We live in an enlightened age. A time when gaming is more inclusive than ever. Sadly, it was not always thus - and that is never better reflected than in the advertising of the day.
Here are 10 more questionable computer and video game adverts from before we (you) were even born.
Remember to turn off your ad-blockers, you appalling freeloaders.
Here are 10 more questionable computer and video game adverts from before we (you) were even born.
Remember to turn off your ad-blockers, you appalling freeloaders.
10. BACK TO THE FUTURE: THE PINBALL
So, you go to all the effort of hiring someone who bears a passing resemblance to Michael J Fox, and then you hire some random to play the part of Christopher Lloyd's Doc Brown. Are they meant to be portraying the characters from the popular movie series? If so, the costumes are all wrong (not least "Doc's" rolled-up cargo pants). Are they mean to be Back to the Future cosplayers? If so, the costumes are still all wrong (brown trainers? For Marty? C'mon...). Or are we meant to assume some sort of relationship between the two? If so, the costumes are probably fine. Let the imminent dry-humping commence!
9. ATARI COMPUTER CAMPS
Hats off to Atari for inviting girls to attend their Atari Computer Camps. It feels progressive for 1983 - a time when, as soon we shall see, computers and video games really were considered a male-only pursuit. Unfortunately, they then go and spoil it by revealing the real reason girls like Atari Computer Camps: because there will be boys there. OhmygoshboyssocuteI'mgonnasqueeeeeee!
8. MC KIDS
Well now. This has got it all going on. Desperation barely covers it. MC Kids was a McDonald's-sponsored platformer aimed at children. Of course, that rather limits the potential audience - as this flailing effort attests. By featuring one of the game's creators, Darren Bartlett, it attempts to tell us that this is no mere child's toy - nobody as "major cool" or "mondo crazy" as Darren Bartlett could ever create a game just for kids. Y'know... just look at him. But hey - Barlett is so totally way wild he didn't just create the MC Kids: he "mind-warped" them into the game.
7. DORKLY NINTENDO GEAR & STUFF
It takes a moment to realise that the blonde-fringed lovely is stepping into a picture frame here and hasn't just gotten lost from the rest of his "jazz hands" chorus line.
6. PALAMEDES
The desperation dial has been cranked right up again with this ad for NES puzzler Palamedes. Look at that guy, erupting from the cheese there. We're assuming he's intended to be some sort of role model. Do you want to be like him, with his gelled spikes, shades, Hawaiian shirt and acid house badge? Or do you just want to run him over with a steamroller like we do?
5. ACCLAIM DOUBLE PLAYER
Not a bad effort, but it's the choice of models here which grants us pause. They appear to have arrived fresh from Sunday school. And they seem to be sniffing those wrestlers. Not sure wrestler-sniffing was ever in the Bible, nice boys. "My wrestler smells like a moist dad".
4. DAIKATANA
Poor Jon Romero and his Daikatana - one of the most over-hyped games ever, and quite rightly an enormous flop. Perhaps they'd have had a little more success if they hadn't chosen to promote the game with this fairly direct threat of sexual violence. We may be wrong, but we're pretty sure that anyone picturing themselves gagging on flaxen-haired man mountain Jon Romero is probably less likely to buy his game.
3. SEGA SATURN
Well, here you go. Sorry, girls of 1995: you're not wanted. The Sega Saturn isn't for the likes of you. Get back in the kitchen where you belong. Us men have got important work to do.
2. GAME BOY
Let us try to analyse what the message is here: that inserting an animal into the front of your underwear is "fun". Is it tickling him? Is it biting and scratching? Is it just the very idea of doing this that is "fun"? Or is there something else going on here? Something much, much darker? Whatever the case, the pallid star of this advertisement is so enjoying his Game Boy that he appears not to have noticed the wild animal gnawing through his genitalia.
1. GAME GEAR & SONIC BUNDLE
Yes, it's another of those terrible Sega adverts that ran in Viz Comic back in the 90s. We sort of see what they're getting at, but ask any man and they'll tell you that the middle image is only going to inspire nausea, rather than the presumably intended urge to buy a Sega Game Gear. On the plus side, we suppose we have to give them credit for featuring both male and female naughty bits. We just wish the testicles weren't so painfully flattened.
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