Eating rubbish is one of the great joys of life. Eating junk food while playing video games is even better. Now imagine eating junk food while playing video games inspired by junk food - that really is living the dream. Except: it isn't, because most of the games based upon corporate junk food mascots were terrible.
Here are ten games from the days when advertisers got around restrictions on selling artery-clogging, tooth-rotting, nutritionally-challenged fare, to kids, by hiding their message in the form of video games.
Here are ten games from the days when advertisers got around restrictions on selling artery-clogging, tooth-rotting, nutritionally-challenged fare, to kids, by hiding their message in the form of video games.
ACTION BIKER WITH CLUMSY COLIN
What are KP Skips? Are they shells? Flowers? If you look at them, they resemble nothing less than a sort of bleached, puckered anus. And, obviously, they taste and smell a little fishy... so draw your own conclusions.
In the 1980s, KP decided inexplicably to promote Skips with the character of Clumsy Colin - who got his own computer game, in the form of Action Biker. Quite why you'd want to promote a snack food with a character who appears to be suffering from dyspraxia is anyone's guess, but Action Biker - despite being radically different games on the ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64 - was inexplicably well received at the time.
Mercifully, Colin's bleached, puckered anus was absent from the gameplay.
In the 1980s, KP decided inexplicably to promote Skips with the character of Clumsy Colin - who got his own computer game, in the form of Action Biker. Quite why you'd want to promote a snack food with a character who appears to be suffering from dyspraxia is anyone's guess, but Action Biker - despite being radically different games on the ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64 - was inexplicably well received at the time.
Mercifully, Colin's bleached, puckered anus was absent from the gameplay.
COOL SPOT
Cool Spot was as much evidence of the 90s penchant for games characters with "attitude" as it was a display of the junk food advertising which leapfrogged TV restrictions on promoting such products to kids.
Cool Spot is remembered as being a sufficiently good game to spawn a sequel, and in both the associations with 7-Up were relatively underplayed - despite a sequence in which he surfs upon a 7-Up bottle. It displayed the sort of polished animation and considered level design which propelled programmer Dave "Not That one" Perry to later success with games such as Aladdin and Earthworm Jim.
Cool Spot is remembered as being a sufficiently good game to spawn a sequel, and in both the associations with 7-Up were relatively underplayed - despite a sequence in which he surfs upon a 7-Up bottle. It displayed the sort of polished animation and considered level design which propelled programmer Dave "Not That one" Perry to later success with games such as Aladdin and Earthworm Jim.
ASSORTED McDONALD'S GAMES
McDonald's released a number of video games in the 1990s: Donald Land, Treasureland Adventure, MC Kids and Global Gladiators to name but four - the latter being a cynical attempt to promote awareness of the environment... Something for which McDonald's is of course famed...
It earns its placing in gaming history as being the final project Dave "Not That one" Perry programmed before Cool Spot, and the first roll-out of the game engine which he would do his best to run into the ground over the ensuing years.
It earns its placing in gaming history as being the final project Dave "Not That one" Perry programmed before Cool Spot, and the first roll-out of the game engine which he would do his best to run into the ground over the ensuing years.
CHESTER CHEETAH: TOO COOL TO FOOL
The version of Cheetos we get in the UK are rubbish compared to the American ones. Ours are a sort of sub-Wotsit, cardboard-y puff, whereas the American version are crunchy nobbles, with a strong cheese flavour. It is perhaps for this reason that the UK never really took the brand's mascot, Chester Cheetah - yet another wobbly-limed try-hard with sunglasses and attitude - to heart.
Describing himself as a "hip kitty", Chester's main modus operandi was to steal the Cheetos from other snackers. This behaviour was oddly absent in 1992's Too Cool to Fool, though its unnecessary sequel, Wild Wild Quest, featured much in the way of Cheetos-quaffing.
Chester's other notable video game-related appearance was in issue 72 of the Sonic The Hedgehog comic series, in which he appeared inexplicably as a movie director.
Describing himself as a "hip kitty", Chester's main modus operandi was to steal the Cheetos from other snackers. This behaviour was oddly absent in 1992's Too Cool to Fool, though its unnecessary sequel, Wild Wild Quest, featured much in the way of Cheetos-quaffing.
Chester's other notable video game-related appearance was in issue 72 of the Sonic The Hedgehog comic series, in which he appeared inexplicably as a movie director.
KOOL-AID MAN
What messed-up accident of evolution created Kool-Aid Man? Imagine if instead of skin, we had some sort of translucent carapace, which revealed our innards as nothing more than some sort of crimson nutrient fluid, sloshing around. Furthermore, Kool-Aid Man appears to carry his offspring into battle, while spouting the immortal mating cry "Oh yeah!". Imagine having that as your father.
Anyway, they did an Atari 2600 and Intellivision game of him.
Anyway, they did an Atari 2600 and Intellivision game of him.
YO! NOID
Before Street Fighter II and Resident Evil, Capcom released Yo! Noid for the NES, a game featuring the then-mascot of Domino's Pizza.
According to Wikipedia, The Noid was "Clad in a red, skin-tight, rabbit-eared body suit with a black N inscribed in a white circle, the Noid was a physical manifestation of all the challenges (becoming annoyed—'a noid') inherent in getting a pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less".
Makes sense.
The Noid was dropped as the company mascot, following an hostage situation involving a mentally ill man, who believed The Noid was somehow a reference to him.
The tragic incident was described by Time magazine thusly: "Kenneth Noid, 22, walked into a Domino's Pizza shop in Chamblee, Ga., with a .357 Magnum revolver and took two employees hostage.
"When police arrived, he demanded $100,000 in cash, a getaway car and a copy of The Widow's Son, a 1985 novel about secret societies in an 18th century Parisian prison. All Noid got was the pizza he ordered. After a five-hour siege, the two employees slipped away and Noid gave himself up. According to police, Noid has 'psychological problems'."
According to Wikipedia, The Noid was "Clad in a red, skin-tight, rabbit-eared body suit with a black N inscribed in a white circle, the Noid was a physical manifestation of all the challenges (becoming annoyed—'a noid') inherent in getting a pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less".
Makes sense.
The Noid was dropped as the company mascot, following an hostage situation involving a mentally ill man, who believed The Noid was somehow a reference to him.
The tragic incident was described by Time magazine thusly: "Kenneth Noid, 22, walked into a Domino's Pizza shop in Chamblee, Ga., with a .357 Magnum revolver and took two employees hostage.
"When police arrived, he demanded $100,000 in cash, a getaway car and a copy of The Widow's Son, a 1985 novel about secret societies in an 18th century Parisian prison. All Noid got was the pizza he ordered. After a five-hour siege, the two employees slipped away and Noid gave himself up. According to police, Noid has 'psychological problems'."
PEPSIMAN
An early stab at the endless-runner-style of game, Pepsiman was a low-budget PlayStation effort featuring Pepsi's then-mascot in Japan. Notably, it wasn't Pepsiman's only video game appearance: after being paid a lot of money, Sega agreed to include him in their 1996 arcade beat 'em up, Fighting Vipers, in which his specialty is listed as being the ability to "quench one's thirst".
COCA-COLA KID
A Japan-only exclusive for the Game Gear, Coca-Cola Kid was an unmemorable platformer, in which the titular kid - a generic anime boy - consumed Coca-Cola to restore his health. You know: because Coca-Cola is well known for its health-regenerating properties... if by "health-regenerating" you mean "diabetes-inducing".
Beyond this, the game's ties to Coca-Cola were slight: fuelled by a sugar rush, the Kid roams the streets kicking birds and burly muscle-men, and - in one notable boss encounter - a gentleman who throws his Elizabethan ruff at him in a fit of pique.
Beyond this, the game's ties to Coca-Cola were slight: fuelled by a sugar rush, the Kid roams the streets kicking birds and burly muscle-men, and - in one notable boss encounter - a gentleman who throws his Elizabethan ruff at him in a fit of pique.
THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS: THE GRAPE ESCAPE
Created by The California Raisin Board to promote incest (raisins), The California Raisins were something of a phenomenon in the 80s - releasing albums and animated TV shows, and even getting Grammy nominations.
A video game was inevitable - but despite being previewed, and scheduled by Capcom for a 1990 release, The Grape Escape was cancelled, following a dramatic and unexplained drop in raisin sales. Ultimately, the California Raisin campaign was considered a flop: Californian raisin growers revealed that the costs of the campaign were double their earnings.
A video game was inevitable - but despite being previewed, and scheduled by Capcom for a 1990 release, The Grape Escape was cancelled, following a dramatic and unexplained drop in raisin sales. Ultimately, the California Raisin campaign was considered a flop: Californian raisin growers revealed that the costs of the campaign were double their earnings.
BUDWEISER TAPPER
Later known as Root Beer Tapper, the original version of the arcade classic was produced in association with Budweiser. It featured heavy branding, employed actual Budweiser beer tap handles as controllers, and utilised the Budweiser theme song: "Horst-Wessel-Lied".
Inevitably, there were accusations that the game promoted alcohol to minors, which resulted in the later sterilised version - which made a half-hearted attempt to replace the bar of the original with an all-American "malt shop", of the sort people in this country relate to in the same way they relate to Noo-Noo from the Teletubbies..
Inevitably, there were accusations that the game promoted alcohol to minors, which resulted in the later sterilised version - which made a half-hearted attempt to replace the bar of the original with an all-American "malt shop", of the sort people in this country relate to in the same way they relate to Noo-Noo from the Teletubbies..
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