Do you remember Crysis? You probably do a bit - it was a decent enough, and undeniably beautiful, FPS that came out a few years ago.
It might not have set the world aflame, but it had its fans. Indeed, some of these fans are also fans of board games - as evidenced by a new Kickstarter campaign to get a Crysis board game off the ground.
Of course, any half-nude idiot will tell you that video games have a long history of being translated into board games - and the pioneer in that market was Milton "MB" Bradley. Here's a quick rundown of the company's more notable titles in an ideal listicle format - the journalistic equivalent of coughing on a piece of bread and trying to pass it off as a parma ham sandwich. Twang!!!
It might not have set the world aflame, but it had its fans. Indeed, some of these fans are also fans of board games - as evidenced by a new Kickstarter campaign to get a Crysis board game off the ground.
Of course, any half-nude idiot will tell you that video games have a long history of being translated into board games - and the pioneer in that market was Milton "MB" Bradley. Here's a quick rundown of the company's more notable titles in an ideal listicle format - the journalistic equivalent of coughing on a piece of bread and trying to pass it off as a parma ham sandwich. Twang!!!
10. ZAXXON
Here's a thing: we never played Zaxxon in the arcades. Indeed, we never even saw it in an arcade - but we must've seen pictures of it somewhere, because we remember really, really wanting to play it. To our juvenile eyes, the isometric visuals looked like the best graphics ever. It was only years later, playing the thing on MAME, that we realised it was just sort of ok a bit.
We did, however, ask for this Zaxxon board game for Christmas one year, having seen it in mother's Kays Catalogue. We never got it though, horrifically deprived as we were. However, with the benefit of maturity, we note that we probably didn't miss much.
"Your mission is to seek out the enemy base - and destroy it". Quell surprise?
We did, however, ask for this Zaxxon board game for Christmas one year, having seen it in mother's Kays Catalogue. We never got it though, horrifically deprived as we were. However, with the benefit of maturity, we note that we probably didn't miss much.
"Your mission is to seek out the enemy base - and destroy it". Quell surprise?
9. FROGGER
Hey, kids - you know that Crossy Road game you're addicted to? It's a rip-off of something really old - Frogger, the "look before you leap" game. Don't you feel stupid now? Well, you should.
This actually wasn't half bad - and works surprisingly well in board game form. What we do find distressing is that semi-realistic depiction of a frog emerging from the 'O' in the logo. Our minds cannot help but project forwards towards what that frog might resemble after disappearing beneath the wheels of a truck.
This actually wasn't half bad - and works surprisingly well in board game form. What we do find distressing is that semi-realistic depiction of a frog emerging from the 'O' in the logo. Our minds cannot help but project forwards towards what that frog might resemble after disappearing beneath the wheels of a truck.
8. PAC-MAN
"As much fun as the action-packed arcade game" doesn't exactly sell this. They might as well have added a "Possibly" in front of it.
This was similar in some respects to Frogger - except with the cars replaced by ghosts, and the left-right road replaced by a maze. Obviously.
What was neat, however, was Pac-Man himself - represented in the game by a giant fanged version of the character. Also, the box artwork portrayed the yellow menace as a sort of ghost-terrorising, blank-eyed horror, and the ghosts as cute, trembling, sweating, innocents.
This was similar in some respects to Frogger - except with the cars replaced by ghosts, and the left-right road replaced by a maze. Obviously.
What was neat, however, was Pac-Man himself - represented in the game by a giant fanged version of the character. Also, the box artwork portrayed the yellow menace as a sort of ghost-terrorising, blank-eyed horror, and the ghosts as cute, trembling, sweating, innocents.
7. DONKEY KONG
Essentially a more tactical version of Snakes N' Ladders, with a plastic, barrel-dispensing ape. Intriguingly, it featured a number of different Mario Brothers as playing pieces - the standard red-dressed Mario, as well as the green-favouring Luigi, and a pair of hitherto unknown, blue and yellow siblings.
We shall dub them Pompey and Frond. Good, strong, Italian names.
We shall dub them Pompey and Frond. Good, strong, Italian names.
6. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA
"Conquer creepy creatures to control the power of the Triforce" may be an over-simplification of any Zelda game, but it's probably the perfect one-line pitch. Notably there's a very dumpy-looking Zelda cowering next to a tree on the cover, while Link looks like the sort of boy who might say stuff like "Gee willickers, Mr Wilson!".
Somewhat less aesthetically compelling than other MB video game board games, The Legend of Zelda featured a tatty, and half-arsed board depicting dungeons and forests, and... y'know. Whatever. Playing cards, and that.
Somewhat less aesthetically compelling than other MB video game board games, The Legend of Zelda featured a tatty, and half-arsed board depicting dungeons and forests, and... y'know. Whatever. Playing cards, and that.
5. STREET FIGHTER II
Despite boasting an "Extra-large dimensional game board" that "Doubles as an awesome combat zone for your Street Fighter action figures" (if you didn't mind your Street Fighter action figures apparently beating one another up in a model village), a board game version of Street Fighter II is quite spectacularly missing the point of a video game beat 'em up.
You're not going to convince us that this is anywhere near as exciting as the video game version... however many exclamation points you throw at it.
You're not going to convince us that this is anywhere near as exciting as the video game version... however many exclamation points you throw at it.
4. CENTIPEDE
Oh! We've just noticed the near-identical layout of most MB games box artwork: the two disembodied arms, wearing primary-coloured sweatshirts. It appears that Centipede here is being played by Mario and Frond.
3. DEFENDER
And look now - Defender is being played by Frond on the left, and Pompey on the right!
2. SUPER MARIO BROS.
No! The Super Mario Bros game has hand-drawn artwork, rather than a photograph. Surely, they missed an opportunity here, to have the previously unknown Mario Brothers playing the game? Who responsible dis? Who responsible dis?
1. BERZERK
And there we have Pompey on the left and Mario on the right. We wonder whatever happened to Pompey and Frond. You never hear about them anymore. Perhaps they drowned together, or choked to death on a dirty old pillowcase, while fannying around in a glade.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
RSS Feed
