It makes sense; nearly 120 million Game Boys were sold worldwide, and it was the machine that all good folk owned - from kids to their parents to First Ladies and Last Ladies.
If it is happening, presumably it won't be miniaturised like its sister machines - because that would be ridiculous - and it had better not require batteries, and needs to have a decent, back-lit screen, and a little vent that dispenses an edible protein paste called "Miyamoto Mulch".
What games would Nintendo stuff into the pelvic keyhole of this so-called "Pale Henry"? Here are the runners and riders.
I have fond memories of Christmas 1991, and my shrieking mother being hooked on it as much as I was. Surely everyone remembers that first time they got their lines into triple digits - and that horrible, one-more-go, feeling of desperately trying to do it again?
There's probably a drug reference in there, if I've fully understood the terminology in songs by coolboyz and HBO dramas, but having never done no stuff like that you'll have to... well... I dunno. Drugs, eh? Cool and funny! Ha ha.
And lest we forget that Tetris theme music; as toasted into your brain as that time you fell over a waterfall and had to be rescued by a sweet little octopus.
Also, Nintendo should've released a range of Tetris crockery called "Tetri dishes".
Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins brought SNES-levels of chunkiness to the visuals, a feat which was built upon for the next game in the series, Wario Land. Let's have that in the Game Boy Classic too, dude.
Thus, this was a Mario game in all but name, and the climactic stage featured a mutated Donkey Kong - prior to his later rehabilitation following his conviction for human abduction, and a 10-stretch in "monkey prison". He's a damn dirty ape. Or was. People can change, you know. Even primates - or should that be... pri-inmates?!?!
No. Just... don't.
And kicked off scores of endless corrections about how you pronounce "Pokemon". I do it wrong, apparently. Who cares? Cheque please.
Though designed as a game for people who weren't familiar with platformers (you know: idiots), a hidden bonus hard mode ensured that even more experienced players could get something out of it. If they could overlook the weird marshmallow character who inhaled things.
It's not that big a deal, really. I'm making a fuss over nothing, for some reason.
Astonishingly, the link cable allowed 16 people to play simultaneously. Imagine having 16 friends? I struggle to keep up with the half a dozen I do have. Though that's mostly out of choice, because I'm a terrible person, and I go to bed at 8pm most nights.
Did you know that Samus Arran is actually a lady? Well, I know you know now, but nobody did at the time. Ha ha - you were being emasculated all along!
"Oh look - a sweet potato! And now for some sweet potato mash... and is that... blood !?! I should probably see a specialist."
Has anybody ever seen a mole in real life? We've all seen molehills, but why no moles? What's that all about? Frankly, there's more evidence of the existence of ghosts and zombies than there are moles.
"Doctor, doctor, I've got a large mole on my back."
"No, that's a tenrec, a species of mammal typically found in Madagascar. Yes, I did have to look that up on Wikipedia. Get out of my office, brah."