We've all known that bloke haven't we - the one who knew someone who knew someone who can get dodgy DVDs?
When Mr Biffo was a youth, his local dodgy video man used to drive down his street in a special little van. He was like Santa Claus, if Santa Claus was suave, and a criminal. Once, Mr Biffo saw the dodgy video man delivering bread for Warburtons - evidently his day job - and the magic was dispelled.
Alas, the bootleg DVD market must surely be in freefall now, with the advent of illegal downloading. And that's a real big shame, because no bootleg DVDs means no bootleg DVD artwork, of the sort we highlight for you here... in this lissssst.
When Mr Biffo was a youth, his local dodgy video man used to drive down his street in a special little van. He was like Santa Claus, if Santa Claus was suave, and a criminal. Once, Mr Biffo saw the dodgy video man delivering bread for Warburtons - evidently his day job - and the magic was dispelled.
Alas, the bootleg DVD market must surely be in freefall now, with the advent of illegal downloading. And that's a real big shame, because no bootleg DVDs means no bootleg DVD artwork, of the sort we highlight for you here... in this lissssst.
10. PEPE LOVES TACOS
Xenu only knows what this movie is meant to be. But look: Tom Cruise is doing that face he does when he's trying to be intense... INTENSELY UNLIKEABLE THAT IS!!!!!! LOLMAOROFLFML.
9. SEAN CONNERY VS THE COCK
Given Sean Connery's advanced years we wouldn't be surprised if he's long been fighting a losing battle with The Cock for some time now. Do you see?
8. FERRIS BUELLER DAY OFF
Like a couple of these DVDs, it actually took us a moment to work out what was amiss in this artwork. Still, good of them to feature Broderick on the actual cover of his movie... but that doesn't make it any less inexplicable how this error might've been made. What is the process behind this?! How does this happen?!!!
7. THE CROW
This is another one that, initially, we couldn't see anything wrong with. Go check out the original artwork for The Crow if you don't understand why we might've made that mistake. Go on. Do it... Oh fine. We'll do all the work, and stick it below then... but we're going to make it really small, so you have to squint. Ha ha. Sucked in.
6. THE LOIN KING II - SIMBA'S PRIDE
"Not as good as the first one, but ok". Which is spot on. Frankly, we'd like to see a movie called The Loin King vs The Cock. Actually... no... somebody's probably done that. And - just for the record - we wouldn't actually like to see that movie.
5. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
They seem very keen on informing us that Jesus speaks Nigeria languages, when just stating it once would've probably done the trick. Still, we suppose Him speaking Nigeria languages is the thing that most people take away from the story of The Crucifixion, rather than - y'know - the whole being nailed to some planks stuff and coming back to life and stuff. "Bugger me! Now He's speaking Nigeria languages!"
4. THE INCREDIBLE KING HULK
It's remarkable how seamlessly King Kong blends into that image - suggesting that a Marvel/giant ape movie wouldn't be such a bad proposition. The Hulk is basically King Kong anyway, albeit hairless and green, and different.
3. BREAK SO BAD
"Who me? Deal meth? C'mon, you guys!"
2. RED TAILS
How do you sex up a movie about black WW2 airmen? Like this - with a patriotic and grateful bikini lady.
1. HARRY POTTER II
Just read the description... and then go and have a little lie down. You'll need it.
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