"Much as I'd love to sit down and do nothing but play a big video game for months on end, I find that shorter indie releases are a better fit for my fervid lifestyle.
"Because I love sharing positive messages (unless you work for Lloyds Bank, in which case, I'm sorry, but I hope you die) here are five indie games - available for most formats - which have been presented to me.
"Following each precis, I'm going to tell you whether or not I liked the game enough to literally put it up my bumhole! I call this format 'Noel's In De Bumhole' (aka 'Noel's Indie Bumhole').
"Please don't steal the idea. I'm intending to pitch it as a primetime BBC1 show, and I've had enough stolen from me already (Lloyds Bank... the view out of my kitchen window - which has been spoiled by windfarms... and Noel's House Party, after it was wrongly cancelled by Auntie Beeb). For the record, I also think immigration has gone far enough. I'm sorry, guys, but it really has to stop.
"Noel Noel Noel Noel Noelnoelnoelnoelneol111010101011noel11011001111+++<ERROR>+++"