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10 WEIRD THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE FIRST TEN NUMBERS

8/10/2015

7 Comments

 
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Numbers! What are they? Where do they come from? What are they for? Nobody knows. Nobody even cares.

​And yet... without numbers where would we be? There would be no numbered lists for one thing - and no telephone numbers! Plus we'd have to call our "number 2s" something else... like "choccingtons" or "B is for browns".

Here are ten amazing facts you never knew about the first ten numbers - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,10 and 9.

10. TEN
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Number ten is the only one of the first ten numbers that looks like two other numbers side by side - specifically numbers 1 and 0, or "zero"... which is another word for "nothing". Appropriately, there is "nothing" else we know about the number 10.
9. NINE
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Number nine is the only one of the first ten numbers which rhymes with wine. Wine is a type of drink enjoyed by alcoholics, particularly middle class ones. It also sounds like the German word for "no" - so keep that in mind if you ever ask a German alcoholic how many times he'd like you to kick him in the chest, and he slurs "nein" in return.
8. EIGHT
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Number 8 sounds like "ate". We don't know whether that has anything to do with the offensive bingo call "Two Fat Ladies - eighty eight", but... probably yeah. Other well known, politically incorrect, bingo shouts include "Two slender homosexuals cottaging in a lavatory - it's gay eleven", and "It's number ten: the house in which John Christie murdered at least eight women - Ten Rillington Place".
7. SEVEN
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Number 7 is considered by some to be the luckiest number. However, try telling that to Fartidge P'Tarmigan, from Ohio, who was born on 7/7/1907. On Fartridge's seventeenth birthday he was stung by seven wasps, bitten by seven seventy-seven year-old men, and struck by lightning twice on the anus.
6. SIX
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The number six is the cheekiest number, because it sounds a bit like the word sex, which is short for "sexy". Being sexy is a special type of cuddling which makes a disgusting baby grow in a mummy's tummy.
​5. FIVE
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As you can see from the above image, the number five is the only number that appears in nature - imprinted on the skin of an orange lemon.
4. FOUR
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Number four is the fourth smallest number, unless you're trying to be clever, and count the number zero, or negative numbers. "Four" is also the word for the hair that some animals have covering their skin. They should just call it hair.
3. THREE
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Everybody knows what a number one and a number two are, when talking about lavatory matters, but most of us have never had a number three. In fact, there are only 24 recorded incidents of one ever happening. A number three was most recently documented in the Swedish town of Uppsala, in December 2013, courtesy of local cooper Gustav Olson. Subsequently, the town was evacuated, and Christmas cancelled.
2. TWO
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COOL NUMBER FAXXXX: Number two is the only number that looks like a swan, or the top bit of a coat hanger. 
1. ONE
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The number one is the first number of the alphabet, and first number that was ever invented. It was the brainchild of Spanish mathematician Juan One, who needed a method of counting the number of testicles he had remaining, following an accident with a trough of gunpowder.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
11 GROUPS OF PERFECT PEOPLE LAUGHING AT LISTICLES
​
DISGUSTING: 10 PEOPLE WHO ARE SO DESPERATE FOR FAME THAT THEY'D EVEN EAT A TAPEWORM
WE'RE ALL HOLOGRAMS AND ONIONS: What Our Style of Gaming Says About Us by Mr Biffo

7 Comments
brigadier banjo
8/10/2015 07:01:48 pm

I came for japes, I left informed. Thanks Mr. Biffo, you're the best.

Reply
Mr Biffo
8/10/2015 07:32:45 pm

We try to educate as well as entertain... It's called Educainment.

Reply
Voodoo76
8/10/2015 08:21:24 pm

Didn't EA try to do something years ago called edutainment? I can't remember as I'm nearly 40 and my brain is now a worn empty sea sponge. Possibly something to do with the 3DO or Philips CDI? I could check online but I've already forgotten what I'm on about.

Stay
8/10/2015 09:01:35 pm

I always through a number 3 was something that rhymes with what aircraft do when they want to turn.

Reply
Mr O. Nanist
9/10/2015 08:32:43 am

Agreed, also a number 5 is a number 2 followed by a number 3, colloquially known as "icing the log". I suppose a number 6 would be the same but with a lemon zest drizzle, perhaps a "chocolate log with all the trimmings"?

Reply
LeighDappa
8/10/2015 11:18:25 pm

Are you going to be doing a list of the following nunbers:

*Onety
*Oneteen,
*Twone,
*Eleventeen,
*Eleventy,
*Thrifteen,
*Twentington and
*Shinty-six?

Reply
Robert Webb
9/10/2015 08:23:49 am

That's Numberwang! Let's rotate the board!

Reply



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