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10 GAME SEQUELS THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE SWAPPED PIXELS FOR POLYGONS

19/2/2018

24 Comments

 
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There was a point in the games industry when pixels tumbled out of fashion, and everybody wanted to caper and romp to the lusty beat of a brand new Disco King. To wit: the bold new craze that was The Polygon Shuffle.

Having seen the successful transition the Mario series had made from two to three dimensions, publishers adhered themselves swiftly to the bandwagon with something approaching gay abandon, using naught but the flimsiest of justifications as a tether.

Fact is, the technology was still finding its feet. Whereas 2D gaming had been perfected in the decades preceding this graceless transition, many great game franchises were almost ruined by rushing headlong into the gaping jaws of 3D (not to be confused with the gaping jaws of Jaws 3D: a bad film).

Too little thought was given as to how they should best translate 2D gaming mechanics into three-dimensional environments. Few developers employed the sort of careful consideration Nintendo had clearly lavished on Mario. Regrettably, it was a time of great darkness, and few of these games have weathered the "annals" (ha ha) of time.

Here are but ten of them. Ha ha: "but-ten" (bottom).
TOEJAM & EARL 3: MISSION TO EARTH
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The first Toejam & Earl was a weird, cartoonish, collect 'em up thing, wherein the titular alien DJ dudes wandered randomly-generated maps, avoiding outlandish characters. It's horribly slow by contemporary standards, but remains fondly remembered.

Their silly behaviour continued for the inevitable sequel, except the action had switched to being a more traditional side-on platform game. It was decent enough, but it cast a much shorter shadow. Consequence: it was almost ten years before the characters resurfaced on the Xbox - by which time Sega had almost drowned in a bath of its own hubris, after dragging with them a three-bar fire marked "inexorable event".

Although it played similarly to the original game, the characters had of course gone all 3D, losing much of their charm in the process. Indeed, they were even given voices - revealing them as lecherous alien pigs, who said of the cheerleaders they encountered: "Show me what you're working with" and "look at the size of those pom-poms".

Why, I'm appalled! My inner salad is rolling in its grave, and by "grave" I mean "lower intestine" (yes: I've got the runs).
EARTHWORM JIM 3D
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Arguably, the first two Earthworm Jim games set a new benchmark for 2D platformers. Their cartoon-quality visuals and anarchic subversion of platformer tropes set new standards in something or other.

What a crushing shame then that the developers of the second sequel in the series - released on the N64 and PC - failed to appreciate any of that.

Without the involvement of the original team at Shiny, development was given over to the unproven VIS Entertainment, who clearly lacked the wit and skill to make a game worthy of the franchise. Series creators Dave "Not That One" Perry and Doug "Yes, This Really Is His Name" TenNapel were hired as consultants early during the game's protracted development. However, having sold their rights to the character, they were eventually booted out the door after expressing their horror at how it was progressing.

The end result was a horrible 3D mess with a horrible camera, and none of the unbridled embracing of video game potential.

Let us pause to reflect on this: Earthworm Jim had been co-created by a man called "Mr Ten-Nipples".
BUBSY 3D
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Bubsy the Bobcat is the worst, most wretched, platform games character ever created bar none. Nobody in their right mind would've wanted a fourth game in the series (two on the Super NES/Mega Drive, and one on the Atari Jaguar, because there is such a thing as adding insult to injury).

And yet, somehow, the franchise was considered enough of a success that this is precisely what happened. Making the by-now-predictable transition into 3D, Bubsy's already wafer-thin reputation was rent completely asunder by the resulting travesty.

Slow, unresponsive, and once again sacrificing charm for cat-related puns, Bubsy 3D should've been the end of it... were it not for last year's The Woolies Strike Back. If nothing else, that soggy hairball of a game at least succeeded in maintaining Bubsy's atrocious reputation.
FINAL FIGHT: STREETWISE
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A hugely influential scrolling beat 'em up, Final Final fight was an arcade hit in 1989, and a well-regarded Super NES launch title. There had been other console sequels and a "super-deformed" spin-off - Mighty Final Fight - but it wasn't until 2006 that the series made its own shuffling waltz into 3D, on the PlayStation 2 and Xbox. 

Lacking the bold visuals of it 2D predecessor, it was an ugly wretch in three-dimensions, and the classic gameplay became more trial-and-error button-mashing than any exercise of skill.

The storyline - such as it was - also chose to portray previous antagonist Cody as an addict, hooked on a new street drug that gave him superhuman powers. You know: like the magic mushrooms which Super Mario is beholden to.

Much of this baffling narrative played out via cutscenes that were as uniformly terrible as the game they were spliced with.
3D LEMMINGS
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Lemmings, flemmings... bemmings...?

The genius of Lemmings was its simplicity; a game in which you steered a tribe of suicidal lemmings towards safe passage. This was done through adapting their environment by assigning tasks to the lemmings to build ramps, holes and "struts" - thus starting a proverbial "lemming party".

That's also what you were required to do in 3D Lemmings, except with the added complication that you couldn't always work out what the hell was going on due to now having to track the progress of the Lemmings by rotating the 3D levels. 

Would this be a good time to ask why the lemmings in Lemmings don't look anything like actual lemmings? Why do they look like a cross between a Smurf, The Joker and Demis Roussos?

​Ha ha: "Demis"...
MORTAL KOMBAT 4
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Let's face it; the main thing Mortal Kombat had going for it is that idiots thought it was edgy and dangerous, because you got to split your opponents in half, or rip out their duodenums. Frankly, in 1997 the series was not ready to make the leap to polygons, and its famous Fatalities - the video game equivalent of a school child drawing a swastika-branded peeenis on a history textbook - suffered as a result. 

MK4 was actually relatively well-received at the time, given that most games journos of the era still hadn't gotten over the novelty of seeing their favourite games make the move to 3D. Alas, while it clips along at a decent lick - even in the console ports - there's no disguising its age, or that it looks worse than the games which came before it.

Chunky polygon blood spurts might be a good name for a wacky alternative band, but they're not something any game has ever benefitted from.
PRINCE OF PERSIA 3D
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Yeah, yeah. Everybody loved Prince of Persia, because it had those silky rotoscoped character animations. It was a nightmare to play though, wasn't it? Utterly unforgiving to the player, and nowhere near as good as its reputation would have us believe.

Still, it has fared a lot better than the justly forgotten Prince of Persia 3D, with its horrible character models, Tomb Raider-lite gameplay, and troublesome camera angles. By the time this came out Lara Croft was already three years old, and PoP 3D already looked more dated than... oh, I dunno... a Deglet Nour farm (look it up).
WORMS 3D
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Essentially Lemmings-With-Weapons, Worms was far better than that lazy description would have you believe. However, like Lemmings, Worms was addictive precisely because it was a 2D game. You could see your opponents at all times, and get a good overview of the landscape, while you planned your next move.

Making essentially the same game 3D unfortunately lost this element entirely, and though the 3D worms were characterful enough, it lacked the addictive qualities which has seen the series endure - in 2D, lest we forget - to this very day.

Interestingly, "worms 3D" is also the name of a chronic parasitic infestation of the lower intestine, closely associated with "diarrhoea 360", or "brownaround".
CASTLEVANIA 64
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I'm saying it now: the Nintendo 64 is my least favourite Nintendo console ever. Yes: I like it even less than the Wii U, and that's a right old ropey satchel of cat sick.

While the N64 may have played host to many great games, far too many others suffered from 3D-itis. The graphics on so many N64 titles were muddy, fuzzy and brown - like my thighs - and too few developers really got to grips with the theoretically clever N64 controller. 

The original Castlevania games are so well regarded that they even lent their name to an entire genre - albeit sharing the spotlight with Metroid. Regardless, it's fair to suggest that few gamers are thinking of Castlevania 64 when they talk about "Metroidvania" games. 

Again, like certain others on this list, Castlevania 64 wasn't completely slated upon release, but even looking at the more positive reviews it received, it's hard not to detect a hint of disappointment. Has there ever been a more damning epithet for a game than this from IGN: "Outstanding sound effects with lots of bass"?

LOTS of bass you say? Well, sign me up, daddy!
3D TETRIS
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And so we come to Nintendo's grandest folly: the Virtual Boy. That's a sorry tale we can dig into another time, but for now let us reflect instead upon the sheer lunacy of thinking you could successfully convert Tetris - as streamlined and compelling a 2D game as there has ever been - into a 3D experience. 

It simultaneously highlighted everything that was wrong about the Virtual Boy while also failing to appreciate what made Tetris one of the all-time greatest video games ever conceived. If there's one thing you don't want in a game where the goal is to stack blocks on top of one another it's this: a perspective which almost continually obscures your view. 

The result was an unsightly, confounding, scarlet monstrosity, which really should have been twisted around its own torso and thumbed through the middle of a quoit. 

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24 Comments
Col. Asdasd
19/2/2018 09:19:59 am

There was definitely an attitude during the N64 era was that 2D games were dead and 3D was the future. I remember the writers on the official Nintendo rag scratching their heads trying to reviews Mischief Makers. It was a fantastic game from a pedigree studio, it was among the most mechanically unique and inventive games of its genre, but it was a 2D platformer and this was a 3D console, so... 70%?

That said, this was a period of genuine period of extremely rapid, trailblazing growth for the industry, and I think a lot of these games can be branded follies only with the benefit of hindsight, Imagine the being handed the challenge of being handed a concept like Lemmings or Castlevania - near-universally recognised and beloved - and being told to turn it into a 3D game. It's a much more exciting prospect than being given the same license and being asked 'can you turn this into a MOBA?'

It's easy to be cynical about the industry and its pathological need to chase the next big trend. But in this case the trend wasn't 'do something with zombies' or 'do a battle royale'. It might have been 3D for the sake of it, but the scope of what they were doing 'for the sake of it' was enormous, perhaps uniquely so in all the medium;s history.

Prior to the Saturn, Playstation and N64, we 'd had a decade of ever-more exhaustive strip-mining of the big 2D genres, as well as some interesting but primitive attempts at to break into the third dimension.Skip forward to 2007 and beyond, and most of the design problems in 3D would be considered 'solved' and we would be settling in for a similarly exhaustive decade of iteration, with most innovation coming not from the way games could be made, but monetised.

But 1995-2007 was a time of weird, shonky games, of finding our feet in 3D, and of familiar series being pushed and stretched in unusual, sometimes disastrous, but often thrilling ways. The places developers could try to go, the things they had a free hand to do, were probably unique in that moment, before publishers and investors had a more concrete idea of what to demand, of what mechanics and genres would be likely conventionally profitable. The horizon was uncertain, and the whole industry, from top to bottom, was working to shape it.

The pioneering spirit lives on in games today, but it's rarely as front-and-centre as it was back then, when all the pieces in the industry were thrown violently up in the air and the board itself gained an additional axis. For that reason the N64 will always be my favourite Nintendo console.

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Col. Asdasd
19/2/2018 09:22:27 am

Ugh. This definitely could have used a read-through before I clicked submit. The perils of giving a pre-coffee brain the keys to the keyboard.

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Col. Asdasd
19/2/2018 09:30:09 am

Also, Hogs of War was a much better 3D Worms than Worms 3D.

The most memorable thing about Worms 3D was an absolutely disgusting magazine advert they ran for it. It depicted a massive, fake, blood-and-poo smeared worm being pulled from a man's anus in an operating theatre. To this day I can't believe Future Publishing gave it the green light for their magazines ostensibly aimed at years 7 and up.

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Biscuits
19/2/2018 10:29:50 am

Having trouble tracking that down but I really want to see it, sounds horrifying

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Klone
19/2/2018 02:14:00 pm

Is this it?

https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5b794qRbd1qd4q8ao1_1280.jpg

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RichardM
19/2/2018 02:20:05 pm

That is grim.

Col. Asdasd
19/2/2018 05:19:12 pm

That's the devil. Christ alive, what were they thinking?

T-Turner?
19/2/2018 06:14:05 pm

I don't know about you guys, but I'm in the mood for some video games!

Mrtankthreat
19/2/2018 09:45:15 am

This is a mostly good article. Despite my letter on friday where I wished the real world could be viewed in 3rd person, I can agree the unnecessary 3difying of certain games was a horrible practice of the early days of 3d gaming. I can only imagine if Angry Birds had been released 20 years ago it would have gotten a horrible 3d version that would have sucked.

However. I have to take some exception. Yes Mortal Kombat 4 looked clunky but as you say it hasn't aged well. That's true of most 3d games of the time. For its time it looked ok and it actually played decent, probably better than any of the previous games which were style over substance and yes, fooled many people, myself included, with its over the top violence. Having said that in MK4 Quan Chi could rip someone's leg off and beat them to death with it which instantly elevates it to an all time classic.

Even more egregious however is the statement that the N64 is your least favourite Nintendo console. Yes there was a ton of pap on it compared to the Wii U but that's because so little was released for Wii U thanks to Nintendo falling out of favour with 3rd party publishers. If they hadn't there'd have been just as much dross. If you forget about volume ratio of games and just measure the classics from both consoles against each other the N64 would win hands down. It's even clearly better than the Gamecube.

Now obviously you're entitled to your subjective opinion no matter how wrong it is, but then you go and mention the Virtual Boy. Is that not a console? Surely that should be your least favourite? And 3d tetris is possible as Tetrisphere (on N64 I should note) proved. It was excellent, as was the tetris inspired Wetrix.

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Mr Biffo
19/2/2018 10:13:19 am

Well, that's me told.

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DD
19/2/2018 11:17:52 am

Reminds me of that brain fart you had last year Biffo when you said Mario 64 was overrated or something. 😂

Mrtankthreat
19/2/2018 11:29:07 am

I may be worrying over nothing but having just read over my post I think I have to work on tone when I'm writing. I like ranty comedy that gets upset over banal things for comedic effect and I had a massive smile on my face while writing that but reading it again it just comes off as angry.

Rest assured that anger isn't real. I had thought the sentence "Now obviously you're entitled to your subjective opinion no matter how wrong it is" was more obviously tongue in cheek but maybe it wasn't.

Anyway, for future reference my rants are not to be taken too seriously and I'll work on tone.

The important thing to take away from it all though is that Tetrisphere is great.

Bingo Rose
19/2/2018 12:25:35 pm

"Having said that in MK4 Quan Chi could rip someone's leg off and beat them to death with it which instantly elevates it to an all time classic."

I wholeheartedly concur.

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MrPSB
19/2/2018 01:12:06 pm

Fannies.

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Bob
19/2/2018 11:15:58 am

It's worth noting that Doug TenNipples is quite a terrible human being with a real issue with homosexuality. Presumably because he has nightmares of 'the gays' clamouring to feed from his many teets.

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Earthworm Jim
19/2/2018 04:36:43 pm

Not grooooovy!

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That Guy
19/2/2018 12:20:43 pm

In the interests of pedantry, I would argue that it is not the original Castlevanias that make up the 'vania' of metroidvania but rather the Koji Igarashi-produced 'vanias, from Symphony of the Night on PS to the 6 GBA/DS games. The preceding 8 or so are pretty much linear platform games. I tried playing the N64 and one of the PS2 3D ones but they were horseshit.

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cosmicpangolin
19/2/2018 01:04:30 pm

I think Castelvania II Simon's Quest has some of the elements that went on to be included in the idea of a metroidvania. It just followed the 8bit habit of having unusual sequels to successful properties as with Zelda II and Metroid II, but arguably was more inscrutable than either of us, hence it is largely forgotten.

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Alejandro
19/2/2018 02:05:57 pm

...Escape from Monkey Island (i.e. Monkey Island 4)

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Chareth Cutestory
19/2/2018 03:33:08 pm

N64 has aged appallingly, most of its 'classics' are unplayable these days

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Matty link
19/2/2018 06:26:45 pm

Final Fight: Streetwise also seems to have suffered with a move from the cartoonish pale-blue denims of the original to a pair of horrible cargo-trousers as worn by people with no shame

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HotSopyBeard
19/2/2018 08:06:01 pm

I feel like developers all thought the transition to 3D was the equivalent of the transition from silent movies to talkies and that there would be no turning back. It seems that the difference between 2D and 3D is more like the difference between poetry and prose: two aspects of the same medium which function very differently in some ways and the same in others to achieve different results.

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Nikolay Yeriomin link
19/2/2018 09:18:19 pm

As soon as I've seen the announcement on Facebook I immediately thought that Worms 3D will probably make the list. And I came here to defend it as it is one of my favorite games. I percieve it, though, mainly as a standalone game and that's probably why I like it as much. I've played different Worms games a lot and I can say that I am a fan of franchise at a whole, but this one is just special for me and I don't expect it to be that special for anyone else. Although I know that I'm not the only one with a cult following for it. How else would you explain "Worms Forts" (which was okay, as well)?

It is, of course, an entirely different type of gameplay but it happens to be more addicting for me then original Worms, for some reason. I'd say it is a weird game for weird people. That said, when this game fails it does so big time. My main problem with it are parachutes. Missions that are based on that hellish device are as hard as riding a bus with a severe headache. Or driving one in the same condition.

As for the other entries - I can thoroughly agree with most of the points. Except (maybe) Mortal Combat, because X actually is somewhat enjoyable. I've spent some time playing Mortal Kombat 4, but I've never enjoyed it as much as the previous entries. It was sad and, for some reason, ran in a very small Windows window.

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colincidence link
20/2/2018 02:05:02 pm

*previous protagonist Cody

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