If you're reading this, chances are you probably quite like video games.
We can't be certain, but if you're anything like us you also like drinking... heavily... until you pass out and fall over and crack your head on a table and have to be taken to hospital where a friendly doctor shows you more compassion than you ever got from either of your parents and you accidentally call her "Mum" and she gives you a funny look and backs out of the treatment cubicle because you inexplicably tipped your head back and started rolling your tongue around your mouth while sobbing without even blinking...
With all of the above kept freshly in mind, here are seven establishments where you can combine these: your twin passions.
We can't be certain, but if you're anything like us you also like drinking... heavily... until you pass out and fall over and crack your head on a table and have to be taken to hospital where a friendly doctor shows you more compassion than you ever got from either of your parents and you accidentally call her "Mum" and she gives you a funny look and backs out of the treatment cubicle because you inexplicably tipped your head back and started rolling your tongue around your mouth while sobbing without even blinking...
With all of the above kept freshly in mind, here are seven establishments where you can combine these: your twin passions.
10. EXP (VANCOUVER, CANADA)
Described as a place for "the mature gamer", Vancouver's EXP got a leg-up when it ran a successful Indigogo crowd-funding campaign three years ago.
A typical bar food/booze menu (sample dishes: Pixel Perfect Pizza, the Triforce Burger, Harvest Moon Veggie Sliders...) is offered alongside some, uh, Mario-themed stickers on the walls, and screens showing pre-recorded e-sport events.
However, while the theming might be a tad on the light side, EXP holds its own regular gaming nights. This coming month features a get-together for Monster Hunter fans to "trade stories, fight monsters, and consume delicious food and drink", as well as a speed-run competition to see who can kill Gore Magala in the shortest time. St. Patrick's Day sees a night dedicated to Luigi (he may be Italian, but he wears green, you see). Later in the month: EXP's Amiibo Rumble Arena...
Just remember, kids: EXP is a bar for "the mature gamer" only, so you and your stupid little toy figures aren't welcome there. Stupid little toy figures are too good for kids.
And to think, racists believe Canada is just a load of people standing around on mountain tops going: "Look at that moose, eh".
A typical bar food/booze menu (sample dishes: Pixel Perfect Pizza, the Triforce Burger, Harvest Moon Veggie Sliders...) is offered alongside some, uh, Mario-themed stickers on the walls, and screens showing pre-recorded e-sport events.
However, while the theming might be a tad on the light side, EXP holds its own regular gaming nights. This coming month features a get-together for Monster Hunter fans to "trade stories, fight monsters, and consume delicious food and drink", as well as a speed-run competition to see who can kill Gore Magala in the shortest time. St. Patrick's Day sees a night dedicated to Luigi (he may be Italian, but he wears green, you see). Later in the month: EXP's Amiibo Rumble Arena...
Just remember, kids: EXP is a bar for "the mature gamer" only, so you and your stupid little toy figures aren't welcome there. Stupid little toy figures are too good for kids.
And to think, racists believe Canada is just a load of people standing around on mountain tops going: "Look at that moose, eh".
9. GAME BAR A BUTTON (TOKYO, JAPAN)
Widely regarded as something of a mecca for retro gaming fans, Tokyo's Game Bar A Button - in the heart of the famous Akihabara district - is a mini museum full of gaming memories. The tiny space is piled high with memorabilia - posters, old consoles, merchandise - and the walls are literally paved (hung) with joypads.
It's a curiosity, but a somewhat impractical place to spend an entire night out - it's more like having a beer in a hoarder's bedroom than sitting in a bar. You might half expect to accidentally kick over a stack of old games magazines and find the flaking, mummified remains of the owner's mother.
It's a curiosity, but a somewhat impractical place to spend an entire night out - it's more like having a beer in a hoarder's bedroom than sitting in a bar. You might half expect to accidentally kick over a stack of old games magazines and find the flaking, mummified remains of the owner's mother.
8. A CAVE
The biggest downside with playing games in a cave is the lack of electricity or wifi. However, take a handheld along and a keg of vodka, and it's the perfect environment in which to play games. Plus: great acoustics. When your handheld runs out of power you can just walk around in circles, screaming and vomiting.
7. SPACE STATION (OSAKA, JAPAN)
Osaka's Space Station is a proper bar full of proper consoles - which customers are free to play on... for free. As well as a full compliment of retro systems, they apparently even have an Oculus Rift, meaning the gaming on offer spans the decades. Who doesn't want to stand in a public space, surrounded by drunk people... while their hearing and vision are obscured?
A particularly nice touch are the toilets - which are decorated with a history of toilet sequences from games. There are also the usual game-inspired cocktails and shots, such as the Dr Mario, Floating Peach and Zangief. B+ for effort, but C- for quality of punnage.
A particularly nice touch are the toilets - which are decorated with a history of toilet sequences from games. There are also the usual game-inspired cocktails and shots, such as the Dr Mario, Floating Peach and Zangief. B+ for effort, but C- for quality of punnage.
6. BARCADE (BROOKLYN, USA)
Barcade is a chain of retro gaming-themed bars, and the grungy, warehouse-like Brooklyn branch is the original and - apparently - best. Its lo-fi, retro aesthetic is pure hipster-bait, but the place is full of old arcade games - Aero Fighters, Bubble Bobble, Donkey Kong Jr etc.
Admittedly, the emphasis is more on the drinking of craft beers than gaming thrills - and those thrills cost a "quarter" a pop - but high scores are at least listed on the bar's website.
There is also the occasional gaming event - including, in the past, a Wii tennis tournament to coincide with Wimbledon. Just try not to accidentally hit a hipster in the beard when you swing that Wiimote. Except: do "accidentally" do that, because it would be funny and justified.
Admittedly, the emphasis is more on the drinking of craft beers than gaming thrills - and those thrills cost a "quarter" a pop - but high scores are at least listed on the bar's website.
There is also the occasional gaming event - including, in the past, a Wii tennis tournament to coincide with Wimbledon. Just try not to accidentally hit a hipster in the beard when you swing that Wiimote. Except: do "accidentally" do that, because it would be funny and justified.
5. HEAVEN
The best thing about Heaven is you'll have access to games spanning the entirety of eternity itself, plus free wifi, and unlimited drink refills. The worst thing is that alcohol is banned, so those refills are for soft drinks only.
If you want to get drunk you'll have to apply for a day-pass to Hell, where you can get loaded before climbing back up Jacob's Ladder - and hope St. Peter forgets to use the breathalyser. We all know what a rules Nazi that guy can be. Also, he has a girl's haircut.
If you want to get drunk you'll have to apply for a day-pass to Hell, where you can get loaded before climbing back up Jacob's Ladder - and hope St. Peter forgets to use the breathalyser. We all know what a rules Nazi that guy can be. Also, he has a girl's haircut.
4. LOADING BAR (LONDON, UK)
Deep in the heart of London's Hipster Town (Dalston), the Tokyo-inspired Loading Bar is arguably the UK's leading gaming drink-hole. As well as free-to-play retro arcade games, it boasts an extensive cocktail menu - sporting pun-tastic names such as Deus Ex On The Beach, Destini, Assassin's Mead, World of Barcraft, Mega Manhattan etc.
The bar also features regular gaming events, including One Life Left's legendary Marioake nights. To celebrate the bar's fifth birthday, Loading Bar is holding a party on March 14th, featuring a live podcast from our chums at Midnight Resistance, plus giveaways, and a DJ set.
Also, don't tell anyone this... but the bar staff secretly award free drinks to anyone who writhes around on the floor pretending to be a big worm. Don't believe us? Just give it a go... and if anyone asks what you're doing, remember to say the phrase: "I'm being a big worm".
The bar also features regular gaming events, including One Life Left's legendary Marioake nights. To celebrate the bar's fifth birthday, Loading Bar is holding a party on March 14th, featuring a live podcast from our chums at Midnight Resistance, plus giveaways, and a DJ set.
Also, don't tell anyone this... but the bar staff secretly award free drinks to anyone who writhes around on the floor pretending to be a big worm. Don't believe us? Just give it a go... and if anyone asks what you're doing, remember to say the phrase: "I'm being a big worm".
3. MELTDOWN (PARIS, FRANCE)
Since opening its Paris branch, the Meltdown franchise has spread all over Europe (including London) like a viral form of alcoholism that only affects massive nerds. With an emphasis very much on e-Sports and competitive gaming, nights are given over to the likes of DOTA 2, Street Fighter 4, and Counter-Strike - with the action played out on networked computers, or projected onto a big screen.
The vibe is much more hardcore gamer-y than some of the other establisments on this listing - and consequently you're less likely to get in a fight with someone because their carefully-cultivated facial hair accidentally brushed the back of your neck, or they ran over your foot with their ridiculous little fold-up bike.
The vibe is much more hardcore gamer-y than some of the other establisments on this listing - and consequently you're less likely to get in a fight with someone because their carefully-cultivated facial hair accidentally brushed the back of your neck, or they ran over your foot with their ridiculous little fold-up bike.
2. DAVE AND BUSTERS (VARIOUS, USA)
Think of the noisiest thing you can imagine. Now imagine something even noisier, accompanied by the dying roars and chest-thumps of Pavarotti - and you'll have some idea of the decibel level at the average Dave & Buster's. Since launching in Dallas in 1982, a further 72 Dave & Busters have opened across the USA (and one in Canada).
They're typically very much a traditional arcade - of the sort that are in desperately short supply these days - with a good mix of classic and more recent arcade games, prize machines, air hockey etc. - albeit coupled to a bar and restaurant. If you can put up with the generic American food, and whooping, repeated chants of "USA! USA!", this might be the greatest place you'll ever visit.
They're typically very much a traditional arcade - of the sort that are in desperately short supply these days - with a good mix of classic and more recent arcade games, prize machines, air hockey etc. - albeit coupled to a bar and restaurant. If you can put up with the generic American food, and whooping, repeated chants of "USA! USA!", this might be the greatest place you'll ever visit.
1. YOUR BEDROOM
Nothing quite beats drinking alone, except... drinking alone IN BED while PLAYING GAMES. You don't even have to get up to go to the lavatory: just use that empty Pringles tube, guy. Nobody will ever know. Except, maybe, your mum when she comes in to look for all the missing bowls, and ask when you're going to get a job, and to please stop taking money out of her purse without permission.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 EXAMPLES OF TERRIBLE GAME COVER ART
10 TERRIBLE RETRO "SEX" GAMES
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 EXAMPLES OF TERRIBLE GAME COVER ART
10 TERRIBLE RETRO "SEX" GAMES
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