Back in the 80s and 90s, when games were still finding their way, many publishers chose to focus on well-known licenses from the worlds of film, TV, music and publishing, rather than create their own IP.
However, while some of the games that resulted from this scattershot approach to licensing were well regarded - Ocean's Batman, for example - there were plenty that should never have been released.
Here are ten such properties that should never have become games.
However, while some of the games that resulted from this scattershot approach to licensing were well regarded - Ocean's Batman, for example - there were plenty that should never have been released.
Here are ten such properties that should never have become games.
EASTENDERS
It's fair to say that EastEnders - while remaining popular - doesn't quite have the same cultural cachet it once boasted. When it first hit TV screens in the mid-80s, its blend of miserable drama and over-the-top Cockneys made it must-watch TV. It was wearily inevitable that it would collide sooner or later with the world of computer gaming.
This thoroughly unwanted game required you - as an anonymous resident of Albert Square (the ghost of Reg Cox, perhaps?) - to help out your neighbours by successfully completing a series of mini games. Thrilling tasks included doing the laundry in Dot's launderette, managing Arthur Fowler's allotment, ordering stock on Pete Beale's fruit and veg stall, and pulling pints in the Queen Vic.
This thoroughly unwanted game required you - as an anonymous resident of Albert Square (the ghost of Reg Cox, perhaps?) - to help out your neighbours by successfully completing a series of mini games. Thrilling tasks included doing the laundry in Dot's launderette, managing Arthur Fowler's allotment, ordering stock on Pete Beale's fruit and veg stall, and pulling pints in the Queen Vic.
CORONATION STREET: THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING HOTPOT RECIPE
A more recent effort, this dreadful, cheap-and-cheerful CD-ROM-type waste of space couldn't even be bothered to get the actors in - the story, such as it was, was told via promotional photos of the cast, and limp, humourless, text which failed in its attempts to evoke Northern bonhomie by mentioning biscuits and kettles.
As is traditional in such epic adventures, Betty's famous hotpot recipe had been torn into pieces and hidden around The Street. Your task was to interrogate the residents, and find the missing pieces, while trying not to break your ankle on the cobbles.
As is traditional in such epic adventures, Betty's famous hotpot recipe had been torn into pieces and hidden around The Street. Your task was to interrogate the residents, and find the missing pieces, while trying not to break your ankle on the cobbles.
NEIGHBOURS
Neighbours was a racing game set on Ramsey Street, in which various characters compete to make it to the end of the course, while avoiding obstacles such as a demented Mrs Mangle, an out-of-control Bouncer the dog, and - of course - a kangaroo (which could be avoided by putting a blanket over it).
You know: because there were always kangaroos in Neighbours.
It's hard to know whether their inclusion constitutes racism. At least the characters weren't wearing those hats with corks hanging from them, and singing a song about being descended from criminals.
You know: because there were always kangaroos in Neighbours.
It's hard to know whether their inclusion constitutes racism. At least the characters weren't wearing those hats with corks hanging from them, and singing a song about being descended from criminals.
GRANGE HILL
I've covered this before on Digi, and declared it the most depressing game of all time. Loosely inspired by the show's famous anti-drugs storyline, its most remarkable feature was the number of grisly ways in which your character could die.
The show had moved on from the drug years by the time the game was released, which was why you played as the unlovable character Gonch, rather than that iconic heroin-gobbling goblin Zammo.
The show had moved on from the drug years by the time the game was released, which was why you played as the unlovable character Gonch, rather than that iconic heroin-gobbling goblin Zammo.
MINDER
Evidently, with the exception of Coronation street, all British drama prior to 1989 (when Byker Grove came out) featured loveable Cockneys.
Minder was a show that I never watched, but was always somehow tangentially aware of. Whether they'd seen it or not, everyone knew more or less what it was about, was familiar with the theme tune, and knew the catchphrases: "'Er indoors'", "The world is my lobster", and "Luvverly jubbly, Rodneyplonker, I've just fallen through the bar".
The game had you assuming role of conman Arthur Daley, where the aim was to make as much money as possible selling dodgy goods, without being caught by Sergeant Chisholme. Tasks could be assigned to your minder, Terry, who - if you were really lucky - might have sung you a snippet of the theme tune.
Minder was a show that I never watched, but was always somehow tangentially aware of. Whether they'd seen it or not, everyone knew more or less what it was about, was familiar with the theme tune, and knew the catchphrases: "'Er indoors'", "The world is my lobster", and "Luvverly jubbly, Rodneyplonker, I've just fallen through the bar".
The game had you assuming role of conman Arthur Daley, where the aim was to make as much money as possible selling dodgy goods, without being caught by Sergeant Chisholme. Tasks could be assigned to your minder, Terry, who - if you were really lucky - might have sung you a snippet of the theme tune.
DALLAS QUEST
In this adventure game based upon the popular 80s soap, you played a private detective hired by JR Ewing's wife Sue Ellen, tasked with finding the map to a lucrative oil field. If you could find the map, Sue Ellen would finally be able to achieve financial independence from her husband.
Unlike all the other games on this list, Dallas Quest was created with the assistance of the show's makers - and was based upon a script written by two of its writers. Hence having a plot that could've come straight from the series, sort of.
Unfortunately, there was no Easter egg whereby you get to the end and find out it was all a dream you had while Bobby Ewing was pooing in the shower.
Unlike all the other games on this list, Dallas Quest was created with the assistance of the show's makers - and was based upon a script written by two of its writers. Hence having a plot that could've come straight from the series, sort of.
Unfortunately, there was no Easter egg whereby you get to the end and find out it was all a dream you had while Bobby Ewing was pooing in the shower.
BULLSEYE
A mix of darts simulation and trivia game, Bullseye was a reasonable representation of the famously bleak Sunday night game show. Sadly, for most players it would've been associated with that heavy feeling you got knowing you had school in the morning.
THE THOMPSON TWINS ADVENTURE
Best known for a brief run of hits between 1983 and 1984, of all the musical acts to be deserving of a video game, The Thompson Twins might have been the least deserving.
A graphic adventure given away on a flexidisc by Computer & Video Games magazine, The Thompson Twins Adventure was based upon the musical trio's 1984 hit Doctor! Doctor! For some reason, the group had become stranded on a desert island, and were tasked with finding the ingredients of a magic potion.
Just like the song, then.
I saw you there, just standing there
And I thought I was only dreaming yeah
I kissed you then, then once again
You said you would come and dance with me
Dance with me across the sea
And we could feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning
Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling?
Ships at night give such delight
We all leave before the morning light
Please don't go no please don't go
Cause I don't want to stay here on my own
A graphic adventure given away on a flexidisc by Computer & Video Games magazine, The Thompson Twins Adventure was based upon the musical trio's 1984 hit Doctor! Doctor! For some reason, the group had become stranded on a desert island, and were tasked with finding the ingredients of a magic potion.
Just like the song, then.
I saw you there, just standing there
And I thought I was only dreaming yeah
I kissed you then, then once again
You said you would come and dance with me
Dance with me across the sea
And we could feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning
Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling?
Ships at night give such delight
We all leave before the morning light
Please don't go no please don't go
Cause I don't want to stay here on my own
HOW TO BE A COMPLETE BASTARD
Though there had already been a game inspired by the classic BBC2 comedy series The Young Ones - a show that every British teenager loved, because they knew their parents would disapprove of its references to losing your virginity, unwanted erections, and diarrhoea - How To Be A Complete Bastard was the next best thing.
Based upon Adrian Edmondson's cheap and cheerful cash-in book of the same name, the game required you to crash a yuppie party, and convince the guests that you were - yes - a bastard. Cutting off someone's hair, setting fire to the furniture, and stabbing a guest with a pen were all socially acceptable forms of bastardy, while slicing them to death with a razor blade would get you arrested. You could also fill your fartometer by eating curry.
It caused something of a minor controversy when it was later released as a cover tape on Amstrad Action and Your Sinclair.
Based upon Adrian Edmondson's cheap and cheerful cash-in book of the same name, the game required you to crash a yuppie party, and convince the guests that you were - yes - a bastard. Cutting off someone's hair, setting fire to the furniture, and stabbing a guest with a pen were all socially acceptable forms of bastardy, while slicing them to death with a razor blade would get you arrested. You could also fill your fartometer by eating curry.
It caused something of a minor controversy when it was later released as a cover tape on Amstrad Action and Your Sinclair.
SPITTING IMAGE
It's difficult to downplay how huge Spitting Image was in the 80s. It had that unique thing of being well written and funny in its own right, while also being interesting on a technical/artistic level due to its famous rubber puppets; something which alleged spiritual successors like 2DTV failed to get.
The tie-in game took the form of a beat 'em up featuring six world leaders; Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher, Mikhail Gorbachev, Pope John Paul II, Ayatollah Khomeini, and South Africa's PW Botha. Each had a special move - Khomeini could whip his opponents with his beard of course - while one level took place entirely in the dark at one of Prince Philip's famous "mud-wrestling parties".
Satire, kids. Satire.
The tie-in game took the form of a beat 'em up featuring six world leaders; Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher, Mikhail Gorbachev, Pope John Paul II, Ayatollah Khomeini, and South Africa's PW Botha. Each had a special move - Khomeini could whip his opponents with his beard of course - while one level took place entirely in the dark at one of Prince Philip's famous "mud-wrestling parties".
Satire, kids. Satire.
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