Do you have more money than sense? Then you might be one of those people who buys video game collector's editions - usually a copy of the game in a nice box, accompanied by a load of old tat, and a map.
Take, for example, the forthcoming, £200, Game-exclusive Halo 5: Guardians Collector's Edition, which comes with a poxy statue. For £200, it better be an animatronic statue, and dispense crab paste out of its face, and lull us to sleep at night with a haunting lament. But let's face it, it's just going to be a resin model of M.Chief posing like the ghastly tart that he is.
Anyway. Here are 10 more boxes o' tat that you could've utterly wasted your money on, instead of giving it to people who really would've benefitted - like crazy people, or weaklings.
Take, for example, the forthcoming, £200, Game-exclusive Halo 5: Guardians Collector's Edition, which comes with a poxy statue. For £200, it better be an animatronic statue, and dispense crab paste out of its face, and lull us to sleep at night with a haunting lament. But let's face it, it's just going to be a resin model of M.Chief posing like the ghastly tart that he is.
Anyway. Here are 10 more boxes o' tat that you could've utterly wasted your money on, instead of giving it to people who really would've benefitted - like crazy people, or weaklings.
10. DUKE NUKEM FOREVER: BALLS OF STEEL EDITION
Look at all that rubbish: postcards, stickers, gambling chips, playing cards, dice, a comic book, and an art book... This is the very epitome of trying to dress up a turd by wrapping it in tinsel.
One of the most long-awaited duds to ever hit the games industry, Duke Nukem Forever simply couldn't be improved, no matter how much extra rubbish you flung at it. Frankly, a bust of the title character is only ever going to remind you how godawful the game was - a bit like commissioning a portrait of someone who ran you over in their van, and mounting it on the wall above your bed.
One of the most long-awaited duds to ever hit the games industry, Duke Nukem Forever simply couldn't be improved, no matter how much extra rubbish you flung at it. Frankly, a bust of the title character is only ever going to remind you how godawful the game was - a bit like commissioning a portrait of someone who ran you over in their van, and mounting it on the wall above your bed.
9. CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS PRESTIGE EDITION
As bonus tat goes, this radio-controlled car isn't actually irredeemably awful - modelled as it is on the Killstreak reward featured in the game's multiplayer mode. Still, given that it looks as if it has a block of explosives attached to it, you'll have to be careful where you play with it. Airports and outside the front of embassies are off the list, presumably.
8. CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2 PRESTIGE EDITION
Genuinely the only collector's edition on this list that we ever considered buying, the Modern Warfare 2 Prestige Edition came with a pair of night vision goggles. It was only when we later realised that we could separately buy a similar pair of goggles - AND a copy of the game - for much less, that we changed our mind. So we did.
In all honesty, we've used the goggles about thrice - each time to look down the bottom of the garden to see if there were any foxes (there weren't any foxes).
In all honesty, we've used the goggles about thrice - each time to look down the bottom of the garden to see if there were any foxes (there weren't any foxes).
7. SAINTS ROW IV - SUPER DANGEROUS WAD WAD EDITION
We hesitated about putting the Saints Row IV Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition in this list, as we didn't want to become complicit in their irritating marketing conceit. Still... at $1 million, it's "officially" the most expensive limited edition ever, so we had little choice.
Obviously nobody was ever going to pay for it - even if it did include plastic surgery, a trip to space, and a couple of cars. And if somebody did pay for it, we'd suggest that the next time they feel like blowing a million bucks they spend it on electro-shock therapy, or a golden noose.
Obviously nobody was ever going to pay for it - even if it did include plastic surgery, a trip to space, and a couple of cars. And if somebody did pay for it, we'd suggest that the next time they feel like blowing a million bucks they spend it on electro-shock therapy, or a golden noose.
6. HALO 3 - LEGENDARY EDITION
It's Halo 3... but with a Master Chief helmet. That's it. Given some of the other items on this list, it's like they're hardly trying. We suppose you could turn it upside down and use it as a bowl for crisps, or a bed pan.
5. DEAD ISLAND RIPTIDE - ZOMBIE BAIT EDITION
We can, of course, speculate about the sort of person who would want a partially-dismembered, partially-naked, patriotic torso on their mantelpiece. And that speculation leads us to conclude that the person is probably a UKIP voter. Epic satire.
4. BORDERLANDS: THE HANDSOME COLLECTION - CLAPTRAP-IN-A-BOX EDITION
Another actually semi-decent bonus, this Borderlands: The Handsome Collection limited edition comes with a remote controlled Claptrap Robot. It features a camera in its eye - you can see a live stream on your phone - and you can project your voice through it, to startle pensioners.
The downside? Let's face it - you're only going to play with it a couple of times before regretting your purchase, and doing a quick mental tally of all the other things you could've spent your money on.
Rent, heating, food...
The downside? Let's face it - you're only going to play with it a couple of times before regretting your purchase, and doing a quick mental tally of all the other things you could've spent your money on.
Rent, heating, food...
3. DESTINY - GHOST EDITION
And this is how not to do it: the robotic replica in the Destiny - Ghost Edition doesn't really do anything, except light up and occasionally emit Peter Dinklage's monotone drone, from whichever shelf you decide to put it on. That's going to get old pretty quick. Just like the game. Oooh... burn.
2. GRID 2 - MONO EDITION
£125,000 would've netted you the Grid 2 Mono Edition - which came with a 170mph, street-legal super car. It's good that this thing has an open cockpit; if you're driving it on the street you'll be able to hear all the abuse that gets justifiably flung in your direction.
1. DYING LIGHT - MY APOCALYPSE EDITION
The star attraction of Dying Light's My Apocalypse Edition - which would set you back a quarter of a million pounds - is the custom built zombie-proof shelter. We presume, if you're rich enough to spend £250,000 on a fairly average video game, you live in a house that's big enough to have a sort of Mad Max shed in your garden.
However, if you are the sort of person who thinks they need a Mad Max shed in their garden, it's a wonder how you ever made that sort of money in the first place. Inheritance, we're guessing. Your parents must be so proud.
However, if you are the sort of person who thinks they need a Mad Max shed in their garden, it's a wonder how you ever made that sort of money in the first place. Inheritance, we're guessing. Your parents must be so proud.
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