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10 AMAZING THINGS WE KNOW ABOUT NOLAN NORTH

9/10/2015

5 Comments

 
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Nolan North! He's the voice of Nathan Drake (The Uncharted Collection is out today for PS4), and replaced Peter Dinklage as the voice of the Floating Robot in Destiny, He's had roles in the Assassin's Creed and Batman: Arkham series, and... ohhh... more games than you could shake a "North Pole" at.

But what else do we actually know about the actor described by The Guardian as "the nearest thing the games industry has to a bona fide leading man"? As it transpires - virtually nothing. Or should that be... "North-ing"??!!!

10. HIS FIRST NAME IS NOLAN
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This is the main fact we know about Nolan North - beyond facts such as "He is a man" and "He is currently alive, to the best of our knowledge". We think Nolan is an Irish name, but we're not completely sure, and can't really be bothered to check. He might be one of those Americans who tells everyone he's Irish, because his great-great grandparents were born in Ireland. What's that all about, Nolan? That's like telling everyone you're a ghost, because all your ancestors are dead.
9. HIS SECOND NAME IS NORTH
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Nolan North's surname is North - which is slightly more common than Nolan. However, the alliteration in North's name is making us suspect it might not be his real name. We have no evidence to back that up admittedly. It's just a hunch. He might well have been Christened Nolan North. Equally, he might even not be Christened. He could even be Jewish or something, and could've been Jewishened something like Samuel Northstein. We honestly don't know.
8. NOLAN NORTH IS A PROFESSIONAL VOICE ACTOR
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Well, that's a given. We've no idea if he's ever appeared on screen in movies, or TV shows. He probably started out at least wanting to be a proper actor. We guess it's a good thing that he's found his niche, and we've never heard anything about him being embarrassed by his job. But then, we don't recall ever hearing anything much about Nolan North - the man behind the voices. 
7. HE'S AMERICAN
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Or he might be Canadian (frankly, who can tell the difference?). Actually - scratch that one. We don't know for definite either way, so it shouldn't really be on this list. He could be English for all we know, and really good at doing that voice he does in everything.
6. WE BET HE DYES HIS HAIR
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Admittedly, this is merely speculation. But c'mon - he must be mid-40s. Nobody has nutmeg-brown hair at that age. Let it go gracefully, Nolan. We get that Hollywood is disgracefully ageist, but it works for Clooney, and you do most of your stuff behind a microphone anyway. Nobody's going to judge you for being a silver fox. Come on, Nolan - strike a blow for us middle-aged men! Enough with your passive body-shaming!
5. THAT'S IT
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We've pretty much run out of things that we know about Nolan North - or, at least, things we think we might be able to take an educated guess about. Oh well.
4. WE THOUGHT WE COULD GET AT LEAST TEN THINGS OUT OF THIS LIST 
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Turns out that Nolan North is the definitive blank slate. He's an enigma - but that air of mystique is precisely what makes him such a fascinating figure, if that's even what he is.
3. WE'VE JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER ONE
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Ooh - yeah. We just thought... he gets a lot of work, so we reckon he's a consummate professional. Frankly, they could get anyone to do the voices for their games, but the fact that Nolan keeps getting jobs suggests he's fairly easy to work with. It's highly unlikely he ever loses his cool, punches a producer, or throws a cup coffee at the sound booth window, while swearing and foaming at the mouth.
2. WE KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE HAIR
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Nolan clearly keeps in shape. He's got a nice smile. But if he is dyeing that hair he's going to start to regret it. Once you dye it you have to keep it up - but then you risk your face getting older and more crumpled, while your hair stays that unnatural shade of chocolate brown. Then everyone is going to know for definite that you dyed it, and think you're some sort of narcissist. Or chronically insecure. What's better - people thinking you're the age you are, or massively vain? It's a question that Nolan North might want to ask himself.
1. ONE MORE!
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We just realised we know another fact about Nolan North: he doesn't look much like Nathan Drake. 
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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5 Comments
Old Red link
9/10/2015 12:06:50 pm

Nolan North eats brussel sprouts sloshed in cats milk for dinner every morning. It's one of them Hollywood diets or some such.

Reply
Barry Barry Barry Barry
9/10/2015 04:04:48 pm

He eats dinner in the MORNING? HE IS A MONSTER AND HE MUST BE STOPPED

Reply
Mr Biffo
9/10/2015 04:06:20 pm

#DownWithNolanNorth

Reply
Terrence McPringles
9/10/2015 08:20:32 pm

In honour of these facts, I have composed some topical video game comedy jokes:

(Q) What do you call a Viking who won't bring his laptop round to his friend's house to play multiple-player computer games?

(A) No-LAN Norse! (Nolan North)

(Q) What do you call a person who lives deep underground, only communicating with the outside world by tapping dots and dashes on the ceiling of his cavern?

(A) Moleman Morse! (Nolan North)

(Q) What do you call the animal that Kevin Costner rode in that other apocalyptic film he did that wasn't Waterworld?

(A) Postman Horse! (Nolan North)

Ha! Ho!

Reply
Euphemia
11/10/2015 03:46:53 pm

Man-Voice-Whore.

Reply



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