Oh man! There's nothing worse than settling down for a solid gaming session, when something comes along to disrupt your fun. Whether it's your husband doing the hoovering while shouting "Look - I'm doing hoovering!", or the death of a close family member, it can be SO annoying.
Yeah, anyway. Whatever, yeah. Here are the top 10 things guaranteed to ruin any gaming session!
Yeah, anyway. Whatever, yeah. Here are the top 10 things guaranteed to ruin any gaming session!
10. A WASP
Who actually likes wasps? Really, though? If you like wasps there's something wrong with you. Honestly. We have strong grounds to believe that you are seriously mentally ill if you like wasps. They contribute nothing to the world. They exist only to disrupt things - such as gaming sessions. And, indeed, all other things. They just want to buzz around and sting you. They're spiteful. Malevolent. Quite literally waspish.
If we had our way, every wasp in the world would be dead and buried. In fact, if we were in charge, there'd be so many dead wasps that all the cemeteries would get filled up, and they'd have to start burying wasps at sea.
Yeah right... except all the environmentalists would probably all start whinging... "Oh, you can't put dead wasps in the sea - what if a whale gets stang off one? It'd contribute to global warming". Well if you don't like our plan, why don't you just EAT THE WASPS, you bearded bumhole?
...Where were we?
If we had our way, every wasp in the world would be dead and buried. In fact, if we were in charge, there'd be so many dead wasps that all the cemeteries would get filled up, and they'd have to start burying wasps at sea.
Yeah right... except all the environmentalists would probably all start whinging... "Oh, you can't put dead wasps in the sea - what if a whale gets stang off one? It'd contribute to global warming". Well if you don't like our plan, why don't you just EAT THE WASPS, you bearded bumhole?
...Where were we?
9. TWO WASPS
What's worse than one wasp? Two wasps, obviously. What - you think having two wasps fly in while you're playing games is going to somehow improve the situation? You think they're going to play "good wasp, bad wasp" with you, or that one of them might talk the other down in a sort of "He's not worth it, bruv" conversation? WAKE UP! If anything they'd be egging one another on to sting you.
8. THREE WASPS
You can probably see where this is going. We'll cut it short - basically, the more wasps that fly in the worse it's going to get. There's no point at which the overall number of wasps somehow cancel each other out, and things get better. The more wasps there are, the worse the situation.
Could you really conceive of a scenario where your room was filled with a billion wasps while you were trying to play a game, and it wasn't some sort of nightmare of searing, white-hot pain, and deafening buzzing? Of course you couldn't. Don't be absurd.
Could you really conceive of a scenario where your room was filled with a billion wasps while you were trying to play a game, and it wasn't some sort of nightmare of searing, white-hot pain, and deafening buzzing? Of course you couldn't. Don't be absurd.
7. W.A.S.P.
Nobody knows the meaning behind the name of the American heavy metal band W.A.S.P. - but one theory suggests it might stand for "We Are Sexual Perverts". Clearly, like most sexual perverts, they're hiding in plain sight - and somehow get away with it, despite their clothing and behaviour suggesting they could only be sexual perverts (sample W.A.S.P. songs: Dirty Balls, and Don't Cry Just Suck).
Unless you are a sexual pervert yourself, we don't really see how the arrival of the members of W.A.S.P. could in any way improve your gaming session. The last thing you need is one of them standing between you and the TV, thrusting their pelvis and waggling their tongue, while dripping on your carpet.
Unless you are a sexual pervert yourself, we don't really see how the arrival of the members of W.A.S.P. could in any way improve your gaming session. The last thing you need is one of them standing between you and the TV, thrusting their pelvis and waggling their tongue, while dripping on your carpet.
6. W.A.S.Ps
White Anglo Saxon Protestant. Rich white people, basically. You know the sort: they thumb their flaccid body parts into the mouths of deceased pigs in order to get into exclusive clubs. Back in our day, all you had to do was bribe the bouncer.
5. BEESUS - LORD OF THE WASPS
Yes - even wasps have religion, and naturally it's a religion that promotes a vindictive and bitter hatred of all other living things. You can lay the blame on this being: Beesus, Lord of the Wasps. You might be asking yourself why a big bee man would be the Lord of the Wasps - but you'd be asking a stupid question. Beesus is a man made up of lots of wasps, and just happens to be called Beesus. What, you think Jeesus can turn into a Jeep just because he's called Jeesus? Don't be an idiot.
So. Yeah. Imagine playing your games and Beesus suddenly forms in front of you, batting at your face with his wasp-formed hands, and poking you with a stick. You wouldn't be able to concentrate at all. At all.
So. Yeah. Imagine playing your games and Beesus suddenly forms in front of you, batting at your face with his wasp-formed hands, and poking you with a stick. You wouldn't be able to concentrate at all. At all.
4. BUZZ ALDRIN
Buzz Aldrin isn't even Buzz Aldrin's real name. He's actually called Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr - but got the nickname Buzz when he accidentally swallowed a space wasp on an early mission, and can now only speak in a series of staccato, undulating buzzes - like a malfunctioning radio. Suffice to say, this caused terrible confusion between the Apollo capsule and Mission Control, when he went to the moon. Houston thought there was a big wasp aboard - until they remembered about his voice!
3. A GERMAN WASP
We're not racists - German people are all fine these days, probably. But something we don't want is a big, German wasp flying in and disrupting our gaming session. Literally the last thing we want while trying to focus on Destiny: The Taken King, is a German wasp flying around our heads shouting "summen summen!", and threatening "Ich werde dich stechen!".
2. CONFUSED PEOPLE
So you've just sat down to play a game, when a whole bunch of confused people enter, wandering around mumbling "Wasp's going on? We dunno wasp's happening". Get out! We're trying to play a game, you puzzled fools! Confused.com? More like confused.scum!!!!!
1. STING
Well, he's just a bit of twat really. We don't want him anywhere near us, whether we're playing a game or not.
RSS Feed
