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10 THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH MICROSOFT'S HOLOLENS

23/1/2015

11 Comments

 
Earlier this week, Microsoft unveiled its "holographic" Hololens technology - a sort of Google Glass-esque headset, which projects "holograms" all over the bloody room, for pity's sake. The "holographic" device is still in development, and unlikely to be released in the pie-in-the-sky (or should that be... "hologram"-in-the-sky) form it took in their tech demo.

Nonetheless, its potential is impressive. Unlike, say, an immersive VR headset like the Oculus Rift, the Hololens allows you to still see the real world through the transparent goggles. By monitoring the position of your eyeballs, it can then project images ("holograms") into your field-of-vision, so that they appear to be really there in the room with you. Just like real holograms.

Here are ten things you'll be able to do once the Hololens hits the market.
1. SCOLD A HOLOGRAPHIC CHILD
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2. DETERMINE THE SEX OF A HOLOGRAPHIC GIRAFFE
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3. "AND I WILL ESTABLISH MY COVENANT WITH THEE; AND THOU SHALT KNOW THAT I AM THE LORD" 
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4. SUFFICIENTLY RAISE SEA LEVEL TO DROWN MAUI.
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5. GET INEXPLICABLY FURIOUS WITH A 10 YEAR-OLD'S HOLOGRAPHIC MINECRAFT CREATION.
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6. CHOOSE FROM A VARIETY OF HOLOGRAPHIC WOODEN PUNCHING EGGS
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7. WATCH TINY HOLOGRAPHIC PEOPLE HAVE SEX IN THEIR TINY HOLOGRAPHIC HOMES.
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8. ATTEMPT TO FIX PIPES WHILE BEING TAUNTED BY A HOLOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR DEAD HUSBAND.
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9. HOLOGRAPHIC MARTIAN GOLF WITH "URINE JOHN".
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10. UH-OH! LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A BOY!
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11 Comments
Rivhard Hugues
23/1/2015 06:52:35 am

All i need to know is this:
Will be able to use it during the act of 'lovemaking' to super-impose my own face over the face of whatever rancid human i picked up at whatever hideous dive-bar i spent the evening necking Babycham at.
If yes, its a day one purchase for me, Clive.

Reply
The School Boy
23/1/2015 06:57:21 am

I'd like to hear more from Urine John.

Reply
Harry Steele
23/1/2015 07:01:45 am

I am somehow comforted that with each quantum leap of technology we find better way to be perverts. I imagine that after each episode of The Gadget Show the presenters retreat into a back room and hook up to an Inception-style dream machine to engage in cyber-orgies

Reply
Antony Adler
23/1/2015 08:11:26 am

Yes school boy ! More from Urine John please :)

Reply
Matt J
23/1/2015 08:19:43 am

Yes I third that! Great feature, the best bit was definitely Urine John

Reply
Mr Biffo
23/1/2015 08:21:02 am

I'll see what I can do to provide a special "Urine John" feature for next week...

Reply
Protobox
23/1/2015 08:28:09 pm

The dude's a breakout star.

Reply
2Geoff
27/1/2015 09:37:00 am

I just had to hide behind my desk laughing at the holographic dead husband bit.
Trying not to laugh in a laugh inapropriate environment is the best.

Reply
Jumbo Whiffy
21/5/2015 06:44:32 am

Sorry, any progress on Urine John yet? I have been hitting refresh for 4 months straight now, but I may have missed it....

Reply
UrineJohnFan
8/4/2016 01:13:44 pm

Where is Urine John?

Reply
Da5e
10/3/2017 09:38:06 pm

WHERE IS URINE JOHN?! I know we had a visit from his brother James in Found Footage, but it's not enough.

Reply



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