Disneyland! It's literally the happiest place on earth, guy!
Who wouldn't want to spend the day in the company of humanoid animals, eating turkey legs in the shadow of a grand castle, like they're living some primary coloured reinterpretation of The Island of Doctor Moreau?
It's a place where adults can be kids again, and kids are free to act out their fantasies. Here's Digitiser2000's rundown of ten such lucky youngsters who got to live the Disney dream.
Who wouldn't want to spend the day in the company of humanoid animals, eating turkey legs in the shadow of a grand castle, like they're living some primary coloured reinterpretation of The Island of Doctor Moreau?
It's a place where adults can be kids again, and kids are free to act out their fantasies. Here's Digitiser2000's rundown of ten such lucky youngsters who got to live the Disney dream.
10. BOVERY
"We were having a fantastic day. We'd been on It's A Small World, ridden the teacups, and then I stupidly made some completely neutral comment under my breath about Gamergate, and she just wouldn't stop crying."
9. "SLIM"
"Slim loves everything to do with Disney, and we visit the park three or four times a year. Normally we have an amazing day, but on this occasion - just after we arrived - he overheard someone mention Gamergate and spent the rest of the day in hysterics."
8. PEK-PEK
"You kind of trust Disney to keep things family friendly and fun. It should be a safe environment for families, but I guess you can't control nature. We'd been looking forward to our trip for 18 months. We saved up so we could afford to take her to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique to get the dress she wanted. And then we found a spot to watch one of the parades, and that's when it all went wrong: she looked up in the sky and saw a cloud that somehow reminded her of Gamergate, and she just kind of shut down. She didn't speak for a week. She just kept shaking and whimpering."
7. NEWBORT
"It was my fault entirely. I don't know what I was thinking. I got Newbort the Mickey ears and - for some reason - when I put it on her head I sort of chuckled and said 'Now you look like something out of Gamergate'. She became so distraught that she vomited twice."
6. FNELLLA
"We'd taken her to one of the character breakfasts they do, where you get to eat breakfast with Mickey Mouse and Donald and all those guys. We never should've gone. She'd had a bad dream about Gamergate the night before, and she still wasn't over it. We'd been up since 4am changing her bed sheets, while trying to prevent her from scratching our eyes out."
5. PETRIL
"We were eating frozen bananas outside Sleeping Beauty's Castle when I saw a tiny, homosexual grub on a wall. 'Look at that gay maggot', I said - but Petril misheard, and thought I'd made a reference to Gamergate. She immediately soiled herself, had some sort of powerful fit, and needed to be taken away on a gurney. I'm not sure if we'll ever even see her again."
4. SOBARD
"This was our second time at Disney, and we're never going back. We passed a couple of staff members who were having a conversation about Mervyn Peak's literary series Gormenghast, but because they were heavily accented it sounded as if they were discussing Gamergate. I confronted them, and suggested they keep their voices down, but by that point the damage was done. Sobard tried to throw himself under the hooves of the carousel horses."
3. TWINE
"It's been two weeks since we got home from Disney, and Twine is still sobbing, after he saw some merchandise featuring the anthropomorphic duck character, Gyro Gearloose from the animated TV series Duck Tales. We tried to point out to him that not everything with the initials 'GG' was related to Gamergate, but he just puts his fingers in his ears, and glares at us through his tear-stained eyes."
2. PRIMBLE
"Have you ever witnessed anything as sad as your own child crying silently for three hours, because a theme park's gates reminded them of Gamergate? I haven't - and I say that as someone who once saw five of his immediate family members die when they fell off The Sphinx."
1. JESSOP
"We wish Disney would ban all talk of Gamergate at their parks. Until it happens, we won't be returning. Jessop had been really looking forward to meeting her favourite character, Minnie Mouse, but as she approached, Minnie threw her arms wide, and bellowed 'GAMERGATE!' in some sort of weird, asexual voice. Jessop was so startled and disturbed that she told us she's going to grow up and develop a number of psychological disorders, and listen to Radiohead a lot."
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