Nowadays, the only really bizarre games are intentionally so. The indie sector produces stuff with names like Super Meat Boy, and Shower With Your Dad Simulator, but there's a knowingness to them.
Most modern commercially released full-priced titles are all anodyne and glossy - they will have little truck with anything that isn't polished, focus-tested, and designed to appeal to as broad an audience as possible.
It wasn't always thus. Back in the 8-bit era, when games were cheaper to produce, all manner of oddness slipped through the crannies. Having spent the last week strapped to an NES emulator, we can testify to this. Here we present ten of our favourite NES oddities.
Most modern commercially released full-priced titles are all anodyne and glossy - they will have little truck with anything that isn't polished, focus-tested, and designed to appeal to as broad an audience as possible.
It wasn't always thus. Back in the 8-bit era, when games were cheaper to produce, all manner of oddness slipped through the crannies. Having spent the last week strapped to an NES emulator, we can testify to this. Here we present ten of our favourite NES oddities.
10. BIRD WEEK
In which you play a mother bird, and must flap around catching butterflies to feed to your offspring. Dally too long, and the babies die - in one of the most gut-wrenching animations ever seen in a video game. Imagine Flappy Bird, but with additional heartbreak. Also, let's not forget it's called "Bird Week", which is excellent.
9. WALL STREET KID
Because if there was one thing the NES's target demographic was likely to enjoy, it was a stock market trading simulation...
8. BIG NOSE FREAKS OUT
To be honest, there isn't much about this also-ran Codemasters platformer that marks it out, beyond the name. It's actually a sequel - to a game called Big Nose the Caveman. We just like imagining a universe where Big Nose took his place in the pantheon of gaming icons. "Presenting the greats -Pac-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario, Lara Croft, Master Chief, Big Nose...".
7. PRINCESS TOMATO IN SALAD KINGDOM
The name describes this peculiar adventure game better than we could. Notably, it features in incident wherein the player is accused by an anthropomorphised orange of being a "pervert", after inadvertently walking in on her showering. It's also one of those old games where you can, for no good reason, hit anyone you meet, with little in the way of consequences.
6. JOVIAL RACE
Again, we only included this because we like the name. It's a basic, and unappealing, driving game - sort of Pac-Man, but with cars. To be honest, there's not much about it that's jovial.
5. BIBLE BUFFET
We're in the realm of the truly bizarre here. Bible Buffet is a food-themed board game - sort of an early version of Mario Party... if Mario Party also included Christian-themed trivia.
Landing on certain squares unlocks a food-themed mini game (depending on which land you're in, these games might be potato-themed, barbecue-themed, or pizza themed). What really jars, though, is that certain squares confront you with Bible-based true or false questions.. Rather than include the questions in the body of the game, players had to refer to an accompanying booklet (as you might assume, this rendered our playing of it initially bewildering).
The back cover blurb explains it best: "Bible Buffet combines the best features of a board game with the fast action of a video arcade. Spin the spinner to see where you'll land. Visit exciting places like Pizza Land, Bread Land, and Fruit Land. Win the game by gathering the most food for the food bank, finishing the map first, or answering the most Bible questions correctly. Every trip through Bible Buffet is a unique adventure, giving the whole family hours of food frolicking fun!".
Landing on certain squares unlocks a food-themed mini game (depending on which land you're in, these games might be potato-themed, barbecue-themed, or pizza themed). What really jars, though, is that certain squares confront you with Bible-based true or false questions.. Rather than include the questions in the body of the game, players had to refer to an accompanying booklet (as you might assume, this rendered our playing of it initially bewildering).
The back cover blurb explains it best: "Bible Buffet combines the best features of a board game with the fast action of a video arcade. Spin the spinner to see where you'll land. Visit exciting places like Pizza Land, Bread Land, and Fruit Land. Win the game by gathering the most food for the food bank, finishing the map first, or answering the most Bible questions correctly. Every trip through Bible Buffet is a unique adventure, giving the whole family hours of food frolicking fun!".
4. KING OF KINGS: THE EARLY YEARS
Coming from the same people as Bible Buffet, King of Kings: The Early Years is the second in a series of Bible-themed platform games. Whereas the first game dealt with the Old Testament (sample quote: "Well done, but you left Moses behind!"), King of Kings dealt with Jesus Himself.
Unfortunately, you didn't get to control the Lovely Lamb. Instead, the levels were themed around the Three Magi, the camel who ferried Joseph, Mary and Jesus to Bethlehem, and - eventually - Joseph himself, trying to track down his non-biological son in a temple.
Unfortunately, you didn't get to control the Lovely Lamb. Instead, the levels were themed around the Three Magi, the camel who ferried Joseph, Mary and Jesus to Bethlehem, and - eventually - Joseph himself, trying to track down his non-biological son in a temple.
3. BABY BOOMER
A light gun take on Baby's Day Out - the player had to shoot obstacles and dangers - spiders, skeletons, dynamite - out of the crawling baby's route. A route that takes him through a graveyard, Heaven, and - ultimately - Hell. We didn't really understand why.
2.HATRIS
Yes... yes we see. It's like Tetris... but with hats.
1. GORBY'S PIPELINE PLAN
Another Tetris-inspired title, with Pipe Dream overtones... and the added oddness of theming the game around Mikhail Gorbachev, who's overseeing the building of a pipeline from Moscow to Tokyo.
Weirdly, developer Tokuma Shoten had official permission from the Soviet embassy to use the likeness of the then president of the Soviet Union. We don't know if they were trying to top the Soviet overtones in Tetris, but... they certainly succeeded, even affectionately shortening Gorbachev's name into the bargain. If this was made now it'd be called Pu-Pu's Ukrainian Gas Pipeline Switch-Off Plan.
Ah... things we so much nicer back then, weren't they?
Weirdly, developer Tokuma Shoten had official permission from the Soviet embassy to use the likeness of the then president of the Soviet Union. We don't know if they were trying to top the Soviet overtones in Tetris, but... they certainly succeeded, even affectionately shortening Gorbachev's name into the bargain. If this was made now it'd be called Pu-Pu's Ukrainian Gas Pipeline Switch-Off Plan.
Ah... things we so much nicer back then, weren't they?
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