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15 EXAMPLES OF TERRIBLE VIDEO GAME COVER ART

17/2/2015

11 Comments

 
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They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but sometimes we feel the phrase should be amended to "beauty is in the brown-eye of the bum-holder". We don't even know what that means. 

Sadly, video game box art is not - generally speaking - known for its creative accomplishments. All too often, it feels like an afterthought, thrown together at the last minute to sell a game without any real investment in achieving something that works as a piece of art in its own right. But still... there's that, and then there's this: here are 15 stink-laden examples of the worst video game cover art ever.

15. NIGHT TRAP
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"Sh'yeah. Look at me in my unflattering spoits bra, gesturing towards d'ose goddamn vampoyers. Whaddaya look at those guys already capish? I'm walkin' here! Sh'yeah - I'm walkin' here in my spoits bra."


14. CHEGGERS PARTY QUIZ
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In which someone thought it was a good idea to transform an ageing television presenter into a video game icon, by rendering him in the image of a chirping, check-shirted, foetus.


13. SUPER BUST-A-MOVE
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There can't be many of us who haven't put a pair of sunglasses on a baby, or drawn on one of our own children with an indelible marker. It's one of the joys of being alive. But what makes this image truly foul and inexplicable is that glacé cherry balanced on the infant's lips, surrounded by a burbling ring of spittle. Babies? Babies are disgusting.


12. BUST-A-MOVE 2: ARCADE EDITION
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The baby may have been weird, but the Bust-A-Move franchise has done weirder still with this nightmarish effort. Rather than evoking a frantic, ball-firing, puzzle game, if we are to believe the howling sphere-face on this cover, it appears that Bust-A-Move 2 is an horrific exercise in sleep-deprivation.


11. DONKEY KONG
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Not terrible as such, but a definite curio, given that this is one of the earliest depictions of Mario. Who would've thought he was such a lithe, well-toned, mullet-sporting, hammer-wielding hunk in his prime? If we are to believe the artwork, Mario seems to be very happy about the fact he's going to smash that snarling wolfman's head in. Oh, Mario... why you such a little guy now? Do you have stenosis of the spine, love?


10. STREET HOCKEY '95
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It's difficult to really know what they were going for here. The artwork suggests some sort of fumbled attempt at an urban theme, but it's just so woefully slapdash and unattractive. From the miniature lady hockey player on the right, to "street man's" terrible dentistry and his one-legged kicking. "Mmf! Mff! This ain't easy when you is balancin' on a stump, people. Word up!".


9. KARNAAJ RALLY
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Well, this looks thrown together in about 5 minutes. If that. The blue hair seems to be going for some sort of punk spirit, but his bruised eyes and terrified expression suggest that he's been recently mugged - perhaps by the occupant of the spectral ghost car that seems to be haunting him. "Whurrrrrr! It's c-c-c-coming back!"


8. SUPER DUPER SUMOS
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There's really no other way to read this other than it's three fat guys in thongs, slapping their buttocks together while experiencing explosive diarrhoea.


7. NINJA SCOOTER SIMULATOR
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We appreciate that scooters are the traditional mode of transport for ninjas, but this ham-fisted 80s effort really does take some beating. It looks like a dim-witted 13 year-old got an airbrush for Christmas, and painted a picture of everything he thought was cool. 


6. REALITY FIGHTERS
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We respect them for not going the obvious route, but seeing the spindly, hollow-chested, weak-armed specimen they chose to promote this game, we understand why most beat 'em up covers feature a heavily-muscled, well-oiled tough. This chap looks like he's attempting to impress a first date by threatening to beat up a hen.


5. TOMMY LASORDA BASEBALL
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Not being American, we don't have a clue who Tommy Lasorda is, but judging from this cover he appears to be a Bill Clinton impersonator. And he's about to have that strained smile wiped from his face by the introduction of a baseball to his mouth. Good.


4. MEGA MAN
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Look at this abomination. There's really nothing about it that works. Even his helmet is off-centre. We appreciate that budgets were smaller back in the day, but were they really so small that you had to hire myopic pre-schoolers to do your cover artwork?


3. PHALANX
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Because nothing says "Hyper-speed shoot-out in space" like Seasick Steve.


2. ACTION FIGHTER
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You could fill an entire feature with Sega's terrible minimalist early Master System covers. This one takes the cake for not even attempting to portray the game it supposedly relates to. What are we to expect here? A detective game, in which Sherlock Holmes investigates microscopic crimes in a miniature city? Maybe. And, of course, the only title for such a game must be "Action Fighter"...


1. SNOW WHITE AND THE 7 CLEVER BOYS
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No, we haven't put this together ourselves. There really was a PlayStation 2 game called Snow White And The 7 Clever Boys. Though "game" might be pushing it; this was more an ill-rendered cartoon, featuring characters such as "Big Basil" - who is described as "well... huge" - and a questionable racial stereotype called "Sully". Don't believe us? Here it is in full:
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • 10 MOST HORRIFYING VIDEO GAME COSPLAYERS
  • 15 HORRIBLE RETRO GAME ADS
  • 16 VINTAGE COMPUTING HUNKS
11 Comments
kelvingreen link
17/2/2015 12:50:38 am

These are all terrible, but at least they're not pictures of Generic Tough Guy #7 done in umpteen shades of brown and grey, like every game cover these days.

Reply
Mr Smith
17/2/2015 02:11:17 am

The SMS minimalist covers kind of remind of Criterion Collection covers (which I dislike tremendously). Some internet forum made a bunch of fake "Criterion styled" game covers, and most were all awful too.

I'd love it if we could somehow find out who drew the Mega Man cover. I've always assumed whoever was in charge got their child to draw it (because of nepotism).

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Monsieur Milk
17/2/2015 02:26:21 am

Sully man... Holy shit balls. This isn't even that old of a game! Even back then that was so god damn wrong.

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Wicked Eric
17/2/2015 04:57:54 am

Fat Mega Man actually made an appearance in Street Fighter vs Tekken.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FwecG0-e0Y

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Antony Adler
17/2/2015 07:26:56 am

brill but what happened to russell grant? !

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Superbeast 37
17/2/2015 08:07:32 am

That phalanx box is a cult classic. I loved SNES boxes and that is one of the best!

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Bulbuschinwart
17/2/2015 11:17:53 am

I'm sorry, but the Ninja Scooter Simulator cover is one of the best things ever. Shut your very funny mouth/typing fingers!

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Oliver link
17/2/2015 02:18:55 pm

Fantastic article - I laughed for around five minutes straight at the Reality Fighters cover. And Action Fighter... oh man. I'd pretty much forgotten about those weird graph paper Master System boxes until I saw that. So bizarre.

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Danielle
30/8/2017 03:12:11 am

The Bust a Move 2 box art was taken from the game's magazine ads, and even the box says "So addictive, it should be illegal!" The magazine ads also had text saying "Can't stop, must pop, must bust, or else I'm dust." That text should've been on the box art IMO. It's just a game, random dude!

Reply
scott
18/1/2018 07:27:28 pm

Actually the ad art came from the box art. I was the Creative Director that came up with that box. We (Acclaim) had been doing the Bubble Booble / Bust A Move franchise for years and every year it was a struggle to come up with packaging because the game essentially never really changed.

One year I'm doing a stock photo search on bubbles and the baby blowing the spit bubble came up so I grabbed it, colored the spit bubble red and scrawled the logo across the forehead partially as a goof and partially because to be honest, we were out of ideas.

It promptly got shot down, rightly so. The primary reason, beyond it was disturbingly odd, was it did not convey the gameplay.

Fast forward 2 years and we are back in the same boat. In the interim my daughter was born and I had a photo of her wearing my sunglasses so I thought, put gameplay reflection in the sunglasses. I photochopped them out of the pic of my daughter and slapped them on the baby stock photo.

It was still a huge topic of debate so we had a focus group come in.

Pretty much 70-80% of the focus group were utterly repulsed by the box but 100% of them said if they saw it in store they'd have to pick it up to see what it was which of course was the entire objective.

And that's the story of "The Baby Box"

Reply
Danielle Pluzsik
16/9/2018 10:42:46 pm

WHOA!

Originally, the baby was going to be for BAM2? Oh my god... if it had been, would SBAM have the screaming faces in bubbles?

Why didn't you use the screaming faces for the Game Boy edition? I quite like the artwork (I'm a fan of late '90s aesthetic, I like the US Sega Saturn commercials for the same reason) and I'm a fan of Game Boy, so...




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