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10 BIZARRE LICENSED VIDEO GAMES

28/5/2015

11 Comments

 
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Of course, slapping a known brand onto something is likely to result in at least a few additional sales, because being a big fan of something is a essentially a form of mental illness, and being mentally ill makes you do real stupid things.

Sometimes licensing can inspire the makers of games. Other times - Cool Spot, MC Kids, Darkened Skye (a Skittles-based RPG) - the license is so weak and unsuitable as to profoundly confuse those tasked with making a game based upon it. Here are ten bizarre and obscure licensed video games along those lines what we have just mentioned.

10. SNEAK KING
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Burger King isn't the only burger chain to get a video game adaptation - both Wimpy and McDonald's can boast their own - but it holds the honour of birthing the most bizarre. The Xbox 360's Sneak King stars the BK himself - a terrifying, swollen-headed monarch, with a blank, rictus grin, and a habit of lurking around suburban environments, doling out burgers to whomever he deigns worthy.

Unfortunatlely, a consequence of being creepy and terrifying is that you tend to put people off their food. This means that BK couldn't just walk up to hungry people - identified by above-head burger icons; he had to hide in bushes or bins, or sneak up behind them...

Never before had the act of stalking been so precisely utilised to flog fast food to masses. It was basically the video game version of this:
9. HOOTERS ROAD TRIP
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The Benny Hill of restaurant franchises, Hooters isn't the most obvious choice for a game. Basically a terrible, terrible pan-America driving game broken up by video of buxom Hooters waitresses, rewarding you with a wink (we said wink) for making it successfully to your next waypoint.

Fact: the only Hooters in the UK is in Nottingham, proving that not all of the UK made a successful transition into the 21st Century.
8. JOURNEY
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Journey was a 1983 arcade game that - as you can see - featured realistic digital recreations of the "I Don't Stop Believe It" prog-pop-rockers. The inexplicable aim of the game was to travel to different planets to reunite the band members with their instruments, which had been scattered across the universe due to some reasons.

Do this successfully, and you would be treated to a "performance" from the band, while controlling a bouncer whose job it was to keep fans from executing a potentially lethal stage invasion. Intriguingly, the arcade cabinet played the Billboard Top 100-topper "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" on a constant loop, via a concealed cassette tape player.
7. FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD
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Frankie Goes to Hollywood were one of the most heavily-branded music acts of all time, so it's no massive surprise that they got their own video game. 

What did perhaps surprise fans of the band was this weird mix of mini games, murder mystery puzzle solving, and collect 'em up. Players were required to fill four attribute bars - sex, love, war and faith - in order to gain access to the Pleasuredome. Notable for being one of possibly only two ZX Spectrum games to feature some sperms.
6. SOCKS THE CAT ROCKS THE HILL
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Not officially licensed admittedly, but probably the only video game in history to be based upon a real-life presidential pet/PR device, specifically Bill Clinton's 'Socks'. At least, it would've been had it ever gotten a release - publisher Kaneko went bust, leaving the game high and dry. Feel free to speculate as to why the Illuminati would've done this.
5. THE DALLAS QUEST
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Not as weird a license as you might think - The Dallas Quest worked well, in theory, as a graphic adventure. The player was a detective, summoned to the South Fork Ranch by Sue Ellen, and swiftly gets embroiled in a mystery surrounding a map that reveals the location of a potentially lucrative oil field. The story was penned by a couple of the legendary soap opera's actual writers, so it was authentic... so authentic that it featured a giant rat that lived in the South Fork Ranch's barn.

The story later took an even more bizarre detour to South America, where the player encountered talking parrots, and adopted a whimsical cartoon monkey sidekick with a taste for chewing tobacco.
4. NEIGHBOURS
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Falling somewhere between homage and pastiche, this early-90s soap tie-in eschewed the show's story lines in favour of an isometric racing game. 

Players could "be" their favourite Neighbours characters (including Scott - making this the only game ever to feature a playable Jason Donovan), and speed around Ramsey Street avoiding obstacles such as cars, Bouncer the Dog, Mrs Mangle, and kangaroos (which, as any Neighbours fan and/or Australian can attest, are a regular hazard in most suburban neighbourhoods). 
3. DIRTY DANCING
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Released to coincide with the 20th anniversary of the movie, Dirty Dancing was a wrong-headed collection of mini games, character dress-ups, kitting out your apartment with furniture in a sort of Sims-lite style, and putting babies in the corner. We can't imagine there were a great many PC-owning Dirty Dancing fans who, two decades on, craved such a thing. Nevertheless.... Swayze!
2. EASTENDERS
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Another soap-based effort, this abysmal ZX Spectrum debacle chose not to go the route of tackling the show's depressing melodrama. Instead you played a wandering Cockney gentlemen who would roam Albert Square helping the residents with their laundry, allotment responsibilities, the running of their giant fruit and veg stalls (apparently), and alcoholism - by pouring pints in the Queen Vic.
1. AMERICA'S ARMY
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Being the world's greatest topical satirists, we couldn't help but notice that the acronym for this first-person shooter - officially licensed from the US Armed Forces, and intended as some sort of patriotic recruiting tool - is "AA".

Which is hugely ironic, given that "AA" is where many of America's Army end up, following their participation in the country's countless wars of dubious morality and legality. Ooh, take that sick burn, Military-Industrial Complex.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • 10 MOST HORRIFYING VIDEO GAME COSPLAYERS
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  • THE FIVE AGES OF GAMING


11 Comments
James
27/5/2015 01:54:36 pm

It's taken TWENTY YEARS for someone to tell me a Neighbours game existed! I'll never get those back!

Reply
Adam
27/5/2015 06:37:59 pm

Seeing that Eastenders game makes me wonder if Frank Butcher will ever show up on Digi 2000. I miss him from the teletext days...

Reply
The School Boy
28/5/2015 02:38:28 am

I played both Frankie and Neighbours in my vague youth, and I didn't understand either of them.

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Frank Chickens
28/5/2015 04:14:48 am

Ah Macsen, the doyen of licensed crap in the 80s whose business model was to spend loads on the licence and 3p on the programming. See Auf Weidersehen Pet for another example of this or rather don't - it's atrocious.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood was impossible to complete on the Spectrum due to a bug which is a shame as it's a rather fine game.

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Frank Chickens
28/5/2015 04:24:16 am

Oops, Auf Weidersehen Pet was by Tynesoft rather than Macsen.

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B
28/5/2015 04:24:59 am

Frankie Goes to Hollywood (C64) is one of my favourite games of all time. It baffled me as a child and I'm still confused at why I played it so much.

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Chris link
28/5/2015 05:40:34 am

Pushover was a decent licensed video game. Apparently it was written before the Quavers tie-in deal was done, which might account for (a) being good and (b) having no relevance to curly cheese-flavoured corn snacks.

There was a Skips licensed game called Action Biker I had on the Spectrum (IIRC you had to send off with some tokens from the packet to get hold of it, but I might be making that up). I never got to play it as it didn't work on the +3, which was probably a good thing as it was reportedly terrible. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_Biker#ZX_Spectrum_version

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D
8/6/2015 04:57:22 am

totally forgot about Pushover, cracking game. Same can't be said of 7-Up Cool Spot on the game boy sadly.

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Des
31/5/2015 02:28:30 am

Clumsy Colin while responsible for the aforementioned action biker, which like everything radiated brilliance (being born of the 80's n'all). atleast according to c64 owners:/

Also had his moniker slapped on the face of the Sweetcorn relish skips, god dam best'est crisp flavour ever!!!

Of course the short answer, super gran.... didn't want to be reminded of that did ya...

Reply
Hamptonoid
1/6/2015 02:49:50 pm

Sweetcorn relish! The shergar of crisp flavours. I remember saving the tokens to get a clumsy col pull back toy bike, in my previous c64 days. Played it years later, remember it being half decent. Although gin may have clouded my memory somewhat.

Reply
Bingo Rose
16/7/2015 04:29:02 pm

The noun is spelt "licence".

True story, bro.

Reply



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