Celebrities are the best aren't they? They're like us, except they're famous for some reason or other, and they go to the gym and watch what they eat and they get photographed with make-up and nice lighting and that, thus reminding us what ungodly, useless, hideous, monstrosities we ordinary folk really are.
They're like normal people, but with all the flaws edited away or airbrushed out; sort of the other end of the primate scale to monkeys, I suppose. No wonder we idolise them - and then point and laugh when they show signs that they might be human after all. "HA HA! That'll learn 'em to be portrayed as better than us!".
But anyway. Celebrities haven't just been confined to films and television and magazines and stuff. Sometimes they also appear in video games. Here are 10 of the more unlikely celeb gaming cameos.
They're like normal people, but with all the flaws edited away or airbrushed out; sort of the other end of the primate scale to monkeys, I suppose. No wonder we idolise them - and then point and laugh when they show signs that they might be human after all. "HA HA! That'll learn 'em to be portrayed as better than us!".
But anyway. Celebrities haven't just been confined to films and television and magazines and stuff. Sometimes they also appear in video games. Here are 10 of the more unlikely celeb gaming cameos.
DEUS EX MACHINA
Mel Croucher's impenetrably bizarre Deus Ex Machine was probably - nay, definitely - the first bona-fide multimedia computer game.
Loosely based on Shakespeare's Seven Ages Of Man, it boasted an original soundtrack synchronised to the game, and voice-overs from a number of bona-fide mid-80s celebrities - including Jon Pertwee, Ian Dury and Frankie Howerd... as well as socialist campaigner E.P. Thompson (son of L.P. and father of Cassette Single).
This was no mean feat given that it was released on the ZX Spectrum, a computer better known for shrieking at the player as if it was having some sort of seizure. Consequently, it came with a separate audio cassette which had to be timed to run alongside the game.
Though there can be few of us from that era who really understood what the ruddy Jeremy it was all about, Croucher released anniversary edition a couple of years back, featuring "Sir" Christopher Lee and China Whyte, whoever that is.
Loosely based on Shakespeare's Seven Ages Of Man, it boasted an original soundtrack synchronised to the game, and voice-overs from a number of bona-fide mid-80s celebrities - including Jon Pertwee, Ian Dury and Frankie Howerd... as well as socialist campaigner E.P. Thompson (son of L.P. and father of Cassette Single).
This was no mean feat given that it was released on the ZX Spectrum, a computer better known for shrieking at the player as if it was having some sort of seizure. Consequently, it came with a separate audio cassette which had to be timed to run alongside the game.
Though there can be few of us from that era who really understood what the ruddy Jeremy it was all about, Croucher released anniversary edition a couple of years back, featuring "Sir" Christopher Lee and China Whyte, whoever that is.
APOCALYPSE
This PlayStation shooter featured a digital recreation of one Bruce "Bruno" Willis - who also loaned his dulcet can't-really-be-arsed tones to Activision for the protagonist Terry Kincaid.
Given that his actual face was plastered onto the main character, Willis remained a slight presence in the game; his dialogue was limited to the occasional one-liner or spurt of exposition.
Curiously, the game engine was reworked for another celeb-endorsed offering: the wildly different Tony Hawk's Round Ireland With a Fridge (Pro Skater).
Given that his actual face was plastered onto the main character, Willis remained a slight presence in the game; his dialogue was limited to the occasional one-liner or spurt of exposition.
Curiously, the game engine was reworked for another celeb-endorsed offering: the wildly different Tony Hawk's Round Ireland With a Fridge (Pro Skater).
POSTAL 2
From Bruce Willis to "What you talking about, Willis?", Gary Coleman appeared as himself in the sequel to the controversial mass murder simulation. Coleman acts as a boss character, who ends up incarcerated following an altercation with "Postal Dude" at a book signing - during which it was possible to urinate on Coleman. No doubt this was wish fulfilment for many a fan of Diff'rent Strokes.
He also appears as a horde of zombified versions of himself during a hallucination sequence, and goes on an anti-police rampage of his own, during which he exclaims - while gunning down police officers - "I got your Willis right here".
On a related note, why was Diff'rent Strokes written like that? Why is that apostrophe even necessary? It always bothered me. Was it meant to be urban?
He also appears as a horde of zombified versions of himself during a hallucination sequence, and goes on an anti-police rampage of his own, during which he exclaims - while gunning down police officers - "I got your Willis right here".
On a related note, why was Diff'rent Strokes written like that? Why is that apostrophe even necessary? It always bothered me. Was it meant to be urban?
TEKWAR
In the early-90s, William Shatner attempted to reinvent himself as an author, by not bothering to write any books. "His" series of ghost-written TekWar novels were set in a future ravaged by a powerful narcotic called Tek - a self-confessed blend of Star Trek and TJ Hooker.
When the books were made into a TV show, Shatner appeared as the character Bascom - a role he reprised in cut-scenes for the TekWar game. A first-person shooter for the PC, TekWar - or, rather, William Shatner's TekWar to give it its full title - was reviewed mostly favourably at the time. Funny how history has been less kind.
When the books were made into a TV show, Shatner appeared as the character Bascom - a role he reprised in cut-scenes for the TekWar game. A first-person shooter for the PC, TekWar - or, rather, William Shatner's TekWar to give it its full title - was reviewed mostly favourably at the time. Funny how history has been less kind.
CHUCK NORRIS SUPERKICKS
Released on the Atari VCS, Colecovision, Vic-20 and Commodore 64, Chuck Norris Superkicks was simple beat 'em up, with Norris kicking his way through waves of monks and ninjas to rescue some kidnapped bloke from a monastery.
Get this: Norris's first wife was called Dianne Holechek, which sounds a bit like Holodeck - another thing from Star Trek.
Get this: Norris's first wife was called Dianne Holechek, which sounds a bit like Holodeck - another thing from Star Trek.
DEVO PRESENTS: ADVENTURES OF THE SMART PATROL
Remember Devo? They were that band who sung Whip It! while wearing plant pots on their heads.
Sporting all the worst excesses of the CD-ROM interactive movie era, Adventures of the Smart Patrol had the player attempting to capture the cruel "Turkey Monkey" - "an insane, horrible freak mutant, the result of a rogue recombinant DNA experiment" - who wants to unleash a bone-dissolving virus on Spudland.
The story - such as it was - had been co-written by the band, who also composed the soundtrack (later released as an album). If you can imagine Myst, but even more boring and all sort of wacky, then congratulations: you have successfully imagined Adventures of the Smart Patrol.
Sporting all the worst excesses of the CD-ROM interactive movie era, Adventures of the Smart Patrol had the player attempting to capture the cruel "Turkey Monkey" - "an insane, horrible freak mutant, the result of a rogue recombinant DNA experiment" - who wants to unleash a bone-dissolving virus on Spudland.
The story - such as it was - had been co-written by the band, who also composed the soundtrack (later released as an album). If you can imagine Myst, but even more boring and all sort of wacky, then congratulations: you have successfully imagined Adventures of the Smart Patrol.
THE WACKY WORLD OF MINIATURE GOLF WITH EUGENE LEVY
Eugene Levy probably remains best known as playing Jason Biggs' inappropriate dad in the American Pie movies. It shows the desperate flailing of Philips' CD-i that the company considered a pre-Pie Levy the sort of star signing perfect to narrate a "comedy" crazy golf game, that played more like a pre-animated laserdisc arcade game. Albeit not as entertaining as even that might sound.
Oddly, this wasn't Levy's only encounter with gaming; he also created the TV sitcom adaptation of LucasArts' Maniac Mansion. Astonishingly, it ran for three awful series in the early-90s.
Oddly, this wasn't Levy's only encounter with gaming; he also created the TV sitcom adaptation of LucasArts' Maniac Mansion. Astonishingly, it ran for three awful series in the early-90s.
MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH-OUT!
Nintendo these days tends to gloss over the fact that Punch-Out! was originally called Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! The boxer not only lent his name to the game, but also appeared as a final boss - though was replaced by Super Macho Man when Nintendo's license to use Tyson's likeness expired.
Nevertheless, the original Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! remains one of the few Nintendo games to be endorsed by a registered sex offender.
Nevertheless, the original Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! remains one of the few Nintendo games to be endorsed by a registered sex offender.
OMIKRON: THE NOMAD SOUL
Omikron was a weird mash-up of various different genres - adventure, puzzle, first-person shooters, and beat 'em ups - given a sort of "cyberpunk" spin.
David Bowie was originally approached with a view to composing the soundtrack, but requested that he become more intimately involved - ultimately having input to the story and gameplay, and appearing in-game as two different characters; a fugitive revolutionary, and a fictional musician. In the true spirit of nepotism, he even got his wife Iman playuing another role, and roped in several of his band members.
The soundtrack featured eight original tracks composed by Bowie, most of which appeared on his album Hours, with others being utilised as b-sides.
David Bowie was originally approached with a view to composing the soundtrack, but requested that he become more intimately involved - ultimately having input to the story and gameplay, and appearing in-game as two different characters; a fugitive revolutionary, and a fictional musician. In the true spirit of nepotism, he even got his wife Iman playuing another role, and roped in several of his band members.
The soundtrack featured eight original tracks composed by Bowie, most of which appeared on his album Hours, with others being utilised as b-sides.
CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS 2
US comedian and late-night chat show host Jimmy Kimmel - a man who always seems to be squinting - appeared as himself in two different endings to Black Ops 2.
Depending on how you completed the game, you either saw the heroic character of Chloe "Karma" Lynch appearing on Kimmel's show, or - if Lynch died in the game, leading to the escape of her target - Kimmel joking about the absence of fugitive Nicaraguan terrorist Raul Menendez.
That doesn't sound very funny.
Depending on how you completed the game, you either saw the heroic character of Chloe "Karma" Lynch appearing on Kimmel's show, or - if Lynch died in the game, leading to the escape of her target - Kimmel joking about the absence of fugitive Nicaraguan terrorist Raul Menendez.
That doesn't sound very funny.
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