"Hello, everyone. I'm Feargal Sharkey. You probably remember me as the lead singer of The Undertones, and my 1985 solo hit, A Good Heart. I'm here today to... oh! Oh, fuck shit, guys! There's a fuckin' wasp in here!
"Typical. I always used to enjoy adventure games, and was hoping to lead you through this list of some of the greatest point-and-click adventures ever released.
"Unfortunately, it looks like now I'm going to have to spend the whole time dealing with this fuckin' wasp.
"...Stop telling me not to swear, mammy! There's a fuckin' wasp in here! God, I really hope it doesn't sting me on the fuckin' butthole!"
"Typical. I always used to enjoy adventure games, and was hoping to lead you through this list of some of the greatest point-and-click adventures ever released.
"Unfortunately, it looks like now I'm going to have to spend the whole time dealing with this fuckin' wasp.
"...Stop telling me not to swear, mammy! There's a fuckin' wasp in here! God, I really hope it doesn't sting me on the fuckin' butthole!"
THE SECRET OF MONKEY ISLAND
What set Ron Gilbert's The Secret of Monkey Island and its sequels apart is how funny they were. They had jokes - actual, proper, jokes - something that games had rarely attempted before with any great degree of success. It was also unusually knowing - a game that was aware of being a game - with fourth wall-breaking, and parodies of other games, and that.
Typically for LucasArts games, death was almost impossible in Monkey Island, with the focus on exploration, character interaction, puzzles, and the funnies. The aim seemed to be giving the player a real good time, keeping the interface stripped-back, rather than frustrating them with narrative dead-ends and obtuse puzzles.
Get this: it was inspired by Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride. Having gone on the ride as a child, Ron Gilbert always wished he could get off and explore the pirate world. In some sort of irony, when Disney bought LucasFilm, one of its first moves was to close down LucasArts.
Typically for LucasArts games, death was almost impossible in Monkey Island, with the focus on exploration, character interaction, puzzles, and the funnies. The aim seemed to be giving the player a real good time, keeping the interface stripped-back, rather than frustrating them with narrative dead-ends and obtuse puzzles.
Get this: it was inspired by Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride. Having gone on the ride as a child, Ron Gilbert always wished he could get off and explore the pirate world. In some sort of irony, when Disney bought LucasFilm, one of its first moves was to close down LucasArts.
BLADE RUNNER
Man, at the time this was hyped to "retirement" by Virgin Interactive, and the finished product almost lived up to that hype.
Rather than star Deckard, and follow the plot of the movie which inspired it, Blade Runner starred a character called Ray McCory and focused on a parallel plot that, well, more or less followed the plot of the movie which inspired it.
Nevertheless, the pre-rendered backdrops were gorgeous, you got to fanny around with that machine which analyses photographs, and use Voight-Kampf empathy tests on suspects. Its production values were off the chart, with several of the movie cast (NOT Harrison "Plane Crash" Ford) even reprising their roles; a rarity at the time.
Notably, this wasn't the first Blade Runner game; there was one released for 8-bit home computers, but due to being unable to acquire the movie rights, publisher CRL described it as "video game interpretation of the film score" by Vangelis.
Rather than star Deckard, and follow the plot of the movie which inspired it, Blade Runner starred a character called Ray McCory and focused on a parallel plot that, well, more or less followed the plot of the movie which inspired it.
Nevertheless, the pre-rendered backdrops were gorgeous, you got to fanny around with that machine which analyses photographs, and use Voight-Kampf empathy tests on suspects. Its production values were off the chart, with several of the movie cast (NOT Harrison "Plane Crash" Ford) even reprising their roles; a rarity at the time.
Notably, this wasn't the first Blade Runner game; there was one released for 8-bit home computers, but due to being unable to acquire the movie rights, publisher CRL described it as "video game interpretation of the film score" by Vangelis.
"Hi, guys. Feargal here again. I'm still dealing with that wasp, so just carry on without me for now. I'm going to try to open a window."
BROKEN SWORD: SHADOW OF THE TEMPLARS
Charles Cecil had form as a point-and-click adventure boy, having already had huge hits with Lure of the Temptress and Beneath A Steel Sky. Broken Sword: Shadow of the Templars stepped things up a notch, with a genuinely gripping plot, gorgeous hand-drawn visuals, a stunning soundtrack, and the novel idea of featuring two protagonists, who could share theories and hints.
The series returned in 2013 with a fifth instalment, having wrongly embarked - for 3 and 4 - into ill-advised 3D territory. Those were horrible.
The series returned in 2013 with a fifth instalment, having wrongly embarked - for 3 and 4 - into ill-advised 3D territory. Those were horrible.
TOONSTRUCK
As famous for how massively delayed it was as it was for featuring a live-action Christopher Lloyd transplanted into a cartoon world, Toonstruck is slightly better than its reputation suggests.
Nevertheless, the self-consciously wacky humour - apparent even in the early cut-scenes set in the "real" world - failed to undercut the over-the-top silliness of cartoons in the way Who Framed Roger Rabbit? managed.
Also, there was no getting away from the static nature of Lloyd's avatar, who spent most of the time staring into space, or failing to convincingly interact with his environment. No offence to the man, but judging from his dead-eyed performance in anything other than Back to the Future, this might've been the perfect role for him.
What's that? I'm having a pop at a global treasure? And? And!
Nevertheless, the self-consciously wacky humour - apparent even in the early cut-scenes set in the "real" world - failed to undercut the over-the-top silliness of cartoons in the way Who Framed Roger Rabbit? managed.
Also, there was no getting away from the static nature of Lloyd's avatar, who spent most of the time staring into space, or failing to convincingly interact with his environment. No offence to the man, but judging from his dead-eyed performance in anything other than Back to the Future, this might've been the perfect role for him.
What's that? I'm having a pop at a global treasure? And? And!
"Hi again. Sorry - thought I'd gotten rid of the wasp, but I guess I made a mistake. It's still in here. Well, they say (sing) that a good heart these days is hard to find - too bad that doesn't also apply to wasps! Those these days are easy to find. There's one in here with me right now, and I just hope it doesn't sting me on the fuckin' butthole!"
LOOM
Unlike many of LucasArts adventures, Loom was a more serious, and epic endeavour. Even if it did feature a main character called Bobby "Bobbin" Threadbare, and begins with a sequence in which somebody is turned into a "swan's egg".
It offered a unique gameplay conceit; players could learn to perform tunes on a magical "distaff" - which would cast spells. You know: a bit like in Nintendo's Ocarina of Time. Unusually for an adventure, there were three difficulty levels, which affected how accurate your tune-playing needed to be.
It offered a unique gameplay conceit; players could learn to perform tunes on a magical "distaff" - which would cast spells. You know: a bit like in Nintendo's Ocarina of Time. Unusually for an adventure, there were three difficulty levels, which affected how accurate your tune-playing needed to be.
"I'm swatting at it with a teal towel now."
DAY OF THE TENTACLE
The archetypical LucasArts adventure in many ways, Day of the Tentacle was a sequel to the groundbreaking Maniac Mansion (a game so iconic it even spawned a long-forgotten TV series, created by that dad from American Pie).
With a time-travelling plot that spanned three different time periods, each featuring a different protagonist, puzzles would often require a solution which necessitated all three characters working in conjunction. Nicely, the entirety of the original Maniac Mansion could be played within Day of the Tentacle, on an in-game Commodore 64.
With a time-travelling plot that spanned three different time periods, each featuring a different protagonist, puzzles would often require a solution which necessitated all three characters working in conjunction. Nicely, the entirety of the original Maniac Mansion could be played within Day of the Tentacle, on an in-game Commodore 64.
GRIM FANDANGO
A brilliant consolidation of everything Tim Schaffer had learned from working on his previous LucasArts adventures (including Full Throttle), Grim Fandango was nevertheless a commercial flop, and led to LucasArts' decision to stop developing traditional point-and-click adventure games.
With a setting and visual style inspired by Mexico's Day of the Dead festival - as later seen in Disney's Coco - Grim Fandango was a hard-boiled, and frequently funny, noir detective tale, which just happened to star a skeletal "travel agent".
Its bizarre, twisty-turny, plot was spread over a span of four years, which lead character Manny navigated via an almost invisible interface. Unlike most other adventures, the on-screen cues were all character-led; if there was an object Manny could interact with, his head would turn to look at it. Imagine how exhausting that'd be in real life.
With a setting and visual style inspired by Mexico's Day of the Dead festival - as later seen in Disney's Coco - Grim Fandango was a hard-boiled, and frequently funny, noir detective tale, which just happened to star a skeletal "travel agent".
Its bizarre, twisty-turny, plot was spread over a span of four years, which lead character Manny navigated via an almost invisible interface. Unlike most other adventures, the on-screen cues were all character-led; if there was an object Manny could interact with, his head would turn to look at it. Imagine how exhausting that'd be in real life.
"My mam keeps shouting at me, telling me that all I'm doing is making the wasp more agitated, and that if I keep going it's definitely going to sting me on the fuckin' butthole. This is such a shame. I really wanted to enjoy this list with you, but I've got my hands full here. Sorry, everyone."
THE LONGEST JOURNEY
One of the most recent entries on this list, The Longest Journey was set in a high-tech world, and starred an 18 year-old female protagonist who discovers she has the ability to travel to a magical alternate dimension.
It was apparently inspired, in part, by Joss "His Ex-Wife Doesn't Like Him" Whedon's Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and main character April displays the same sort of knowing "sass" Whedon employs for his female characters. You know: when he isn't trying to get off with the actors playing them, allegedly.
A sequel was released in 2006, with a crowd-funded second sequel being pumped out in 2014.
It was apparently inspired, in part, by Joss "His Ex-Wife Doesn't Like Him" Whedon's Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and main character April displays the same sort of knowing "sass" Whedon employs for his female characters. You know: when he isn't trying to get off with the actors playing them, allegedly.
A sequel was released in 2006, with a crowd-funded second sequel being pumped out in 2014.
"Okay. Phew! I got rid of it. I flicked the wasp out of the window and it flew away. My mam's not happy, though. She says that wasps are more scared of me than I am of them, and wouldn't let me squash it. She wouldn't be saying that if she'd been stung on the fuckin' butthole by one!
"Anyway. Let's just crack on, and enjoy the rest of this list together."
"Anyway. Let's just crack on, and enjoy the rest of this list together."
SPACE QUEST IV: ROGER WILCO AND THE TIME RIPPERS
The truth is, I loved all of Sierra On-Line's games a the time, but they haven't aged well - in all kinds of areas.
Certainly, Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers features some very of-its-time misogyny - see Wilco's encounter above with the Latex Babes of Estros - but had a completely unique concept.
To wit: Wilco could travel along his own timestream, entering future, as-yet-to-be-released games, as well as earlier instalments in the series (with the graphics reverting to a more primitive style, and encounting a group of aliens who mock him as "Mr Look-At-Me-I'm-In-VGA").
Certainly, Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers features some very of-its-time misogyny - see Wilco's encounter above with the Latex Babes of Estros - but had a completely unique concept.
To wit: Wilco could travel along his own timestream, entering future, as-yet-to-be-released games, as well as earlier instalments in the series (with the graphics reverting to a more primitive style, and encounting a group of aliens who mock him as "Mr Look-At-Me-I'm-In-VGA").
"Well, we're nearly at the end now, and though things didn't get off to a great start, I think this list has been pretty successful overall. Just one more game to go. I hope it's a good one!"
PHANTASMAGORIA: A PUZZLE OF FLESH
Created by the company's founder Roberta Williams - she of the twee King's Quest games - Phantasmagoria was the final adventure released by Sierra before it was sold to CUC International. Phantasmagoria bridged more traditional point-and-click adventures and interactive movies, using a purpose-built studio to film the live action sequences, and with a budget in the $4.5 million range.
The visceral horror nonsense boasted a censorship option, allowing the player to decide whether the screen should be blurred to remove violent or sexual content. Indeed, a rape sequence received widespread criticism, though given the level of the actors' performance, the soap-y music, and primitive graphics, is more absurd than it is disturbing. Nevertheless, there's a general tone of violence towards women which makes it a difficult experience in today's climate. Not least given Williams' prior output.
Still, the controversy surrounding the adult nature of the content doubtless helped it to become a commercial success, and it became Sierra's biggest-selling game up until that point (we tend to forget that Half-Life was later released under the Sierra banner).
Alas, it was a short-lived victory. Shortly after the company's sale, CUC was bought by Cedant International - and was implicated in a massive accounting scandal, with two of CUC's top executives going to prison for fraud. Sierra was eventually sold on to Havas Interactive, and the brand still exists to this day - now owned by Activision, which released a new King's Quest in 2015.
The visceral horror nonsense boasted a censorship option, allowing the player to decide whether the screen should be blurred to remove violent or sexual content. Indeed, a rape sequence received widespread criticism, though given the level of the actors' performance, the soap-y music, and primitive graphics, is more absurd than it is disturbing. Nevertheless, there's a general tone of violence towards women which makes it a difficult experience in today's climate. Not least given Williams' prior output.
Still, the controversy surrounding the adult nature of the content doubtless helped it to become a commercial success, and it became Sierra's biggest-selling game up until that point (we tend to forget that Half-Life was later released under the Sierra banner).
Alas, it was a short-lived victory. Shortly after the company's sale, CUC was bought by Cedant International - and was implicated in a massive accounting scandal, with two of CUC's top executives going to prison for fraud. Sierra was eventually sold on to Havas Interactive, and the brand still exists to this day - now owned by Activision, which released a new King's Quest in 2015.
"Ow-wow-whee-whooo! It flew back in and stung me on the fuckin' butthole! This your fault, mammy! I can already feel it swelling up! Ow! My fuckin' butthole!"
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