10 OBSCURE ATARI MACHINES THAT YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT

For some reason there's a new Atari console on the way, demonstrating that some dogs never learn their lesson, no matter how many times you rub their nose in some dirty business.

We all know the broad strokes of Atari's rollercoaster hardware output - Pong, VCS, Atari ST, Lynx, Jaguar, oblivion - but between those tentpoles there were many other Atari machines. Some of these were released to little fanfare. Others simply never got that far.

Here are ten Atari systems that you may not have heard about. And if you have... good for you. I literally couldn't care less, probably.

ATARI JAGUAR VR

Let's make like a proctologist and begin at the end - with the painful folly that was the Jaguar. By 1995, when Atari first started talking about releasing a virtual reality headset, interest in VR was fading faster than a Scotsman's tan (good joke).

Sega had realised this already, shelving the Sega VR project - which would've given Mega Drive owners real bad headaches - and the medium was on its back in the arcades. This didn't stop Atari demonstrating the sort of clued-up thinking for which it would soon be famed, by teaming up with arcade VR pioneers Virtuality to develop a headset for the Jaguar.

Missile Command 3D was the only game ever developed for the prototype - which was shelved as the Jaguar swiftly evolved into the butt of games industry jokes.

​Butt? Insert proctology joke here... you know: like a proctologist's finger!!!!!!

COSMOS

An unreleased tabletop system, the Cosmos would've used simple LED visuals enhanced with a holographic screen overlay. It was unveiled - and shelved later the same year - in 1981, along with nine games, several of which were based upon arcade titles such as Space Invaders, Asteroids, and Outlaw.

Get this: it wasn't so long ago that holograms were considered so futuristic that there was even a hologram art gallery in London's Trocadero centre. Now look how far we've come; holograms are everywhere. They're on bank cards, your dad's a hologram... we even eat them for our dinner, I think...! 

PANTHER

The Panther was a proposed 32-bit system that was designed to be an under-the-telly successor to the handheld Lynx. Three games are known to have been in development - Raiden, Cybermorph, and Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy - which later ended up on the Jaguar, cementing its terrible reputation like a mix of concrete and poo.

The system was abandoned when work on the Jaguar was deemed as progressing faster than expected. Given that the Panther was cobbled together from the guts of the Atari ST this might've been for the best. Or not, given the Jaguar's fate.

Either way... it's probably more effort than it's worth to spend time thinking about. 

VIDCOM 1

Developed by "Atari Healthcare Systems", the Vidcom-1 was designed as a communication device from people who were unable to speak due to disability or injury.

Boasting almost as many buttons as the Jaguar joypad, the controls on the Vidcom-1 correlated to words, which would be displayed via an LED screen on the front.

From the selection of words available - "fine", "drink", "eat", "full", "hot", "cold", "phone", "play", "time", "sick", "tired", "bthrm", "hello", "bye", "what", "where", "when", "want", "who", "how", "help" - users would be able to generate many different complex phrases.

"Hello play time bthrm what? Help."

The life cycle of the Atari Jaguar owner encapsulated in a single sentence.

BIONICS

Another device developed with medicine in mind, Atari's Bionics system was a modular unit into which "cartridges" could be slotted which offered different functions; testing heart rate, blood pressure, etc. It was not to be confused with Bionic Breakthrough - a game developed for Atari's similarly aborted Mindlink hands-free controller. Or, indeed, Steve Austin: the so-called "Bionic Man". 

If it had eventually been released many years later, they could've got Alanis Morissette to sing the advert.

"Isn't it Bionics, don't you think?"

"Not anymore, madam: this patient is dead!"

"That's ironic."

"No it isn't."

GAME BRAIN

The 2600 wasn't Atari's first console; throughout the 70s it released a number of dedicated machines featuring built-in games. The Game Brain - scheduled for a 1978 release - was essentially an anthology of 10 of these games, with controllers built into the main hardware.

All but three of these games would have been variations of Pong, though the system was cancelled when the console market shifted towards cartridge-based systems.

Frankly, the roots of Atari's demise can be traced back to the beginning. If they'd been passengers on the Titanic, they'd have still been trying to get a hot stone treatment in the spa as the ship went down.

"Look, Jack! I'm flying! Wheee!"

<JUMPS OFF NEAR-VERTICAL SHIP... KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS ON PROPELLOR, DROWNS>

STUNT CYCLE

Released in 1977, Atari's Stunt Cycle console offered four built-in motorcycle-based games, controlled via a neat motorcycle handbar-style controller. It crashed hard, landing in a difficult year for the oversaturated games market - a situation not helped by Atari itself releasing no fewer than six Pong-style dedicated consoles the same year.

You don't really get people jumping over things on motorbikes anymore. Back in the 1970s you couldn't turn on a TV without seeing somebody leaping over buses or barrels. Indeed, it would be interesting to know the point at which the stunt cycle industry jumped the shark. 

​Probably when Eddie Kidd was paralysed. Dunno.

VIDEO MUSIC

When Atari released a CD-ROM add-on for the Jaguar, it included a light synthesiser, which offered trippy visuals to accompany music.

This wasn't the first time it had dabbled with such technology, releasing its Video Music system in 1977 - a piece of hardware which sat between your hi-fi and your TV, and (yes) offered graphics to watch while dirty hippies listened to their Gentle Giant albums. Interestingly, Atari Video Music graphics have featured in numerous films, music videos and TV shows, including an episode of The X-Files, back before its legacy had been so carelessly sullied.

VIDEO PINBALL

One of the many landfill dedicated consoles released in 1977, Atari's Video Pinball offered no fewer than 7 games - 4 versions of pinball, a basketball game, and two versions of Breakout. Visually, it was pretty basic - simple blocks representing the pinball table - and sadly lacked an option for deaf, dumb and blind kids to play by sense of smell. So much for accessibility. 

SPECTOR

A "holographic" console unveiled by Atari in 1981, the Spector played games on a "holoptic" cylinder which dropped into the top of the machine, and spun around to offer 3D-ish visuals via three windows. Allowing up to three players to play simultaneously, the aim was to avoid fire past an opponent's shields - the shot passing along their "prong" to register a hit. As amazing as that sounds, and as cool as it looked, it never made it past the prototype stage.

As you'll have noted already, the Spector appeared to take inspiration from two famous pop culture murderers; it's aesthetics appeared to have been influenced by Darth Vader, and its name was clearly taken from the music producer Phil Spector.