Blimey. Been a while. The world all went a bit mad didn't it? So, what's been going on? Why wasn't this site updated for something like four months? Why has the Digitiser YouTube channel changed its name to Biffovision? Is Digitiser Live still happening? Why is the thing? What are bees? Where are the bees? Bees?

Wasps!

I'm always being accused of over-explaining everything - well, kick me up the arse for being a writer, you illiterate proles - but then we go and get an email from somebody asking what the heck is going on... and then I realise that no matter how often I over-explain... somebody has still missed the over-explanation.

​Hence: I thought it'd be good to get all this down once and for all, and that way I can just give people a link when they ask me what has happened.

So, let's deal with the big one first... such as why this website hasn't been updated in forever.

Hello all. I started out with the intention of this blog being a higher tier Patreon exclusive, but we're all in this together, and while we're being locked away... we don't have to be completely shut off.

Rest assured, all Patrons will continue getting the videos early, and the higher tier gang will hopefully be getting some exclusive video content over the next week. I'm going to scour the hard drives for whatever I might have that we never used.

I think I said already that I kind of want to do some rough-and-ready videos with Sanja alongside our regular ones. No idea what they might entail, and I've not ruled out doing a live stream either. Luckily, Gannon lives near me, so - providing neither of us have symptoms in the next week or so - we can get together to film some regular videos too.

I'm going to need that.

It's weird, but I had a phone meeting yesterday about work, and it really, really helped me to be focusing on that for an hour, and not thinking about everything else that's going on. Working this week has been such a challenge, as I keep checking the news every five seconds. It was nice to feel, even if it'll be proved futile, that some part of life is carrying on as normal.

I was going to write something on Patreon today about what we're all living through - it's where I do most of my blogs now - but I thought it might, possibly, be more helpful to make this one public.

My situation is no different from billions of others around the world. I've no greater insight than any of you may have into what's happening. I'm hardly unique in struggling to process the scale and seriousness of the pandemic. 

I'm not alone in being worried about money. TV and film productions are shutting down all over the world. I'm still working for now - or trying to - but 50% of the income I was banking on this year depends on the shows actually getting made. Apparently, it's currently hard for productions to get insurance. The knife-edge of freelance life. Again, I'm hardly the only one suffering that uncertainty.

I've got a daughter who was due to get married in May. Whether that can still go ahead in some form is anybody's guess. I've got another daughter and a step-daughter in isolation right now. Neither of them live with me, but the common denominator between both is that they are quite social, and work with the public.

They're young. They'll get over it. That is, even if it is IT...

With testing now only being available to those with severe symptoms, and celebrities, they won't know for certain if they've ever actually had the coronavirus.

For me, it's more a signifier of how fast and far this has now spread, and how inadequate the government's response has been. Both my local hospitals have had deaths. Another of my daughter's schools has had confirmed cases (yet remains open)...

Most worryingly, I've got parents in their 80s. My mum has COPD and assorted other serious ailments, my dad had a stroke and a heart attack 18 months or so ago. It's them I'm really concerned for. I'm worried about what sort of care will be available to them when the NHS starts to collapse under the weight of all this. 

And, of course, there's no end in sight to any of it. The most likely scenario that I can see happening is a pattern of lockdowns, followed by periods where we're all allowed out again, followed by another lockdown. And that this will continue until whenever it is they can distribute a vaccine. Realistically, we're a minimum of a year away from that. 

Making sandwiches, shaving, and giving a makeover - simple tasks that Eli Silverman (Barshens, Cheapshow) and Paul Gannon must perform while wearing upside-down glasses... all to please our king, Ash Frith. The loser has to eat a 100 year-old century egg!

What were the final words of your favourite celebrities, including Freddie Mercury from Queen? Find out on Digitiser Deluxe - featuring Mr Biffo, Paul Gannon, and Sanja, plus special guests Chris Jerden Cooke and Sooz Kempner! The winners receive a luxury memorial!

The worst, dumbest, Kickstarter campaigns and products ever versus fake ones - Biffo challenges Gannon, Eli and special guest Ash Frith play to tell the difference in this ridiculous Digitiser Deluxe game! Can you guess the right answers?

Newwwwwssss! Tickets for Digi Live 2.0 have sold extremely well. Given we've still got five months to go, and we've sold all but 100 or so of the tickets, I'm hopeful we're going to sell out, or as near as dammit. Which is great. Get yours now so you don't miss out.

If you missed the earlier FAQ, you can find that here. However, a few updates:

We're planning to have a merch table. We've ordered some Digi Logo enamel badges, and - we'll know for certain once they arrive here and have shipped to backers - we may have a limited number of Digitiser The Show DVDs. We probably aren't going to do t-shirts, given the faff with both sizes and the space needed for them, but we're going to sell at least one limited edition Digitiser Live 2.0 shirt beforehand through our Redbubble store, so you can wear it to the event. 

Mugs take up a lot of space too, and are expensive, so most likely we'll just be selling the badges, and possibly posters and postcards. Again, if you want mugs, check out Redbubble. 

Chunky Fringe is coming together, and you can read all about it here. It'll run from 11am to 5pm on the day of the event, and is free to all. Highlights include a Digitiser quiz, a retro gaming panel, and some sort of panel with me on it talking about Digi and Teletext.

Chris Bell is also looking to book somewhere on the Friday night for some sort of gathering. We had considered a screening of some Biffo-related stuff at the Arts Centre, but unfortunately the small hall is being refurbished.

There's also now a Facebook group for attendees. You can find that here. If you're coming on your own, and you're a little anxious, it's the perfect way to introduce yourself, and get to know people beforehand. As said many times, it's a lovely community, and very understanding of people's differing needs. You will be welcomed.

In other news, you may well have seen the first episode of Digitiser Deluxe. I'm very proud of it - it feels like the channel has a new focus. But anyhow, during this first run of Digi Deluxe, you'll be seeing a lot of both Sooz Kempner and Ash Frith. I think it's okay now to announce them both as the first confirmed guests for this year's Digi Live. They fit into Digi perfectly, and I couldn't be more honoured that they want to keep being involved. 

We've got other guests lined-up, but as it's availability dependent, we'll have to confirm them nearer the time. Suffice to say, if we manage to get everyone we want to get... it's going to be a very special day. 

In the first episode of Digitiser Deluxe, we try out real prison food hack recipes, including Prison Pizza, Prison Pad Thai, and Prison Tamales - plus ultra--rare prison chips/crisps, The Whole Shebang. Mr Biffo, Paul Gannon and Eli Silverman, ex of Barshens, stuff their fat faces with special guest Sooz Kempner.

​Not for children! Contains flashing images.

DO NOT WATCH! Due to forces beyond our control, this episode of Digitiser contains a curse. What was intended as a fun general knowledge quiz, with impossible questions about Pokemon vs Digimon, Nintendo's Super Punch-Out and drag queens - and featuring a reunion between Barshens friends Paul Gannon and Chris Bullock - is instead inexplicably haunted. Please accept our apologies. 

I only consider myself to have one foot in the retro gaming community these days. Though I continue to write a column for Retro Gamer magazine, since Digitiser The Show went out I've kind of drifted away from active involvement. Last year was a turning point, as you'd have no doubt picked up from the feelings I wrote about in the multiple posts on here, and Patreon, while trying to figure it out.

Fact is, I didn't play games as much as I had done in the past. Partly, I just didn't have the time or energy. I was incredibly busy with the day job, and... gaming wasn't how I wanted to spend my down time. 

I'd not gone off games, but my interest in writing or making content about them was starting to wane. Over 27 years, I can't imagine how many words about games I've written, and I knew I needed to keep my powder dry when it came to gaming-related projects I did choose to do (Retro Gamer being one, Digitiser Live 2.0 being another). Gaming, broadly, was starting to feel like a straightjacket in terms of my creativity.

However, in truth not all of my move away from games content was due to that sense of ennui. There was also an increasing feeling that rarely a day went by on social media where there wasn't some new retro gaming drama unfolding. 

Every fandom has its dramas of course - I mean, just look at the state of Star Wars - but because I was Mr Biffo, it seemed that there were those, both publicly and behind the scenes, who wanted to draw me into it. I'd get told gossipy stuff uninvited, or be asked for my opinions on the latest scandal, and I just didn't want any part of it. I didn't like the way some of my acquaintances revelled in it.

There are two sides to every story, and, unless I was party to both, or had some vested interest, I tended to stay out of it. But it kept happening. Countless troll accounts. Horacegate. Hate videos. Copyright claims. Whispers and rumours etc. etc. It was ugly and depressing.

Unfortunately, as many of you will no doubt be aware, it has come to light over the past week that many of the dramas the community has been wrestling with over the past year appear as if the may be the work of just one person.

One person - if true - who otherwise acted as a well-intentioned member of the community, who befriended many while stabbing them in the back, who has secretly sat at the heart of all this, like some sort of Machiavellian, retro gaming, spider.

Bird mags. Bird mags. BIRD MAGS. Burd?

Why aren't there as many bird magazines as there used to be?!

Birds. What are they? From whence do they come? Why are they? How are they? Questions to which we are unlikely to ever receive a satisfactory answer. And yet, that never seems to stop movies featuring birds regularly topping the VHS rental charts.

Here's a gallery of some of the greatest bird movies of all time. Please... what are your favourites?