They're doing it!
Later this year, Nintendo is releasing a miniature Super NES filled with "20 + 1" games - including the never-before-released Star Fox 2! Of course, pre-orders are already sold out, which suggests that supply-and-demand may be as inexplicably frustrating as it was for the release of the NES Classic last year. But that's okay because, well... never mind, yeah?
If you were unfortunate enough to miss out on Super NES Classic pre-orders, you can "console" - ha ha ha - yourself with the next best thing: ten reminders of why the Super NES was best console.
Later this year, Nintendo is releasing a miniature Super NES filled with "20 + 1" games - including the never-before-released Star Fox 2! Of course, pre-orders are already sold out, which suggests that supply-and-demand may be as inexplicably frustrating as it was for the release of the NES Classic last year. But that's okay because, well... never mind, yeah?
If you were unfortunate enough to miss out on Super NES Classic pre-orders, you can "console" - ha ha ha - yourself with the next best thing: ten reminders of why the Super NES was best console.
MARIO and ZELDA and METROID and STREET FIGHTER II
The reason Super NES was best console is as simple as this: the Super NES had the best games. In fact, few consoles since have managed to match it for the number of all time classics that were smeared along the length of its creamy tights.
The vast majority of SNES games - from Nintendo's own first-party titles, to the best versions of third-party multiformat games - still hold up today. Indeed, they hold up a damn sight better than a lot of the games which followed on the subsequent generation of consoles, and their faltering, albeit necessary, experiments with 3D visuals.
The SNES might've not been the first console to make it to the South Pole, but at least it didn't get frostbite and lose its nose, fingers, and Geoffrey. Whatever that means!
Super NES = best console, okay?
The vast majority of SNES games - from Nintendo's own first-party titles, to the best versions of third-party multiformat games - still hold up today. Indeed, they hold up a damn sight better than a lot of the games which followed on the subsequent generation of consoles, and their faltering, albeit necessary, experiments with 3D visuals.
The SNES might've not been the first console to make it to the South Pole, but at least it didn't get frostbite and lose its nose, fingers, and Geoffrey. Whatever that means!
Super NES = best console, okay?
RAINBOW BUTTONS AND CURVES
Sorry, Americans, but your version of the Super NES was a tormented rascal. It was all horrible, sharp angles and purple highlights, that made everyone try to eat the controller buttons thinking they were Parma Violets: the soap-flavoured treat.
Our Super NES was all smooth and round, like a jelly lozenge. And best of all: it had primary-coloured buttons, making it appear jolly, like a benign chum.
Also: it felt nice and solid and well-made. The Sega Mega Drive had an interesting design, that caused it to resemble HR Giger's thorax, but the second you picked it up or tapped on it you could tell how cheaply constructed it was. Frankly, there was more air in a Mega Drive than a bag of Walkers crisps.
Just to recap: Super NES was best console.
Our Super NES was all smooth and round, like a jelly lozenge. And best of all: it had primary-coloured buttons, making it appear jolly, like a benign chum.
Also: it felt nice and solid and well-made. The Sega Mega Drive had an interesting design, that caused it to resemble HR Giger's thorax, but the second you picked it up or tapped on it you could tell how cheaply constructed it was. Frankly, there was more air in a Mega Drive than a bag of Walkers crisps.
Just to recap: Super NES was best console.
MODE 7
The Super NES could do this: rotate and scale graphics to create a variety of different effects, which immediately set it apart from everything else. It wasn't just about making games look luscious; Mode 7 meant that the SNES could offer gaming experiences that the poor Mega Drive couldn't hope to match, even if it was forced to scrabble around in a moat filled with distemper.
Without Mode 7 there would've been no Mario Kart, Pilotwings, F-Zero, or Super Star Wars... or the assertion that Super NES was best console supreme.
Without Mode 7 there would've been no Mario Kart, Pilotwings, F-Zero, or Super Star Wars... or the assertion that Super NES was best console supreme.
SUPER FX CHIP
And then this happened: later in the life of the Super NES, Britain's very own Argonaut Software developed the Super FX chip. Thus, with the Super FX stuffed into their guts, games such as Star Fox and Stunt Race FX ensured the Super NES became the first console to do polygons in a proper way.
The poor Mega Drive had a little go at the same thing with Virtua Racing - priced at an eye-watering £70 - but it was too little too late. The Mega Drive remained in the role of "disgraced poltron" next to the Super NES as best console!
The poor Mega Drive had a little go at the same thing with Virtua Racing - priced at an eye-watering £70 - but it was too little too late. The Mega Drive remained in the role of "disgraced poltron" next to the Super NES as best console!
BIG WORM
The Super NES cartridge slot was spring-loaded, and big enough to put a large worm in there, if you so desired. Even extra-extra-large worms (XXLWs) could be put inside if you folded them in the middle. Furthermore, the spring-loaded flap meant that the worm would have a hard time escaping, and eventually die!
Worms might not agree, but the rest of us are united in one overriding belief: the Super NES was best console, the khan, the candy solid.
Worms might not agree, but the rest of us are united in one overriding belief: the Super NES was best console, the khan, the candy solid.
FULL COLOUR MANUALS
Nowadays you don't even get a manual with games. At most, you might get a map, which you'll never, ever, refer to, and you'll unfold it and it'll get damaged and torn. Back in the Super NES days, the manuals were full-colour works of art, with lovely hand-drawn visuals and stuff. Can you imagine such an idea - buying something which had the manners and decency to tell you how to use it?
No wonder everyone thinks the SNES was best console in the land of many humans!
No wonder everyone thinks the SNES was best console in the land of many humans!
SPORELESS
One thing the Super NES definitely never did was shoot a jet of fungal spores in your face, when you pressed a button on the top, marked "SPORES". In fact, the Super NES didn't even have a button marked "SPORES".
That's just another example of the forward-thinking from Nintendo's designers - the sort of forward thinking which can only lead to one conclusion: Super NES IS best console.
That's just another example of the forward-thinking from Nintendo's designers - the sort of forward thinking which can only lead to one conclusion: Super NES IS best console.
DIDN'T TRY TOO HARD TO BE COOL
One of the most off-putting things about Sega's Mega Drive - and almost every non-Nintendo console since - was that it was trying too hard to be cool.
Let's face it, consoles are two things: toys and consumer electronics goods. There is nothing cool about either of those, which might be why Sega and Sony always tried to trick customers by selling their machines via edgy advertising, featuring exploding babies and cool guys getting haircuts off of skateboarding Morlocks.
We all know that trying to be cool is probably the least cool thing ever. Nintendo knew this, and never even tried to be cool. Which, of course, made it all the cooler.
On an entirely tangential note, do you know what I found a bit sad? When it was revealed recently that Carrie Fisher had died in part due to decades of drug addiction, and was found to have traces of cocaine, heroin and other nasty "flavours" in her system, loads of people held this up as evidence that she was "cool" and "didn't give a damn".
Here's some information you might like to think about: that isn't cool behaviour. That's just really tragic, and a massive waste of someone's entire life. If the Super NES had been a film star, you can bet it wouldn't have taken loads of drugs and become an addict and died. In fact: the only thing the Super NES was addicted to was being best console for all the boys and girls!
Let's face it, consoles are two things: toys and consumer electronics goods. There is nothing cool about either of those, which might be why Sega and Sony always tried to trick customers by selling their machines via edgy advertising, featuring exploding babies and cool guys getting haircuts off of skateboarding Morlocks.
We all know that trying to be cool is probably the least cool thing ever. Nintendo knew this, and never even tried to be cool. Which, of course, made it all the cooler.
On an entirely tangential note, do you know what I found a bit sad? When it was revealed recently that Carrie Fisher had died in part due to decades of drug addiction, and was found to have traces of cocaine, heroin and other nasty "flavours" in her system, loads of people held this up as evidence that she was "cool" and "didn't give a damn".
Here's some information you might like to think about: that isn't cool behaviour. That's just really tragic, and a massive waste of someone's entire life. If the Super NES had been a film star, you can bet it wouldn't have taken loads of drugs and become an addict and died. In fact: the only thing the Super NES was addicted to was being best console for all the boys and girls!
IT'S BETTER THAN ITS SUCCESSOR
Yeah, that's right. The Super NES was well better than the Nintendo 64. Frankly, the graphics on the SNES have actually aged well better than the N64 visuals, due to the latter's stumbling encounters with textured polygons. The N64 had loads of great games, but they were muddy and brown and blurry compared to the glorious, crisp, sprites of the Super NES. They were cataract simulators.
Consequence: N64 games don't look as good today when compared to the simplicity of something like Yoshi's Island; a game that was available on the Super NES - best console.
Consequence: N64 games don't look as good today when compared to the simplicity of something like Yoshi's Island; a game that was available on the Super NES - best console.
BRONK'S FUNERAL
A hidden Easter egg in all of Nintendo's first-party games would reveal a scene from Bronk's funeral. Pressing both shoulder buttons, followed by Select and Start three times, would show a digitised image of mourners standing over Bronk's coffin, weeping. Pressing the A button on this screen would cause it to rotate, accompanied by a funny whistling noise, which became known as "Bronk's Laudation".
This is just one of many reasons why most believe that the Super NES is best console, and known the globe over as The Prince Of Infernal Contraptions!
This is just one of many reasons why most believe that the Super NES is best console, and known the globe over as The Prince Of Infernal Contraptions!
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