Batman here. Sorry if I appear to be in a bit of a mood, but I'm getting a little weary of Robin filming everything for his YouTube channel. Last night he woke me up at 4am by sneaking into my batroom (not to be confused with my bathroom), hammering a badminton racquet on a saucepan, and throwing a handful of glass marbles at my head.
It wouldn't be so bad, but Jackass did this sort of thing years ago, and at least they did it with a modicum of wit. Still, he's growing up, I suppose. I should enjoy it while it lasts! Here's another one of those lists of terrible video game cover artwork.
It wouldn't be so bad, but Jackass did this sort of thing years ago, and at least they did it with a modicum of wit. Still, he's growing up, I suppose. I should enjoy it while it lasts! Here's another one of those lists of terrible video game cover artwork.
10. INTELLIVISION CHECKERS
It's that old guy, really. Reclining with his hands behind his head, like he's enjoying that boy's checkers move just a little too much... "That's it, Billy - you slap that checker piece down. Keep slapping, Billy. Ha ha. Them's some gooood moves... I taught you well. Now remember - don't tell anybody about these little games of ours, because you'll get into real big trouble..."
9. PET PALS
Pet Pals, aka The Waiting Room of the Dead-Eyed Nitrazepam addicts. If Yellow Dress isn't careful, her weirdly fluorescent tortoise is going to slip off her lap, and break. And then there's the doctor, standing in the doorway as if to say in his creepy, sibilant voice: "Yes... yessss... it's all falling into place...".
Also, good to see that Zac Efron's creepy, soulless avatar is a rabbit lover.
Also, good to see that Zac Efron's creepy, soulless avatar is a rabbit lover.
8. FREESTYLE METAL X
Take away the empty eye socket, and series of Russian doll-like miniatures erupting from it, and you'd just have some terrible and unappealing artwork. Instead, this is elevated to the status of being virtually impossible to look at - like peering into a kaleidoscope that's had needles inlaid around its peering scope.
7. JERRY RICE & NITUS' DOG FOOTBALL
Yes, this game actually existed - like some deleted scene from Pudsey The Dog: The Movie (we went there before you did). We could Google Jerry Rich and Nitus. We choose not to, for we fear it would sully the beauty of this piece. Also, look at the inset photograph in the top-left. Do you think Nitus is sitting like that because Jerry Rice has a piece of dog biscuit in his ear? Or maybe... the dog is Jerry Rice, and the man is Nitus?
6. WILLOW
A GCSE Art project of a cover. Clearly someone worked very hard on this. Clearly that someone was the producer's "nephew".
5. JULIE FINDS A WAY
Julie Finds a Way... to release the trapdoor lever, and send her step-mother plummeting to her death. "Hahahahaaaaa! Die, you bitch! You're not my real mother! My real mother is in upstate Winnepeg, and she's gonna come back for me one day!"
4. JET-BOOT JACK
Included in this list, because it looks like it belongs on the side of a suburban community centre - murals being the most ghastly of all art mediums. Rarely has any environment been improved by letting the working classes loose with paint.
3. BIONIC GRANNY
Alright, it was part of Mastertronic's budget range, but still... just look at it. In its favour, it did a good job of summarising the game - players assumed the role of them titular cybernetic grandmother, who hung around outside schools with the express intention of murdering schoolchildren. They don't make 'em like they used to.
2. STREET SPORTS BASEBALL
There are subtle homoerotic undertones to be sure, but it's all about the juxtaposition of the orgasmic, crop-topped batter, with the grin from the guy at the back. He's crouched there as if to say "Pssst! Don't tell him - but the ball was in my mitt all the time...". The urban prankster!
1. ANTICIPATION
Why are they all doing their own thing? Her in the middle is waving, him to her left is smouldering into the camera, those two at top are being a pair of goofs, the two at the bottom appear to be on a Destiny raid, and the woman bottom right has just followed through.
Rather than Nintendo's first video board game, this looks like a poster advertising the most horrible sitcom of all time. "You know what would make Friends better? If there were two more friends, and all of them were smug, blow-dried narcissists".
Rather than Nintendo's first video board game, this looks like a poster advertising the most horrible sitcom of all time. "You know what would make Friends better? If there were two more friends, and all of them were smug, blow-dried narcissists".
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