The caveperson is the ultimate "That'll do" fancy dress outfit, second only to an off-the-shelf vicar costume.
It requires the minimum of creative effort, yet you'll find one at every fancy dress party. Typically, they'll be the ones getting absolutely smashed, to numb their feelings of insecurity, so un-used are they to doing something so tentatively wacky.
Yet because of them, the market for ready-made caveperson outfits is healthier than ever - some are sexy, some are whimsical... all demonstrate a lamentable lack of ambition, imagination, and inventiveness. And here, in the week that Far Cry Primal is released, are 10 of them.
It requires the minimum of creative effort, yet you'll find one at every fancy dress party. Typically, they'll be the ones getting absolutely smashed, to numb their feelings of insecurity, so un-used are they to doing something so tentatively wacky.
Yet because of them, the market for ready-made caveperson outfits is healthier than ever - some are sexy, some are whimsical... all demonstrate a lamentable lack of ambition, imagination, and inventiveness. And here, in the week that Far Cry Primal is released, are 10 of them.
10. Look at his face: ever so slightly self-conscious, while remaining hopeful that somebody must be finding this costume funny and/or sexy. If you ask us, he's probably holding that plastic club in lieu of a personality. Or, if we were being Freudian about it, he's gripping it like that because he's essentially wearing a dress...
9. Not a bad effort, but he loses points for his leg warmers and hunched stance: everyone knows that back pain wasn't an issue until the advent of the agricultural revolution. Why don't these people do their research?
8. Barbers are, to the best of our knowledge, a relatively recent invention, but still... that's just silly. He looks like a veteran Radio 1 DJ. And given that we all know what those guys were like, this is the last person you'd want to encounter near the buffet table.
7. This one simply goes too far the other way: no caveman was ever that clean-cut. Also... what's with the truncheon? That isn't even paying lip-service to authenticity. Why not go the whole hog and wave a pair of handcuffs around and repeatedly shout your name through a megaphone, idiot?
6. It's like a weird mash-up of Super Mario World and the glam rock band Slade. However, hats off to them for the little legs, which suggests he's portraying a member of the homo floresiensis species, nicknamed the "Hobbits".
5. This one looks like he should be in Duran Duran.
4. This one looks like he should be in Bananarama.
3. This one looks like he should be used as evidence in a football racism trial. They're not fooling anyone by branding this as a "Caveman costume". Clearly, the company had a lot of "foreign neighbour" outfits left over from the 1970s. Shocking.
2. This is wholly too camp, and the way he's holding that bone at groin level is making everyone at the party feel uncomfortable. Though speaking of discomfort...
1. No wonder the Neanderthals went extinct if that's what they were using. Pity their mates. Pity everyone at the party who has to contend with this lamentable twang-hole, who thinks he's a comic genius.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 WORST VIDEO GAME FANCY DRESS COSTUMES
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10 MOST HORRIFYING VIDEO GAME COSPLAYERS
10 WORST VIDEO GAME FANCY DRESS COSTUMES
10 DISTURBING POKEMON COSPLAYS
10 MOST HORRIFYING VIDEO GAME COSPLAYERS
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