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10 RIDICULOUSLY OTT VIDEO GAME COLLECTORS EDITIONS

4/5/2015

5 Comments

 
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Do you have more money than sense? Then you might be one of those people who buys video game collector's editions - usually a copy of the game in a nice box, accompanied by a load of old tat, and a map.

Take, for example, the forthcoming, £200, Game-exclusive Halo 5: Guardians Collector's Edition, which comes with a poxy statue. For £200, it better be an animatronic statue, and dispense crab paste out of its face, and lull us to sleep at night with a haunting lament. But let's face it, it's just going to be a resin model of M.Chief posing like the ghastly tart that he is. 

Anyway. Here are 10 more boxes o' tat that you could've utterly wasted your money on, instead of giving it to people who really would've benefitted - like crazy people, or weaklings.

10. DUKE NUKEM FOREVER: BALLS OF STEEL EDITION
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Look at all that rubbish: postcards, stickers, gambling chips, playing cards, dice, a comic book, and an art book... This is the very epitome of trying to dress up a turd by wrapping it in tinsel.

One of the most long-awaited duds to ever hit the games industry, Duke Nukem Forever simply couldn't be improved, no matter how much extra rubbish you flung at it. Frankly, a bust of the title character is only ever going to remind you how godawful the game was - a bit like commissioning a portrait of someone who ran you over in their van, and mounting it on the wall above your bed.
9. CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS PRESTIGE EDITION
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As bonus tat goes, this radio-controlled car isn't actually irredeemably awful - modelled as it is on the Killstreak reward featured in the game's multiplayer mode. Still, given that it looks as if it has a block of explosives attached to it, you'll have to be careful where you play with it. Airports and outside the front of embassies are off the list, presumably.
8. CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2 PRESTIGE EDITION
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Genuinely the only collector's edition on this list that we ever considered buying, the Modern Warfare 2 Prestige Edition came with a pair of night vision goggles. It was only when we later realised that we could separately buy a similar pair of goggles - AND a copy of the game - for much less, that we changed our mind. So we did. 

In all honesty, we've used the goggles about thrice - each time to look down the bottom of the garden to see if there were any foxes (there weren't any foxes).
7. SAINTS ROW IV - SUPER DANGEROUS WAD WAD EDITION
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We hesitated about putting the Saints Row IV Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition in this list, as we didn't want to become complicit in their irritating marketing conceit. Still... at $1 million, it's "officially" the most expensive limited edition ever, so we had little choice. 

Obviously nobody was ever going to pay for it - even if it did include plastic surgery, a trip to space, and a couple of cars. And if somebody did pay for it, we'd suggest that the next time they feel like blowing a million bucks they spend it on electro-shock therapy, or a golden noose.
6. HALO 3 - LEGENDARY EDITION
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It's Halo 3... but with a Master Chief helmet. That's it. Given some of the other items on this list, it's like they're hardly trying. We suppose you could turn it upside down and use it as a bowl for crisps, or a bed pan.
5. DEAD ISLAND RIPTIDE - ZOMBIE BAIT EDITION
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We can, of course, speculate about the sort of person who would want a partially-dismembered, partially-naked, patriotic torso on their mantelpiece. And that speculation leads us to conclude that the person is probably a UKIP voter. Epic satire.
4. BORDERLANDS: THE HANDSOME COLLECTION - CLAPTRAP-IN-A-BOX EDITION
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Another actually semi-decent bonus, this Borderlands: The Handsome Collection limited edition comes with a remote controlled Claptrap Robot. It features a camera in its eye - you can see a live stream on your phone - and you can project your voice through it, to startle pensioners.

The downside? Let's face it - you're only going to play with it a couple of times before regretting your purchase, and doing a quick mental tally of all the other things you could've spent your money on. 

Rent, heating, food...
3. DESTINY - GHOST EDITION
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And this is how not to do it: the robotic replica in the Destiny - Ghost Edition doesn't really do anything, except light up and occasionally emit Peter Dinklage's monotone drone, from whichever shelf you decide to put it on. That's going to get old pretty quick. Just like the game. Oooh... burn.
2. GRID 2 - MONO EDITION
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£125,000 would've netted you the Grid 2 Mono Edition - which came with a 170mph, street-legal super car. It's good that this thing has an open cockpit; if you're driving it on the street you'll be able to hear all the abuse that gets justifiably flung in your direction.
1. DYING LIGHT - MY APOCALYPSE EDITION
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The star attraction of Dying Light's My Apocalypse Edition - which would set you back a quarter of a million pounds - is the custom built zombie-proof shelter. We presume, if you're rich enough to spend £250,000 on a fairly average video game, you live in a house that's big enough to have a sort of Mad Max shed in your garden. 

However, if you are the sort of person who thinks they need a Mad Max shed in their garden, it's a wonder how you ever made that sort of money in the first place. Inheritance, we're guessing. Your parents must be so proud.


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5 Comments
Mr Smith
4/5/2015 03:45:55 am

Nice.

Ever since the days of Working Designs, I've had an intense fondness for well made special editions (even though I've seldom ever bought them, ever). Apart from Duke Nukem being awful, I do like the tat it came with. Diverse, but still boxable.

One of my fantasies, along with have an artificial trunk surgically attached to my face so I become the Man's Daddy, is creating a game and then producing a ridiculously insane special edition with over 100 items in it. Not for anyone to buy seriously, but just for the satisfaction gained from the academic exercise of "What related item can we possibly squeeze in here?" Novella's, bestiary book, magnetic audio cassette with gameplay tips, a dental dam...

Are you going to do a top 10 of really cool bundles? The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy springs to mind for its ridiculous awesome pointlessness.

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Mister Leks link
4/5/2015 04:40:21 am

I can confirm no one ever bought the Saints Row Wad Wad Edition. I asked the Saints Row official facebook overlords not long ago. They said it hadn't sold, but asked if I was interested. Cheeky scrubs.

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Chris link
4/5/2015 07:46:13 am

You'll need Balls of Steel once your girlfriend/wife finds out you've wasted your money on that tat. Ha ha, I just done a joke.

I quite like the special editions if they're only a few quid more than the regular version. I nearly bought the Bravely Default limited edition with the statue of Agnes, but it was £90 or something so I decided against it.

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Simon
5/5/2015 01:42:44 am

I can see myself ordering that Halo 5 collectors edition and then crying when my credit card bill pops through the post!

Reply
Rivhard Hugues
6/5/2015 08:06:47 am

I own that Halo 3 legendary edition (mainly thanks to staff discount at the time).
I'm afraid it would be quite useless as a receptacle for crisps as its not actually hollow, its just got a square cut in the bottom to snugly fit the stand. You probably could wee in it though.

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