"Sega... Sega... Sega... Sega CATS! Sega Cats are on the move! Sega Cats are loose! Hear the magic, hear the roar! Sega Cats are loose! Da-doo-doo-da-dooo!"
Did you like that? It was a sweet little song that I just wrote about Sega. I didn't even copy it from the theme to the popular cartoon name of Thundercats; it's just a weird coincidence that they're almost identical. The important thing is that it made ya wanna smiiiile!
If you've not heard the rumours, Sega is apparently planning to bring back some of its biggest franchises, in a bid to restore its flaccid fortunes. We know that Sonic is due to reprise his greatest hits imminently, but to hear that some of Sega's other greats could return... well... this is a sensible move.
Sega has an extensive back catalogue, but in recent years it has treated its own heritage in much the same way most of us react at having to siphon dog dirt off a flip-flop.
We can guess at some of the bigger Sega brands which might be making a return. I mean, we can all hope for a new Outrun, Crazy Taxi, or Golden Axe - maybe even a triumphant comeback for Shinobi - but what of the obscurities? What other potential franchises does Sega have shoved away at the back of its "brown chiffonier"?
Here are but ten excellent suggestions. And!
Did you like that? It was a sweet little song that I just wrote about Sega. I didn't even copy it from the theme to the popular cartoon name of Thundercats; it's just a weird coincidence that they're almost identical. The important thing is that it made ya wanna smiiiile!
If you've not heard the rumours, Sega is apparently planning to bring back some of its biggest franchises, in a bid to restore its flaccid fortunes. We know that Sonic is due to reprise his greatest hits imminently, but to hear that some of Sega's other greats could return... well... this is a sensible move.
Sega has an extensive back catalogue, but in recent years it has treated its own heritage in much the same way most of us react at having to siphon dog dirt off a flip-flop.
We can guess at some of the bigger Sega brands which might be making a return. I mean, we can all hope for a new Outrun, Crazy Taxi, or Golden Axe - maybe even a triumphant comeback for Shinobi - but what of the obscurities? What other potential franchises does Sega have shoved away at the back of its "brown chiffonier"?
Here are but ten excellent suggestions. And!
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP
Black and white, released in 1976... there was an arcade remake in 1987, and another for the Master System - but all were mostly forgettable. Asking for a new version of this is akin to demanding a movie remake of Harold Lloyd's 1934 silent classic "Man Hangs From Side of Train".
So why advocate a return? Because of this: Nintendo has pretty much let its Punch Out franchise slide away like a bad oyster, and though Arms is a sort of return to the ring it still isn't a boxing game.
With Heavyweight Champ, Sega could become the dominant force in the not-remotely-existent comedy boxing genre. Stir in a sprinkling of nostalgia - by pitting past Sega characters against one another - and they could even have their own Smash Bros-style franchise. Surely we've all spent time speculating as to the outcome of a fight between Big The Cat and that bandy-legged bloke out of Space Harrier?
Make way for Ha-rold Lloyd! Do-doo-da-doo-do-da-doop! Hoo-ray for Ha-rold Lloyd!
So why advocate a return? Because of this: Nintendo has pretty much let its Punch Out franchise slide away like a bad oyster, and though Arms is a sort of return to the ring it still isn't a boxing game.
With Heavyweight Champ, Sega could become the dominant force in the not-remotely-existent comedy boxing genre. Stir in a sprinkling of nostalgia - by pitting past Sega characters against one another - and they could even have their own Smash Bros-style franchise. Surely we've all spent time speculating as to the outcome of a fight between Big The Cat and that bandy-legged bloke out of Space Harrier?
Make way for Ha-rold Lloyd! Do-doo-da-doo-do-da-doop! Hoo-ray for Ha-rold Lloyd!
PERISCOPE
Periscope... Sonar... Deep Scan... N-Sub... Depth Charge... for some reason, early Sega was slightly obsessed with making games about submarines. With this in mind, it could be time for them to reclaim their crown as the world's foremost producer of submarine 'em ups. Truth be told, how many really great underwater games have there even been (Bioshock doesn't count)?
Indeed, Sega might be able to hold a claim to having created the definitive sub-aquatic game; Ecco The Dolphin. Submarines offer a rich seam of claustrophobia and tension. So, let's see it, Sega. Let's see this thing: a really good, really accessible, submarine warfare game.
I've even thought of another song, which you could use as its theme song: "Tum-te-tum-te-tum/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes!/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how your peris copes! Yeah!"
Ha ha: peris...
Indeed, Sega might be able to hold a claim to having created the definitive sub-aquatic game; Ecco The Dolphin. Submarines offer a rich seam of claustrophobia and tension. So, let's see it, Sega. Let's see this thing: a really good, really accessible, submarine warfare game.
I've even thought of another song, which you could use as its theme song: "Tum-te-tum-te-tum/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes!/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how your peris copes! Yeah!"
Ha ha: peris...
MOTOPOLO
Hello, Moto... Polo...! This ancient Sega tabletop game had players controlling a couple of physical motorbikes, using them to try and smack ping pong balls into an opponent's goal. It was a bit like air hockey - but controlled using under-the-table magnets. It's something all boys can relate to; who among us has never played with their magnets under the table?
Rocket League has proved the potential for a vehicular-ball-oh idea such as this, and though Sega would be rather late to the party - showing just how badly it has (oh-hoh!) dropped the ping pong ball in recent years - it has a brand ready to go. And it dates back to 1968, for pity's sake!
Throw in some Road Rash-esque bike-to-bike combat, and it's almost something entirely original. Apart from all the unoriginal bits.
Shut-up, yeah?
Rocket League has proved the potential for a vehicular-ball-oh idea such as this, and though Sega would be rather late to the party - showing just how badly it has (oh-hoh!) dropped the ping pong ball in recent years - it has a brand ready to go. And it dates back to 1968, for pity's sake!
Throw in some Road Rash-esque bike-to-bike combat, and it's almost something entirely original. Apart from all the unoriginal bits.
Shut-up, yeah?
MATCHLOCK
There was some real bad racism going on in Sega's Matchlock - a shooting game that had players taking aim at Chinese bad guys, who emitted an offensive "Oriental" cry as they were taken down.
Nevertheless, Sega released a ton of mechanical arcade shooting games in its early days, but shooting is a genre that it has always been slow to return to. Unless you count its many, many, on-rails arcade light gun games.
However, for all its outdated and questionable approach, Matchlock had an intriguing historical setting - referred to by the matchlock weapon players were armed with. A 17th Century shoot 'em up could be something to see. Furthermore, it's an era Sega clearly has interest in, judging by its stuffy Total War series.
Nevertheless, Sega released a ton of mechanical arcade shooting games in its early days, but shooting is a genre that it has always been slow to return to. Unless you count its many, many, on-rails arcade light gun games.
However, for all its outdated and questionable approach, Matchlock had an intriguing historical setting - referred to by the matchlock weapon players were armed with. A 17th Century shoot 'em up could be something to see. Furthermore, it's an era Sega clearly has interest in, judging by its stuffy Total War series.
ALEX KIDD
Sega's first attempt to create a mascot to rival Mario, Alex Kidd was a weird proposition. A big-eared alien monkey-like teenager with the ability to grow his fist in order to pummel enemies and prize blocks, he was never going to have the universal appeal of Nintendo's icon.
Nevertheless, the Alex Kidd games were solid platformers, with a stick-in-your-brain theme tune. I'd love to see an all-new Alex Kidd which directly referenced the character's origins as a desperate wannabe - a tongue-in-cheek platform game that turned platformer conventions on their stupid, big-eared head.
Nevertheless, the Alex Kidd games were solid platformers, with a stick-in-your-brain theme tune. I'd love to see an all-new Alex Kidd which directly referenced the character's origins as a desperate wannabe - a tongue-in-cheek platform game that turned platformer conventions on their stupid, big-eared head.
ALIEN STORM
One of Sega's great lost-franchises, Alien Storm was essentially a sci-fi take on the far better known Golden Axe. It boasted a cast of intriguing characters and enemy designs that would've caused HR Giger to wet his bed - from laughing in his sleep!!!!!!?!!!!
These included one end-of-level boss that looked like a raw doner kebab skewer with fire-spewing penises, and giant fanged snails that used post boxes and rubbish bins as their shells. I think we can all agree that this is precisely the sort of thing we need to see more of.
These included one end-of-level boss that looked like a raw doner kebab skewer with fire-spewing penises, and giant fanged snails that used post boxes and rubbish bins as their shells. I think we can all agree that this is precisely the sort of thing we need to see more of.
BONANZA BROS.
One of my favourite Sega games of all time, Bonaza Bros was entirely unique, from its visual style to its gameplay. One or two players could control either of the titular brothers as they attempted to rob a series of mansions, avoiding security guards and nasty dogs.
In some respects, it was the anti-Mario, favouriting stealth and selfish, anti-social behaviour over ADHD-style jumpin' around' and Princess-rescuing. In these everyone-for-themselves times, it would hit the zeitgeist right where it hurts: its glans!
In some respects, it was the anti-Mario, favouriting stealth and selfish, anti-social behaviour over ADHD-style jumpin' around' and Princess-rescuing. In these everyone-for-themselves times, it would hit the zeitgeist right where it hurts: its glans!
RENT-A-HERO
Astonishingly, this profoundly obscure 1992 Mega Drive game (and equally obscure Dreamcast remake) was recently optioned as a movie. Maybe nobody remembers it, but surely this fact alone must make it high on Sega's list?
Some role-playing fans may advocate a return for Sega's stupidly-titled Phantasy Star series, but that would be too much generic J-RPG to push through the phlood.
Rent-a-hero was entirely different. It featured a character who stumbles upon a suit of high-tech armour which gives him super-powers, and sets out to help the people of his town. Though much of the game was top-down 2D, battles were handled like a side-scrolling beat 'em up.
Want further evidence of its credentials? It was produced by the legendary Yu (Hoo!) Suzuki. With its Japanese setting and arcade mini games, it could almost be seem as a proto-Shenmue.
Some role-playing fans may advocate a return for Sega's stupidly-titled Phantasy Star series, but that would be too much generic J-RPG to push through the phlood.
Rent-a-hero was entirely different. It featured a character who stumbles upon a suit of high-tech armour which gives him super-powers, and sets out to help the people of his town. Though much of the game was top-down 2D, battles were handled like a side-scrolling beat 'em up.
Want further evidence of its credentials? It was produced by the legendary Yu (Hoo!) Suzuki. With its Japanese setting and arcade mini games, it could almost be seem as a proto-Shenmue.
PANZER DRAGOON
Panzer Dragoon was a real big deal when it was released on the Saturn. It hasn't aged well alas, but it successfully updated a genre that Sega was known for, from games such as Space Harrier, G-Loc, and Afterburner; the aerial third-person shoot 'em up.
What Panzer Dragoon had going for it was a unique aesthetic that made it look like a prog rock album cover brought to life. It's a world that's ripe for re-exploration, so long as it isn't quite as on-rails as it used to be. That ship has sailed, fartnuggets.
What Panzer Dragoon had going for it was a unique aesthetic that made it look like a prog rock album cover brought to life. It's a world that's ripe for re-exploration, so long as it isn't quite as on-rails as it used to be. That ship has sailed, fartnuggets.
TIME TRAVELLER
Remember this - the first "holographic" video game? It certainly stood out in arcades, because it appeared to feature holographic, live action, characters. It was merely a clever trick, though - a hidden TV screen reflecting on a curved mirror, using the old Pepper's Ghost technique. What was Pepper's Ghost? It was an supernatural illusion created by throwing handfuls of pepper into the eyes of onlookers.
As a game, Time Traveller was a basic quick-time-event-style Laserdisc affair (indeed, it had been developed by one of the feller's behind Dragon's Lair), but it had more going for that.
It starred a time travelling cowboy, as he faced off against an eclectic selection of enemies, from wizards, cavemen, to futuristic robots. There was also a neat time travelling conceit, which allowed you to rewind a few seconds of time. Ditch the FMV, ditch the live action stuff - let's get the time travelling and the characters in a first-person shoot 'em up.
As a game, Time Traveller was a basic quick-time-event-style Laserdisc affair (indeed, it had been developed by one of the feller's behind Dragon's Lair), but it had more going for that.
It starred a time travelling cowboy, as he faced off against an eclectic selection of enemies, from wizards, cavemen, to futuristic robots. There was also a neat time travelling conceit, which allowed you to rewind a few seconds of time. Ditch the FMV, ditch the live action stuff - let's get the time travelling and the characters in a first-person shoot 'em up.
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