The most enchanting thing about licensed video games - when done right - is that they allow us to go beyond the TV show or movie they're based on. They let us go deeper, meet new characters, and explore the worlds we love in almost erotic detail.
When done badly... well, it's just a shame for everyone involved, and for mankind as a species. Here are ten best-forgotten gems from the oft-scraped barrel bottom of licensed gaming.
When done badly... well, it's just a shame for everyone involved, and for mankind as a species. Here are ten best-forgotten gems from the oft-scraped barrel bottom of licensed gaming.
10. BLADE RUNNER (ZX Spectrum, C64, Amstrad CPC)
You'd think this 1985 game was based upon the movie of the same name, wouldn't you? But no. No it is not. Blade Runner was - according to the cover artwork - "inspired by the Vangelis soundtrack of the 1982 movie", no less than "a video game interpretation of the film score". Indeed, every time you loaded it up, you'd have to sit through several minutes of the hairy Greek composer's famous theme music (albeit an ear-troubling, burbling, buzzing, wrongification of it).
Doubtless, all of this was to get around some sort of licensing issue, as the cover featured neither the movie's logo, nor any recognisable characters - just a couple of generic shrieking men in trench coats.
Doubtless, all of this was to get around some sort of licensing issue, as the cover featured neither the movie's logo, nor any recognisable characters - just a couple of generic shrieking men in trench coats.
9. THE EVIL DEAD (ZX Spectrum, C64)
The Spectrum version of The Evil Dead was never officially released - eventually sneaking out as a "previously unreleased" bonus, on the B-Side of Cauldron. Apparently, this might've had something to do with concerns over "video game nasties". You can see the above screenshot and judge for yourself whether the game would've scarred the youth of 1984 with the rusty shiv of PTSD.
8. AUF WIEDERSEHEN, PET (ZX Spectrum, C64)
A 1980s comedy drama TV show about navvies working on a German building site might not seem like an obvious property to base a game on... and that might be why Auf Wiedersehen, Pet is quite catastrophically weak.
Playing as Jimmy "Hey Big Spender" Nail's Oz character, you must build a wall under the instructions of your German boss, Herr Fuhrer, before moving on to a bierkeller for post-work refreshments. The final stage found a drunken Oz having to navigate his way home, whilst avoiding the police and lampposts. The Last of Us it was not.
Playing as Jimmy "Hey Big Spender" Nail's Oz character, you must build a wall under the instructions of your German boss, Herr Fuhrer, before moving on to a bierkeller for post-work refreshments. The final stage found a drunken Oz having to navigate his way home, whilst avoiding the police and lampposts. The Last of Us it was not.
7. GREMLINS (ZX Spectrum, C64)
A graphic adventure game initially appears to be a questionable way to interpret a movie about jabbering, reptilian homunculi, but Gremlins is actually one of the better licenses on this list. Iconic Gremlin-killing moments - such as ruining a Gremlin's life using a blender or microwave - were all faithfully recreated. Inevitably, this led to some complaining that children might attempt to recreate the game with their domestic pets.
6. THE GOONIES (NES)
Based on one of the best kids films bar none, The Goonies was typical of far too many licensed movie games, deciding to be a generic platformer. For the most part following the plot of the movie, there was one key deviation from the established story - levels were infested with giant, deadly rats. Though never released outside of Japan, a more ambitious sequel - Goonies 2 - did make it to the West, and was notable for boasting both platform and first-person exploration stages. Also: fewer rats.
5. BULLSEYE (ZX Spectrum)
Making a semi-decent darts game is hard enough, without also having to crowbar a depressing Sunday night trivia gameshow into the format. The best one contemporary reviewer could say about it was "Detailed dart board".
4. KRULL (Atari 2600)
One of many also-ran sci-fi fantasies, that limped forth in the wake of the Star Wars phenomena, we barely remember anything about the movie Krull, aside from the fact the main character threw a sort of spiky frisbee around, and that Tucker Jenkins was in it. The game was surprisingly well-received at the time - the player spent much of his time running around the screen, swiping a sword at bad guys, with other levels spent getting out of spider's webs, and throwing the spiky thing at walls.
3. MINDER (ZX Spectrum)
Like Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Minder was another ITV comedy drama that wasn't exactly crying out to be turned into a game. It was a trade 'em up - basically Elite, without the spaceships - as you, assuming the role of Cockney con-man Arthur Daley, visited various dodgy types to get the best deals for your iffy merchandise. If nothing else, it was a fast track lesson in "Bockney brining flang" (Cockney rhyming slang).
2. ALIEN (Atari 2600)
In which one of the all-time greatest, most ground-breaking, atmospheric and horrifying sci-fi movies of all time becomes a Pac-Man clone, complete with ripped-off sound effects.
1. GRANGE HILL (ZX Spectrum,C64, Amstrad CPC)
Back in the day, before YouTube and Netflix, we all watched the same TV shows, uniting us as a society. People of a certain age will remember going to school the day after an episode of Grange Hill, and discussing the shocking reveal of Zammo's drug habit, or that time Ro-land got hit by a car, or when Flimby showed Elbows his polyp. Nicely, Grange Hill: The Game didn't steer away from such drama - playing as the TV show's Gonch (whose overriding quest was to retrieve his confiscated Walkman), you could choose to kill him in a variety of creative ways.
After encountering a drug dealer, and choosing to purchase a bag of white powder, you were told: "There is an empty look in his eye as he snatches the money from your hand. His face is pale and drawn; His body thin and unfed. He steals to keep his habit; And makes addicts of children. He is dead, and soon you will be too."
Other ways to cark it included tripping over loose paving stones, drowning in a dirty canal, and - apparently - being murdered by your own mother, for arriving home late. Just like in the TV show.
After encountering a drug dealer, and choosing to purchase a bag of white powder, you were told: "There is an empty look in his eye as he snatches the money from your hand. His face is pale and drawn; His body thin and unfed. He steals to keep his habit; And makes addicts of children. He is dead, and soon you will be too."
Other ways to cark it included tripping over loose paving stones, drowning in a dirty canal, and - apparently - being murdered by your own mother, for arriving home late. Just like in the TV show.
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