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14 GIANT PIECES OF GAMING HARDWARE AND WHAT THEY CAN TEACH US ABOUT OUR PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE

4/2/2016

4 Comments

 
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We are so small.

We delude ourselves that anything we do matters a cosmic jiff next to the enormity of space and time and elephants and giraffes and cranes.

​Such is the arrogance of the longpig.

To put our relative tininess into some sort of context that you can understand with your video game-ravaged brain, here are 14 examples of, like, really big gaming hardware, yeah.

14. THE SIZABLE NES CONTROLLER COFFEE TABLE
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She is smiling. Oblivious to her sheer insignificance in the cosmic dance. Delude yourself, woman. Distract yourself from the endless shadow that soon shall envelope all that you were. (PARKLIFE!)
13. THE HEFTY NES CONTROLLER
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You may be grinning now, "Weird Al" Yankovic, but in time that grin will be as irrelevant as the dust on your gravestone. (PARKLIFE!)
12. THE JUMBO PLAYSTATION CONTROLLER COFFEE TABLE
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We drink our coffee. We read our coffee table books. We think it all means something. It is nothing. It is vapour. (PARKLIFE!)
11. THE MAMMOTH NES COFFEE TABLE
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We are not even footnotes beneath the enormity of eternity. We are illegible doodles in its margins. The meaningless scrawlings of single-celled apes. (PARKLIFE!)
10. THE PRODIGIOUS SNES PAD
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They play their games, and they drink their ales, with no more influence on the megacosm than the flecks of foam on the rabid lips of dogs... soon to be licked away by the harsh tongue of perpetuity. (PARKLIFE!)
9. THE HUMUNGOUS ATARI 2600 CONTROLLER
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We are nothing but The Architect's misconceptions. We are aberrations of causality. We are naught but chance occurrences, and thus we all shall vanish without trace. (PARKLIFE!)
8. THE COLOSSAL MASTER SYSTEM SOFA
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We are bantams and phantoms. We carry all the weight of air, next to the hugeness of the spheres. Our protestations become our soundtrack. "Do not forget us!" we cry with futile effort... yet we are already forgotten. (PARKLIFE!)
7. THE CYCLOPEAN WIIMOTE CABINET
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In our hubris we build monuments to individuals. We celebrate them with retrospective documentaries looking back at their careers. Yet they, like we all, are as inconsequential as the amoeba. (PARKLIFE!)
6. THE VAST GAME BOY
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We dig in our heels for permanence, like a bird stood defiant before a crumbling dam. Yet all we face is nihility - washed away by the everlasting infinitude of time without yonder. (PARKLIFE!)
5. THE SWOLLEN GAME & WATCH
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"I like big game," says the man, running his fingers through his carefully-gelled scalp. Ignorance, they tell us, is bliss. Pity him. Pity us all. (PARKLIFE!)
4. THE LIBERAL SPACE INVADERS BUILDING
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And so we gather to destroy these ephemeral, electronic, digital motes, these "invaders from space". What is it we are really fighting against? The subtle tickle at the base of our skull that reminds us... soon... soooooon... all that we are shall be gone? Yes. Yessss. It is that. (PARKLIFE!)
3. THE COLOSSAL PSP BILLBOARD
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This contemptuous monolith is a testament to the conceit of man. It is arrogance given form. Its meaning is scarcely the punchline to the grand cosmic joke: we are imperfections on the surface of a void. (PARKLIFE!)
2. THE COMPREHENSIVE XBOX ONE GAMING INSTALLATION
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Sentience is to permanence as the wind is to the mountain. (PARKLIFE!)
1. THE HEFTY TETRIS OFFICE BLOCK
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I would bid you farewell, humanity, but you are gone already... (PARKLIFE!)
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
WHAT THESE 21 STUPID KIDS STUCK IN CLAW MACHINES CAN TEACH US ABOUT THE PURSUIT OF MATERIAL WEALTH
GAMESMASTER, CAN YOU HELP ME?
LET'S GO TO THE CAR BOOT SALE!
4 Comments
TrevorCod
4/2/2016 12:35:39 pm

I was sure there was going to be a jab at the monstrous original x box controller in there somewhere. I guess it was too profound an article for that.
(PARKLIFE!)

Reply
Mr Biffo
4/2/2016 03:44:39 pm

That... would've been a good joke. (PARKLIFE!)

Reply
Tim link
5/2/2016 03:36:40 pm

At number 2, why have you just got a picture of a standard Xbox One?

(PARKLIFE!)

Reply
Spiney O'Sullivan
5/2/2016 05:21:39 pm

All these consoles/

So many consoles/

And they can't go in your hand/

Hand? It can't fit there/

PARKLIFE!

Reply



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