GUEST ARTICLE by DAVID HESLOP

What did you get up to on your Christmas holidays? I know, I know; we’re already well into January. The decorations are back in the loft, the only Celebrations left in the tin are Mars bars and Bountys, and no one at work will shut up about how they have to spend the month doing a poo on a chemical toilet because it’s “Caravanuary”.

But, like an over-enthusiastic primary schooler, I’m here to tell you about my Christmas. Because I got two things: a Bluetooth-enabled Xbox controller (presumably my last one communicated in semaphore) and an invite to Microsoft’s xCloud beta.
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xCloud, for the uninitiated or plain uninterested, is Microsoft’s still-in-the-oven game streaming service. Currently operating mostly in a closed invite-only beta test, it can be seen as a rival to Google’s controversial Stadia platform.

​Like many, I read with great interest Mr Biffo’s experiences with Stadia, which went against the prevailing gaming press opinion (and the opinion of lots of people on the internet, presumably all of whom have played it extensively before commenting with such vitriol). I’ve not got Stadia – looks a bit too expensive for what it is from where I’m sitting, but I can very much imagine it works well enough – but I was asked by Mr B to share my experiences with xCloud.

GUEST ARTICLE by SUPER BAD ADVICE
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Well it’s a new month, a new year and a new decade. And you know what that means? Yes, that’s right: nothing, given our calendar system starts at an arbitrary point in time with no specific meaning. But as this has been going on for 2000-odd years now it’s probably simpler to just go along with it, yeah?
 
However: the turning of the year also heralds the shambling return of CES – the big annual electronics expo where companies spaff out a load of new rubbish you don’t need, right after you bought last year’s bloody model for Xmas. To show we’ve got our finger if not on the pulse, then at least hovering menacingly near your trembling wrist, here’s our rundown of this year’s most desirable ‘wares’. They’re so hot, they’ll scald your glabella!

Biffo and Sanja taste-test a selection of exotic Iceland food and snacks, including curried herring and hákarl aka fermented or rotten shark - famously, one of worst foods in the worlds.

Suffice to say, Biffo barely manages to keep it down...

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Somehow, it seems like we're never going to run out of bad game artwork. Such as the troubling cover of Mole Hunter, above - replete with what is presumable a phallic-looking mole, a dead snake, and a hammer-wielding, pin-headed, mole hunter. 

​Here are another ten.

In this bumper, definitely-not-for-kids, edition of Digitiser, the idiots Gannon and Biffo enlist the help of puppets to help them understand how COPPA is affecting creators.

Also, they play another round of the card game Game Off, attempting to out-gross one another, while revealing some of their most terrible, most embarrassing, secrets...

Subscribe for regular videos, and support Digitiser on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/digitiser2000

​Buy official Digitiser merch from our store: https://www.redbubble.com/people/digi...

What's going on with Digitiser over the coming year? Will I appear on your podcast? Will there be a live show in 2020? Check out the brand new FAQ for the answers to all these​ questions - and many more!

DIGITISER FAQ

Biffo and Gannon play the not-for-children card game Game Off, in which they attempt to come up with the best pick-up lines, create the most annoying song, and find out who has the hairiest arms! Also featuring... Virtual Ashens!

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I'm not sure I've ever written about Doctor Who on here. Growing up, it was in many ways the one nerdy genre thing it wasn't remotely acceptable to like. I never got any stick for being a Star Wars fan, but liking Doctor Who was akin to admitting you were in an unrequited relationship with a drain.

In short: being a Doctor Who fan was profoundly embarrassing. 

I get it. I mean, I've always been acutely aware of the show's flaws. Doctor Who - in its original 1963 - 1989 incarnation - was largely terrible; impenetrable storytelling, slow-paced stories, homespun production values, flat characterisation. It's almost impossible to defend loving something so, frankly, bad. Yet love it I did, for reasons I actually struggle to put into words, but can best liken to adopting a badly damaged orphan.

Don't get me wrong; some of the stories it told were near perfect - I'll defend City of Death, Remembrance of the Daleks, and An Unearthly Child until I'm blue in the groin - but alongside that you got Timelash, Delta And The Bannermen, and The Trial of a Timelord. 

Weirdly, I somehow have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the show despite struggling to make it through an entire serial since the original broadcast. You can put that down to being a subscriber to Doctor Who Magazine for as long as I can remember, reading the novels and associated reference books, and listening to Big Finish audio dramas.

When I bought the DVDs, it would be the special features I'd turn to first. How they made the show - with such limited resources - was often more fascinating to me than the actual show itself. I wanted to know how they'd conjure an entire universe from a sprinkle of imagination, a couple of washing-up bottles, and some bubblewrap. I probably wouldn't be doing the job I do now if it wasn't for DWM's behind-the-scenes articles. It was one of the only publications that managed to demystify screenwriting and TV production, and democratised it for all.

I think, perhaps, like many Doctor Who fans, I mostly loved the show's potential. As an idea, it's brilliant. Its mythos is equally genius and bonkers. Its visuals are iconic. And when it came back with Russell T. Davies at the helm, we finally got a show that lived up to the promise of its original run; it understood how ridiculous Doctor Who was and should be, but imbued it with more heart than it ever had in the entirety of its first incarnation.

What's more, when Moffat took over, I loved the intricacy of the storytelling and his wit, the cleverness of his ideas, and Matt Smith remains my favourite Doctor. It felt simultaneously right and wrong to have a version of Doctor Who that was consistently good, and enjoyed by almost everyone.