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10 REALLY OBSCURE SEGA GAMES THAT SHOULD BE BROUGHT BACK

17/5/2017

39 Comments

 
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"Sega... Sega... Sega... Sega CATS! Sega Cats are on the move! Sega Cats are loose! Hear the magic, hear the roar! Sega Cats are loose! Da-doo-doo-da-dooo!"

Did you like that? It was a sweet little song that I just wrote about Sega. I didn't even copy it from the theme to the popular cartoon name of Thundercats; it's just a weird coincidence that they're almost identical. The important thing is that it made ya wanna smiiiile!

​If you've not heard the rumours, Sega is apparently planning to bring back some of its biggest franchises, in a bid to restore its flaccid fortunes. We know that Sonic is due to reprise his greatest hits  imminently, but to hear that some of Sega's other greats could return... well... this is a sensible move.

Sega has an extensive back catalogue, but in recent years it has treated its own heritage in much the same way most of us react at having to siphon dog dirt off a flip-flop.

We can guess at some of the bigger Sega brands which might be making a return. I mean, we can all hope for a new Outrun, Crazy Taxi, or Golden Axe - maybe even a triumphant comeback for Shinobi - but what of the obscurities? What other potential franchises does Sega have shoved away at the back of its "brown chiffonier"?

​Here are but ten excellent suggestions. And!
HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP
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Black and white, released in 1976... there was an arcade remake in 1987, and another for the Master System - but all were mostly forgettable. Asking for a new version of this is akin to demanding a movie remake of Harold Lloyd's 1934 silent classic "Man Hangs From Side of Train".

So why advocate a return? Because of this: Nintendo has pretty much let its Punch Out franchise slide away like a bad oyster, and though Arms is a sort of return to the ring it still isn't a boxing game.

​With Heavyweight Champ, Sega could become the dominant force in the not-remotely-existent comedy boxing genre. Stir in a sprinkling of nostalgia - by pitting past Sega characters against one another - and they could even have their own Smash Bros-style franchise. Surely we've all spent time speculating as to the outcome of a fight between Big The Cat and that bandy-legged bloke out of Space Harrier?

Make way for Ha-rold Lloyd! Do-doo-da-doo-do-da-doop! Hoo-ray for Ha-rold Lloyd!
PERISCOPE
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Periscope... Sonar... Deep Scan... N-Sub... Depth Charge... for some reason, early Sega was slightly obsessed with making games about submarines. With this in mind, it could be time for them to reclaim their crown as the world's foremost producer of submarine 'em ups. Truth be told, how many really great underwater games have there even been (Bioshock doesn't count)?

Indeed, Sega might be able to hold a claim to having created the definitive sub-aquatic game; Ecco The Dolphin. Submarines offer a rich seam of claustrophobia and tension. So, let's see it, Sega. Let's see this thing: a really good, really accessible, submarine warfare game. 

I've even thought of another song, which you could use as its theme song: "Tum-te-tum-te-tum/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes/See how it copes!/Dip your peris in the sea and see how it copes/See how your peris copes! Yeah!"

Ha ha: peris...
MOTOPOLO
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Hello, Moto... Polo...! This ancient Sega tabletop game had players controlling a couple of physical motorbikes, using them to try and smack ping pong balls into an opponent's goal. It was a bit like air hockey - but controlled using under-the-table magnets. It's something all boys can relate to; who among us has never played with their magnets under the table?

​Rocket League has proved the potential for a vehicular-ball-oh idea such as this, and though Sega would be rather late to the party - showing just how badly it has (oh-hoh!) dropped the ping pong ball in recent years - it has a brand ready to go. And it dates back to 1968, for pity's sake!

​Throw in some Road Rash-esque bike-to-bike combat, and it's almost something entirely original. Apart from all the unoriginal bits. 

Shut-up, yeah?
MATCHLOCK
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There was some real bad racism going on in Sega's Matchlock - a shooting game that had players taking aim at Chinese bad guys, who emitted an offensive "Oriental" cry as they were taken down.

Nevertheless, Sega released a ton of mechanical arcade shooting games in its early days, but shooting is a genre that it has always been slow to return to. Unless you count its many, many, on-rails arcade light gun games.

​However, for all its outdated and questionable approach, Matchlock had an intriguing historical setting - referred to by the matchlock weapon players were armed with. A 17th Century shoot 'em up could be something to see. Furthermore, it's an era Sega clearly has interest in, judging by its stuffy Total War series.
ALEX KIDD
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Sega's first attempt to create a mascot to rival Mario, Alex Kidd was a weird proposition. A big-eared alien monkey-like teenager with the ability to grow his fist in order to pummel enemies and prize blocks, he was never going to have the universal appeal of Nintendo's icon.

Nevertheless, the Alex Kidd games were solid platformers, with a stick-in-your-brain theme tune. I'd love to see an all-new Alex Kidd which directly referenced the character's origins as a desperate wannabe - a tongue-in-cheek platform game that turned platformer conventions on their stupid, big-eared head.
ALIEN STORM
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One of Sega's great lost-franchises, Alien Storm was essentially a sci-fi take on the far better known Golden Axe. It boasted a cast of intriguing characters and enemy designs that would've caused HR Giger to wet his bed - from laughing in his sleep!!!!!!?!!!!

These included one end-of-level boss that looked like a raw doner kebab skewer with fire-spewing penises, and giant fanged snails that used post boxes and rubbish bins as their shells. I think we can all agree that this is precisely the sort of thing we need to see more of.
BONANZA BROS.
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One of my favourite Sega games of all time, Bonaza Bros was entirely unique, from its visual style to its gameplay. One or two players could control either of the titular brothers as they attempted to rob a series of mansions, avoiding security guards and nasty dogs.

In some respects, it was the anti-Mario, favouriting stealth and selfish, anti-social behaviour over ADHD-style jumpin' around' and Princess-rescuing. In these everyone-for-themselves times, it would hit the zeitgeist right where it hurts: its glans!
RENT-A-HERO
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Astonishingly, this profoundly obscure 1992 Mega Drive game (and equally obscure Dreamcast remake) was recently optioned as a movie. Maybe nobody remembers it, but surely this fact alone must make it high on Sega's list?

Some role-playing fans may advocate a return for Sega's stupidly-titled Phantasy Star series, but that would be too much generic J-RPG to push through the phlood.

Rent-a-hero was entirely different. It featured a character who stumbles upon a suit of high-tech armour which gives him super-powers, and sets out to help the people of his town. Though much of the game was top-down 2D, battles were handled like a side-scrolling beat 'em up.

Want further evidence of its credentials? It was produced by the legendary Yu (Hoo!) Suzuki. With its Japanese setting and arcade mini games, it could almost be seem as a proto-Shenmue. 
PANZER DRAGOON
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Panzer Dragoon was a real big deal when it was released on the Saturn. It hasn't aged well alas, but it successfully updated a genre that Sega was known for, from games such as Space Harrier, G-Loc, and Afterburner; the aerial third-person shoot 'em up.

What Panzer Dragoon had going for it was a unique aesthetic that made it look like a prog rock album cover brought to life. It's a world that's ripe for re-exploration, so long as it isn't quite as on-rails as it used to be. That ship has sailed, fartnuggets.
TIME TRAVELLER
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Remember this - the first "holographic" video game? It certainly stood out in arcades, because it appeared to feature holographic, live action, characters. It was merely a clever trick, though - a hidden TV screen reflecting on a curved mirror, using the old Pepper's Ghost technique. What was Pepper's Ghost? It was an supernatural illusion created by throwing handfuls of pepper into the eyes of onlookers.

As a game, Time Traveller was a basic quick-time-event-style Laserdisc affair (indeed, it had been developed by one of the feller's behind Dragon's Lair), but it had more going for that.

It starred a time travelling cowboy, as he faced off against an eclectic selection of enemies, from wizards, cavemen, to futuristic robots. There was also a neat time travelling conceit, which allowed you to rewind a few seconds of time. Ditch the FMV, ditch the live action stuff - let's get the time travelling and the characters in a first-person shoot 'em up.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
SEGA DESERVES TO ROT - BY MR BIFFO
SEGA: LIFE BEFORE THE MASTER SYSTEM - A HISTORY
THE GAMES OF MY YEARS: SEGA MASTER SYSTEM - PART ONE BY MR BIFFO​
39 Comments
John Veness
17/5/2017 10:35:43 am

That Harold Lloyd tune ("a pair of glasses and a smile") has brought back nostalgic memories of Saturday afternoons. Why doesn't the Beeb still show such things? Or, for that matter, cartoons as fillers between programmes, Tom & Jerry, Road Runner and the like?

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Bruce Flagpole
17/5/2017 11:11:39 am

I think we should scrap all these sega games coming back, in favour of a top quality Tom and Jerry game.

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Nick
17/5/2017 10:45:05 am

Skies of Arcadia
Skies of Arcadia
Skies of Arcadia.... That is all.

P.S. I also miss the cartoons filling in between telly programmes.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
17/5/2017 12:50:17 pm

Do you really want modern Sega touching a game you like?

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Nick
17/5/2017 01:42:18 pm

Hhhhhmmm... You're right of course. The risk is too great.

A pox on the harsh realities of life!

Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x
17/5/2017 03:18:50 pm

Football Manager is good, SEGA touch that.... right?

Nick
17/5/2017 04:38:54 pm

I think they only lightly brush against it during the publishing phase. Like a Will-o the wisp delicately passing a drunk gnomes bottom.

dab88
17/5/2017 10:53:22 am

Is Panzer Dragoon really that obscure? There was a decent follow up on the original Xbox called Panzer Dragoon: Orta

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Mr Biffo
17/5/2017 10:59:28 am

The least obscure of the lot (hence me saying it was a real big deal), but who talks about it today - apart from the obsessives?

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Chris Wyatt
17/5/2017 04:41:23 pm

Another Panzer Dragoon RPG would be sweet, and I can't say I'm bothered if they screw it up, as I'm not one of these "OMG, you're ruining my childhood" bellends.

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Keith
17/5/2017 11:13:52 am

Imagine a comedy VR boxing game. That'd be good.

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Nick
17/5/2017 11:18:23 am

It'd be brilliant to watch someone else playing.

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Da5e
17/5/2017 11:33:42 am

Another Panzer Dragoon Saga, or even just a shiny remake of the original, would be nice - it felt different to all the other JRPGs that were kicking around at the time, and the only thing I've played since with a similar atmosphere is NieR:Automata.

I think I read once that the source code got deleted, though, so no remaster :(

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Jol
17/5/2017 02:38:25 pm

PD Saga was great, or at least the first disc that ended up as a magazine cover disc was. A modern version of PD as an open world action RPG where you can fly about on the back of a dragon fighting giant monsters doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world.

Another Saturn game that could use a remake/sequel is Shining Force 3. The XCOM series has shown that people still like turn based strategies, so why not have one with a JRPG twist?

There are other older RPGs it'd be nice to see getting an update, like Soleil (a more elaborate animal combo system could be fun) or Dragon Force.

On the more obscure side of things... Eternal Champions? It had one of the most diverse set of characters compared to your typical 90s beat 'em up (with the exception of possibly Clay Fighter).

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Kelvin Green link
19/5/2017 08:38:41 am

If you want Japanese turn-based strategy games, then Nippon Ichi has done about 400 of them. I'd say there's not much room for Sega to muscle in on that, although Valkyria Chronicles is well-regarded, and that's Sega.

Wet Ham
17/5/2017 11:34:29 am

Well, if anyone can defeat a raw doner kebab skewer with fire-spewing penises, It's Elvis.

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Jim Leighton (Future World Darts Champion) x
17/5/2017 12:25:54 pm

Best comment ever!

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Sir Tongara de Pepperouchau III
17/5/2017 11:37:17 am

Clockwork Knight was a lovely little game.

I'd love to see more Outrun and Afterburner.
Where do you go after Afterburner Climax?

Afterburner: The Morning After(burner).
Afterburner Climax - The 2nd (in)Coming.
Afterburner: Burning Sensation.

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Biscuits
17/5/2017 01:53:53 pm

The closest to Clockwork Knight I have played in recent days is the charming-to-the-point-of-danger Puppeteer on PS3

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Tane
17/5/2017 12:14:27 pm

Kid Chameleon

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Kestrel
17/5/2017 02:37:13 pm

Possibly my favourite Mega Drive game!

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Biscuits
17/5/2017 01:07:35 pm

Dynamite Headdy is one of my favourite games of all time, but I rack my noggin trying to think of a way it could work in modern times. It's Treasure anyway I 'spose.

Isn't Punch Out comedy boxing?

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Mr Biffo
17/5/2017 02:16:39 pm

Yeeeess... but as I say, Punch Out isn't exactly being exploited by Nintendo these days.

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Biscuits
17/5/2017 02:56:41 pm

Oh yeah, my bad

Leigh
21/5/2017 04:33:05 pm

Well, there was a new one on the Wii in 2009, but judging by how quickly it came and went I'm guessing most people gave this number of shits: no shits. Which is probably why they chucked Punch-Out over a hedge and started a weird new springy-arm robot boxing game instead.

Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
17/5/2017 02:25:45 pm

Nintendo has always been king of submarine em ups... Steel Diver on the 3DS is a lot of fun, but is riddled with microtransactions and Nintendo's notoriously stingy demo length.

Before that, Radar Mission (and by before that, I mean two and a half decades) was a very polished rendition of Seawolf...and that was only half of the fun on the cartridge!

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Biscolas
17/5/2017 02:50:58 pm

I also want to express my love for Bonanza Bros! It got the standard '65%' rating in every publication but I loved it, I imagine the superb graphics had something to do with it. It's also the first game I completed all by myself. I really want to play it now, time for an emulator when I get home

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Johnny
17/5/2017 05:14:49 pm

Not obscure, but Road Rash update please.

Or Skitchin'.

I loved those games. Racing and hitting people.

Fun.

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Biscuits
17/5/2017 06:40:10 pm

If your tolerance for all things 'most 90s' is not well and truly depleted, may I posit 'Skitchin'' as most 90s game of all time? It's got radical dudes, extreme sports and genuine edge. It's even got it's own grunge soundtrack, which to this day remains the funniest soundtrack out there imo

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Uncle Leo
17/5/2017 05:32:35 pm

What if Sagar was modarn?!??!?

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Newman
17/5/2017 06:48:13 pm

Sonnc get ipad

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Kenny Bania
18/5/2017 07:17:04 am

2 Tales get Samsung Galaxy 4

Gs69
17/5/2017 08:38:42 pm

Panzer dragoon zwei could do with a remake it's a massive improvement over the original but playing now on the Saturn is hard to stomach the graphics are awful but the gameplay and atmosphere are superb. Sega has really lost their way such amazing IPs but every time they remake something they mess it up it's as though they don't understand what made the originals good. Sumo know how to make a sega game more sega than sega do themselves let them have free run of their IPs.

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King of Duckhenrys
17/5/2017 09:26:43 pm

I loved HoD:Overkill

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Tony Noverham
17/5/2017 09:41:09 pm

When I was young my mum called doing diarrhoea "loose". Completely changes the Thundercats theme tune.

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DEAN
18/5/2017 01:19:02 am

LOL - I like that!

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Col. Asdasd
18/5/2017 07:57:46 am

I would humbly submit Comix Zone for consideration. It was a total 90s cheesefest, but charming as hell with it. Perfect timing for Sega too, for cashing in on that millennial nostalgia wave which should herald the official End of History.

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KingMonkey
18/5/2017 11:34:41 pm

I'd like to see a relaunch of Altered Beast; a Yakuza-style viewpoint game set in modern Greece where you either try and make enough money to pay back a huge Euro loan by doing manual jobs (like Shenmue) or kick some 2-headed dogs, harvest their energy & transform into a fantastic beast with special powers and fight across levels/cross countries borders looking for the end-of-game boss Chancellor Merkel.

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Kelvin Green link
19/5/2017 08:36:54 am

There's a Japanese-exclusive Dreamcast rpg called Segagaga which -- presciently -- is about trying to save Sega from destruction.

At one point you run into a down-on-his-luck Alex Kidd who tells you all about his fall from grace and how he turned up to work one day only to find a blue hedgehog with lots of attitude in his place:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNiHxnB9urs

It's more poignant than it should be. I think it's the sad version of his theme tune, or that image of Sonic being a git.

Anyway, I'd like to see a new Jet Set Radio game. Not an obscure franchise, but one that could do with a new instalment.

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