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10 OBSCURE ATARI MACHINES THAT YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW ABOUT

14/5/2018

27 Comments

 
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For some reason there's a new Atari console on the way, demonstrating that some dogs never learn their lesson, no matter how many times you rub their nose in some dirty business.

We all know the broad strokes of Atari's rollercoaster hardware output - Pong, VCS, Atari ST, Lynx, Jaguar, oblivion - but between those tentpoles there were many other Atari machines. Some of these were released to little fanfare. Others simply never got that far.

Here are ten Atari systems that you may not have heard about. And if you have... good for you. I literally couldn't care less, probably.
ATARI JAGUAR VR
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Let's make like a proctologist and begin at the end - with the painful folly that was the Jaguar. By 1995, when Atari first started talking about releasing a virtual reality headset, interest in VR was fading faster than a Scotsman's tan (good joke).

Sega had realised this already, shelving the Sega VR project - which would've given Mega Drive owners real bad headaches - and the medium was on its back in the arcades. This didn't stop Atari demonstrating the sort of clued-up thinking for which it would soon be famed, by teaming up with arcade VR pioneers Virtuality to develop a headset for the Jaguar.

Missile Command 3D was the only game ever developed for the prototype - which was shelved as the Jaguar swiftly evolved into the butt of games industry jokes.

​Butt? Insert proctology joke here... you know: like a proctologist's finger!!!!!!
COSMOS
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An unreleased tabletop system, the Cosmos would've used simple LED visuals enhanced with a holographic screen overlay. It was unveiled - and shelved later the same year - in 1981, along with nine games, several of which were based upon arcade titles such as Space Invaders, Asteroids, and Outlaw.

Get this: it wasn't so long ago that holograms were considered so futuristic that there was even a hologram art gallery in London's Trocadero centre. Now look how far we've come; holograms are everywhere. They're on bank cards, your dad's a hologram... we even eat them for our dinner, I think...! 
PANTHER
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The Panther was a proposed 32-bit system that was designed to be an under-the-telly successor to the handheld Lynx. Three games are known to have been in development - Raiden, Cybermorph, and Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy - which later ended up on the Jaguar, cementing its terrible reputation like a mix of concrete and poo.

The system was abandoned when work on the Jaguar was deemed as progressing faster than expected. Given that the Panther was cobbled together from the guts of the Atari ST this might've been for the best. Or not, given the Jaguar's fate.

Either way... it's probably more effort than it's worth to spend time thinking about. 
VIDCOM 1
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Developed by "Atari Healthcare Systems", the Vidcom-1 was designed as a communication device from people who were unable to speak due to disability or injury.

Boasting almost as many buttons as the Jaguar joypad, the controls on the Vidcom-1 correlated to words, which would be displayed via an LED screen on the front.

From the selection of words available - "fine", "drink", "eat", "full", "hot", "cold", "phone", "play", "time", "sick", "tired", "bthrm", "hello", "bye", "what", "where", "when", "want", "who", "how", "help" - users would be able to generate many different complex phrases.

"Hello play time bthrm what? Help."

The life cycle of the Atari Jaguar owner encapsulated in a single sentence.
BIONICS
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Another device developed with medicine in mind, Atari's Bionics system was a modular unit into which "cartridges" could be slotted which offered different functions; testing heart rate, blood pressure, etc. It was not to be confused with Bionic Breakthrough - a game developed for Atari's similarly aborted Mindlink hands-free controller. Or, indeed, Steve Austin: the so-called "Bionic Man". 

If it had eventually been released many years later, they could've got Alanis Morissette to sing the advert.

"Isn't it Bionics, don't you think?"

"Not anymore, madam: this patient is dead!"

"That's ironic."


"No it isn't."
GAME BRAIN
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The 2600 wasn't Atari's first console; throughout the 70s it released a number of dedicated machines featuring built-in games. The Game Brain - scheduled for a 1978 release - was essentially an anthology of 10 of these games, with controllers built into the main hardware.

All but three of these games would have been variations of Pong, though the system was cancelled when the console market shifted towards cartridge-based systems.

Frankly, the roots of Atari's demise can be traced back to the beginning. If they'd been passengers on the Titanic, they'd have still been trying to get a hot stone treatment in the spa as the ship went down.

"Look, Jack! I'm flying! Wheee!"

<JUMPS OFF NEAR-VERTICAL SHIP... KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS ON PROPELLOR, DROWNS>

STUNT CYCLE
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Released in 1977, Atari's Stunt Cycle console offered four built-in motorcycle-based games, controlled via a neat motorcycle handbar-style controller. It crashed hard, landing in a difficult year for the oversaturated games market - a situation not helped by Atari itself releasing no fewer than six Pong-style dedicated consoles the same year.

You don't really get people jumping over things on motorbikes anymore. Back in the 1970s you couldn't turn on a TV without seeing somebody leaping over buses or barrels. Indeed, it would be interesting to know the point at which the stunt cycle industry jumped the shark. 

​Probably when Eddie Kidd was paralysed. Dunno.
VIDEO MUSIC
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When Atari released a CD-ROM add-on for the Jaguar, it included a light synthesiser, which offered trippy visuals to accompany music.

This wasn't the first time it had dabbled with such technology, releasing its Video Music system in 1977 - a piece of hardware which sat between your hi-fi and your TV, and (yes) offered graphics to watch while dirty hippies listened to their Gentle Giant albums. Interestingly, Atari Video Music graphics have featured in numerous films, music videos and TV shows, including an episode of The X-Files, back before its legacy had been so carelessly sullied.
VIDEO PINBALL
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One of the many landfill dedicated consoles released in 1977, Atari's Video Pinball offered no fewer than 7 games - 4 versions of pinball, a basketball game, and two versions of Breakout. Visually, it was pretty basic - simple blocks representing the pinball table - and sadly lacked an option for deaf, dumb and blind kids to play by sense of smell. So much for accessibility. 
SPECTOR
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A "holographic" console unveiled by Atari in 1981, the Spector played games on a "holoptic" cylinder which dropped into the top of the machine, and spun around to offer 3D-ish visuals via three windows. Allowing up to three players to play simultaneously, the aim was to avoid fire past an opponent's shields - the shot passing along their "prong" to register a hit. As amazing as that sounds, and as cool as it looked, it never made it past the prototype stage.

As you'll have noted already, the Spector appeared to take inspiration from two famous pop culture murderers; it's aesthetics appeared to have been influenced by Darth Vader, and its name was clearly taken from the music producer Phil Spector.
27 Comments
Kieren
14/5/2018 10:04:40 am

CyberMorph and Trevor McFurr were never in development for the Panther, they were Jaguar games from day 1. The latter was actually inspired by Starfox believe it or not! Raiden, Dino Dudes, Steel Talons, Road Riot 4WD and a Jeff Minter shoot 'em up that was first shown as Antelope Attack were though.

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Kieren
14/5/2018 10:06:18 am

Also 2 other titles were developed for the Jaguar VR. A port of Zone Hunter, which was actually completed and is in the hands of a collector, and Virtuality were also porting Buggy Ball too.

Reply
Mr Biffo
14/5/2018 10:13:44 am

Yeah, you told me that on Facebook.

Reply
Snids
14/5/2018 10:14:43 am

Wasn't the great Yak (Jeff Minter) responsible for developing the music visualiser?

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Neptunium
14/5/2018 11:51:17 am

Yes - the one for the Jag, but not Video Music.

Whatever happened to music visualisation? I have fond memories of tweaking Winamp back in the day, and we even had an absolutely bonkers but ace game based around it (Vib Ribbon). Nowadays I guess the youngsters are too busy watching videos on their youtubes and honking on their crack pipes to care. Grumble grumble.

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Alastair
14/5/2018 04:15:00 pm

Did Winamp change the visualisation in time with the music?

I remember Windows Media Player did, was stoned watching that a few times.

Starbuck
14/5/2018 09:50:31 pm

Yeah, I've always loved visualisations. The original PlayStation had a fabulously trippy one - there was always something thrilling about playing your own CDs in it. Less visually overwhelming, even the single line of Vib Ribbon felt like the interactive future back then.

Nowadays you can get something like Project M for your phone, put some music on, and justj cast your acid trip visuals to your telly. Nice.

Winamp did have some good ones, though, like Milkdrop and AcidSpunk, despite sounding particularly NSFW.

Chris Wyatt
25/6/2018 06:35:41 pm

Winamp had stonking visualisations. Beat the pants off Windows Media Player (at the time).

I do miss the old music players for Windows. I remember being quite fond of Sonique:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonique_(media_player)

CJJC
14/5/2018 11:12:45 am

I was also released in 1977 and offer four built-in motorcycle-based games, but mine are controlled in a different way.

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Miles Hayler
14/5/2018 11:32:26 am

Techmoan did an awesome video on the Video Music

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BobMonkeypimp
14/5/2018 01:18:29 pm

I'd "heard of" the Panther, the Stunt Cycle, the Jaguar VR & the Video Music. Your title saying "never heard of" is bullcrap Biffo.

Reply
Neptunium
14/5/2018 02:37:53 pm

I agree. Biffo should always have a survey before writing articles of this ilk and change his headlines to "10 xxx that an average of 79.7% of 1,369 people surveyed hadn't heard of". Then maybe for each item in the top ten we could have a detailed breakdown of whom had heard of each item by sex, race, religion, age range and foot size.

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Mr Biffo
14/5/2018 04:55:37 pm

Hey, Bobmonkeypimp! Get a load of this: I hope I ruined your day.

Reply
BobMonkeypimp
15/5/2018 12:18:02 am

Sorry, didn't realise you were on your period :)

Sam
15/5/2018 02:15:05 pm

Here's the comment I came for

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Mr Biffo's parrot
14/5/2018 01:41:17 pm

He literally couldn't care less, probably.

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Jim Beecher
14/5/2018 04:57:13 pm

Pedantic point: Steve Rogers is Captain America, Steve Austin is the Bionic Man.

Thanks for tolerating my pedantry.

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Palindari
14/5/2018 06:34:44 pm

It’s Steve AUSTIN who was the iconic Bionic Man.
Steve ROGERS is Captain America.

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Mr Biffo
14/5/2018 08:24:38 pm

Yeah, alright, fuckers. "Wooo-oooh! Let's all point out, Mr Biffo's mistake, because we've got nothing better to do!".

Tsk.

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Lummox60N
14/5/2018 09:26:16 pm

You know, if you sorta half shut your eyes and read that response, it kinda comes across as something Ricky Gervais might say...

Mr Biffo
15/5/2018 08:27:04 am

Sigh.

Lummox60N
14/5/2018 09:33:31 pm

This took me back to two times of my life...the time when holograms were new and obviously pointed to a future when EVERYTHING would be holograms, EEEEEEEVERYTHING. They were the very hallmark of scientific progression...I seem to remember Big Holograms being given away with cartons of Kia Ora. I'm fairly certain the state of my teeth now is a result of my quest to complete the set of those.
AND the time I went out and bought a Jaguar just to play AvP. And maybe Iron Soldier. And probably Doom. It might not have been all it was supposed to be, but it WAS worth it for AvP...

Reply
Adam
14/5/2018 09:43:52 pm

Another good article Mr B, but you seem a bit cheesed off today. Hope all's well.

Reply
Mr Biffo
15/5/2018 08:27:41 am

On the contrary, my particularly good mood made me feel "mischievous".

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Adam
15/5/2018 05:06:59 pm

Ah, pleased to hear it.

GP
15/5/2018 09:43:41 am

"If they'd been passengers on the Titanic, they'd have still been trying to get a hot stone treatment in the spa as the ship went down."

Brilliant haha

Reply
NixPix
16/5/2018 04:14:12 pm

Pedantry alert! Hot stone treatments were not available at the time the Titanic went down ‘cos Vic the hot stone therapist had knocked off his shift by then, he didn’t work nights. I thought everyone knew that. Come on Biffo, do your research!

Reply



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