We can't be certain, but if you're anything like us you also like drinking... heavily... until you pass out and fall over and crack your head on a table and have to be taken to hospital where a friendly doctor shows you more compassion than you ever got from either of your parents and you accidentally call her "Mum" and she gives you a funny look and backs out of the treatment cubicle because you inexplicably tipped your head back and started rolling your tongue around your mouth while sobbing without even blinking...
With all of the above kept freshly in mind, here are seven establishments where you can combine these: your twin passions.
A typical bar food/booze menu (sample dishes: Pixel Perfect Pizza, the Triforce Burger, Harvest Moon Veggie Sliders...) is offered alongside some, uh, Mario-themed stickers on the walls, and screens showing pre-recorded e-sport events.
However, while the theming might be a tad on the light side, EXP holds its own regular gaming nights. This coming month features a get-together for Monster Hunter fans to "trade stories, fight monsters, and consume delicious food and drink", as well as a speed-run competition to see who can kill Gore Magala in the shortest time. St. Patrick's Day sees a night dedicated to Luigi (he may be Italian, but he wears green, you see). Later in the month: EXP's Amiibo Rumble Arena...
Just remember, kids: EXP is a bar for "the mature gamer" only, so you and your stupid little toy figures aren't welcome there. Stupid little toy figures are too good for kids.
And to think, racists believe Canada is just a load of people standing around on mountain tops going: "Look at that moose, eh".
It's a curiosity, but a somewhat impractical place to spend an entire night out - it's more like having a beer in a hoarder's bedroom than sitting in a bar. You might half expect to accidentally kick over a stack of old games magazines and find the flaking, mummified remains of the owner's mother.
A particularly nice touch are the toilets - which are decorated with a history of toilet sequences from games. There are also the usual game-inspired cocktails and shots, such as the Dr Mario, Floating Peach and Zangief. B+ for effort, but C- for quality of punnage.
Admittedly, the emphasis is more on the drinking of craft beers than gaming thrills - and those thrills cost a "quarter" a pop - but high scores are at least listed on the bar's website.
There is also the occasional gaming event - including, in the past, a Wii tennis tournament to coincide with Wimbledon. Just try not to accidentally hit a hipster in the beard when you swing that Wiimote. Except: do "accidentally" do that, because it would be funny and justified.
If you want to get drunk you'll have to apply for a day-pass to Hell, where you can get loaded before climbing back up Jacob's Ladder - and hope St. Peter forgets to use the breathalyser. We all know what a rules Nazi that guy can be. Also, he has a girl's haircut.
The bar also features regular gaming events, including One Life Left's legendary Marioake nights. To celebrate the bar's fifth birthday, Loading Bar is holding a party on March 14th, featuring a live podcast from our chums at Midnight Resistance, plus giveaways, and a DJ set.
Also, don't tell anyone this... but the bar staff secretly award free drinks to anyone who writhes around on the floor pretending to be a big worm. Don't believe us? Just give it a go... and if anyone asks what you're doing, remember to say the phrase: "I'm being a big worm".
The vibe is much more hardcore gamer-y than some of the other establisments on this listing - and consequently you're less likely to get in a fight with someone because their carefully-cultivated facial hair accidentally brushed the back of your neck, or they ran over your foot with their ridiculous little fold-up bike.
They're typically very much a traditional arcade - of the sort that are in desperately short supply these days - with a good mix of classic and more recent arcade games, prize machines, air hockey etc. - albeit coupled to a bar and restaurant. If you can put up with the generic American food, and whooping, repeated chants of "USA! USA!", this might be the greatest place you'll ever visit.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 EXAMPLES OF TERRIBLE GAME COVER ART
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