Yesterday, we discussed why our beloved European Super Nintendo was infinitely superior to the American Super Nintendo.
Today we shall investigate the two different names for Sega's 16-bit console - known as the Mega Drive or Genesis, depending upon which side of the Atlantic you squatted.
Why did the Mega Drive - the name it launched with in Japan in 1989 - get called something different when it came out in the US, despite Mega Drive clearly being one of the best names for a games console that anybody has ever been arsed to think of?
It was all down to trademark. In America, Mega Drive Systems Inc - a manufacturer of computer storage solutions - already had the name Mega Drive in their pocket. Thus, they went for Genesis, as a way of suggesting that the console would mark the real dawn of home video gaming.
Admittedly, Genesis isn't the worst name in the world, but it already had other associations, dependent on whether you were a creationist or a prog rock fan - neither of which were cool or edgy.
But which was better? SPOILER: It was "Mega Drive", obviously.
And here's why.
Today we shall investigate the two different names for Sega's 16-bit console - known as the Mega Drive or Genesis, depending upon which side of the Atlantic you squatted.
Why did the Mega Drive - the name it launched with in Japan in 1989 - get called something different when it came out in the US, despite Mega Drive clearly being one of the best names for a games console that anybody has ever been arsed to think of?
It was all down to trademark. In America, Mega Drive Systems Inc - a manufacturer of computer storage solutions - already had the name Mega Drive in their pocket. Thus, they went for Genesis, as a way of suggesting that the console would mark the real dawn of home video gaming.
Admittedly, Genesis isn't the worst name in the world, but it already had other associations, dependent on whether you were a creationist or a prog rock fan - neither of which were cool or edgy.
But which was better? SPOILER: It was "Mega Drive", obviously.
And here's why.
MEGA DRIVE MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT
Mega Drive - two words - feels like it follows logically on from Master System. Plus, Mega Drive and Master System sound like the macguffins from a dystopian cyberpunk adventure.
The only time anything called Genesis was used as a macguffin was in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and it was a sort of bomb thing that made flowers and rabbits appear.
Which is literally the worst sort of bomb.
The only time anything called Genesis was used as a macguffin was in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and it was a sort of bomb thing that made flowers and rabbits appear.
Which is literally the worst sort of bomb.
MEGA IS A COOL WORD
There's just something a bit preachy about Genesis. Because, probably, The Book of Genesis is something that gets preached in church.
For some reason, I went to church for a couple of years when I was in my mid-teens, and it was awful. Like, really boring and that.
One time I got into trouble because a mate of mine had to give a reading, and his mispronounced "Gentiles" as "genitals", and I burst out laughing, and apparently laughing at "genitals" in church is frowned upon, even though Jesus had genitals, probably. And so did God. He made us in His image didn't he? So he definitely had a penis. And probably a chuff, too.
Anyway. Where was I...?
For some reason, I went to church for a couple of years when I was in my mid-teens, and it was awful. Like, really boring and that.
One time I got into trouble because a mate of mine had to give a reading, and his mispronounced "Gentiles" as "genitals", and I burst out laughing, and apparently laughing at "genitals" in church is frowned upon, even though Jesus had genitals, probably. And so did God. He made us in His image didn't he? So he definitely had a penis. And probably a chuff, too.
Anyway. Where was I...?
DRIVE IS ANOTHER COOL WORD
Yeah, you could suggest that it evokes a hard drive, but only if you're already a massive nerd. To super-cool-dudes like myself, it paints a picture of driving fast along a desert road, and/or doing rudies.
GENESIS IS NOT A COOL WORD
Lest we forget that, with the exception of then-drummer Phil Collins, the band Genesis was formed at a posh private school.
Their early mentor was one Jonathan King - a man later convicted of assorted underage sex offences, including "buggery".
Importantly, it was King who chose the name Genesis for the band - thus making Sega of America's branding of the console the sort of name a pervert would choose.
Their early mentor was one Jonathan King - a man later convicted of assorted underage sex offences, including "buggery".
Importantly, it was King who chose the name Genesis for the band - thus making Sega of America's branding of the console the sort of name a pervert would choose.
OUR LOGO WAS BETTER THAN THEIR LOGO
The Mega Drive had a beautiful reflective chrome look, like the badge you might find on the radiator grill of a high-end supercar. The brushed steel Genesis logo looks like something a 14 year-old might've come up with in a technical drawing class while trying to hide an unscheduled erection.
FOR THAT MATTER, OUR LOGO WAS ALSO BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL JAPANESE MEGA DRIVE LOGO TOO
I mean... what is that? What does it even mean!?
THE SOUTH KOREANS THOUGHT GENESIS WAS A WORSE NAME THAN "SUPER ALADDIN BOY"
In South Korea, Sega's system was distributed and sold by Samsung, who named it the Super Gam*Boy - yes, with the asterisk and potential copyright infringement - and later rebranded it the Super Aladdin Boy.
As baffling as those names might be, the hardware nevertheless kept the Mega Drive logo on the case, rather than adopting the awful American name, thereby demonstrating that almost any old rubbish is better than calling a thing "Genesis".
Years later, Sega itself released the remodelled Mega Drive 2 in South Korea, and - again - chose not to call it the Genesis 2, suggesting that even Sega itself knew that Genesis was the weaker of the two names.
As baffling as those names might be, the hardware nevertheless kept the Mega Drive logo on the case, rather than adopting the awful American name, thereby demonstrating that almost any old rubbish is better than calling a thing "Genesis".
Years later, Sega itself released the remodelled Mega Drive 2 in South Korea, and - again - chose not to call it the Genesis 2, suggesting that even Sega itself knew that Genesis was the weaker of the two names.
GENESIS: POPULAR WITH DEATH METAL ACTS
In 2000, the Chilean death metal band Coprofago released an album called Genesis. Tellingly, "Coprofago" is derived from the Greek words meaning "to eat faeces". Again, the same people who thought calling them selves "Eat Faeces" are the sort of people who might think "Genesis" is a good name for a games console.
So, that's perverts and try-hards we have now.
See also the Greek death metal band "Rotting Christ", who also had an album called Genesis.
Sample lyric:
I saw the full face of the menstrual hecate
Four and forty virgins make the form of the gate
It is the key inside me, it is the glyph of the vision
To have a god within, under the name of legion
Love of night manifests infinitely eternally
Love of darkness signifies the enlightened life eternally
Into the divine water, deviation fulfilled
Wisdom is clear, all logic is killed
By the ancient way I project my soul
The task was given it is the death of all
What a load of wank.
So, that's perverts and try-hards we have now.
See also the Greek death metal band "Rotting Christ", who also had an album called Genesis.
Sample lyric:
I saw the full face of the menstrual hecate
Four and forty virgins make the form of the gate
It is the key inside me, it is the glyph of the vision
To have a god within, under the name of legion
Love of night manifests infinitely eternally
Love of darkness signifies the enlightened life eternally
Into the divine water, deviation fulfilled
Wisdom is clear, all logic is killed
By the ancient way I project my soul
The task was given it is the death of all
What a load of wank.
THE BEST BUS IS A MEGA BUS
Putting "Mega" before another word immediately makes it better. Mega-City... megastar... megaton... Megaupload.... Mega-han Markle...
In Europe a Megabus is a coach service that will take you long distances for as little as £1, providing you don't mind being sat next to a drug addict, or a weird loner who is travelling to meet their online lover for the first time.
Please... do not confuse MEGA with #MAGA. Nobody wants a Sega #MAGA Drive.
Question: how many words are improved by putting "Genesis" before it? Just ask yourself if "Genesisbus" would have worked?
In Europe a Megabus is a coach service that will take you long distances for as little as £1, providing you don't mind being sat next to a drug addict, or a weird loner who is travelling to meet their online lover for the first time.
Please... do not confuse MEGA with #MAGA. Nobody wants a Sega #MAGA Drive.
Question: how many words are improved by putting "Genesis" before it? Just ask yourself if "Genesisbus" would have worked?
THE WORST FILMS HAVE GENESIS IN THE TITLE
The worst of The Terminator movies was undoubtedly Terminator: Genisys - which would've still been an awful title even if they'd bothered to use a spell-checker. Frankly, though, how much more intrigued would you be by a movie called Terminator: Mega Drive?
I already know the answer - and it's "loads"... loads more intrigued.
Case closed.
I already know the answer - and it's "loads"... loads more intrigued.
Case closed.
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