"Be careful what you wish for" is the lesson the young Tom Hanks learned in the movie Big, when a magic Fortune Teller machine granted his wish to be "big". Or maybe the lesson he learned was that you shouldn't try to grow up too fast... or maybe it was that you shouldn't trust creepy machines... Anyway... Who cares?
Point is... point is... we don't know what the point is. But here's a list of those creepy/weird fortune teller slot machines.
Point is... point is... we don't know what the point is. But here's a list of those creepy/weird fortune teller slot machines.
11. BILL CLINTON/GEORGE BUSH SPEAKS
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The President of the USA is making decisions which affect our lives day in day out, so it's logical that he knows what's in store for us all. Nuclear war? Economic ruin? Terrorist atrocities? Donald Trump? What's truly offensive, however, is that both these slot machines were found in the Gaza strip. Not really. That's just a lame attempt at some sort of topical political reference, delivered without real insight or conviction. Frankly, all you have to do these days is make "Gaza" the punchline to any joke, and people think you're Jon Stewart.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gaza!
ROFLMAO.
Also, the George Bush machine looks like that boy out of The Sixth Sense. No wonder he sees dead people everywhere... he must be haunted by all those illegal wars he carried out. ZING! There: we did it again.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gaza!
ROFLMAO.
Also, the George Bush machine looks like that boy out of The Sixth Sense. No wonder he sees dead people everywhere... he must be haunted by all those illegal wars he carried out. ZING! There: we did it again.
10. EL NACHO LOCO
El Nacho Loco - which roughly translates as "The Mentally Disturbed Dorito" - is the worst sort of Mexican stereotype. Not only is he wearing a cliched sombrero and poncho, but he's inside a wooden box - ready to be shipped over the border to America. Ariba! Ariba! Andale! Andale!
9. GYPSY GRANDMA
If our grandmothers resembled that hideous primordial homunculi, we'd have had her prematurely cremated... not turned to her for our fortune.
8. PUSS IN BOOTS
Some animals can apparently sense the future. Cows, for example, seem to know when it's going to rain. This cat not only knows the future, but also knows how to dress like a pimp.
7. ORACLE
"Are you a liar?" seems like a strange question to ask a machine, especially for 25 cents. Mind, you have to be pretty desperate to ask this thing whether somebody loves you. Now go to page 888 for subtitles.
6. BIG AL
We're not sure that gangsters are particularly known for their prophetic abilities. However, given that "Big Al" tells all, we question whether this is a fortune telling machine or some sort of organised crime confession delivery system.
5. GRANDMOTHER PREDICTIONS
Another grandmother, this time spouting grandmother predictions, it would seem. "I'm probably going to kill myself at a Dignitas clinic", she might say. Or... "Tomorrow I'll have a Werther's Original and some liver and onions, and then kill myself at a Dignitas clinic."
4. THE KING
If Vegas-era Fat Elvis had any sort of fortune-telling ability he might have foreseen that eating all those amphetamines and hamburgers was a bad idea.
3. DONKEY WONDER
This elastic-limbed donk' has it all going on - from the dress, to the bow, to the ship's wheel. And what's that stick in her hand? Why, it's your late uncle's collarbone, of course! Donkey Wonder has made a flute from his "skelly"...
2. THE DEVIL
They say The Devil has all the best tunes. But it would seem that he also has the best answers to any question you might be able to ask him. Specifically: "Yes", "No", and "Possible".
1. GRANDMA'S PROPHECIES
It's yet another grandmother with clairvoyant abilities. Also, this one has an extra-long neck, and is probably actually your grandfather in his dead wife's clothes and wig.
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