Goodness gracious bees...! Look at all those bees! And after you've looked at the bees, why not look at this stuff that's featured on Digitiser2000 over the past five days? It's mostly actual video games content, and barely any stupid listicles! No preamble: just get stuck in. And after that - why not sniff the bees?
ATTENTION! We also have a lovely YOUTUBE CHANNEL full of great content that nobody is really watching. We are hoping to bring you some exciting new video features this very weekend, so make sure you subscribe and share, or we'll really think you hate us and abandon you. DOUBLE ATTENTION! Digi2000 can only keep going with your help. We're a tiny team, doing this in lieu of other things we should be doing. So... if you're enjoying yourself on here, and would like to show your support - please feel obliged to visit our Patreon page, or donate via the PayPal button on the sidebar. BOOM! I'm Cyber-X. You probably remember me as the top games journalist in the country, back when I wrote for magazines like Super Top, Mega Top, Top Top, and Toppo's Top Games Mega Top Monthly. Those were the days. The days were I could spend 48 hours caning it so hard that I gave myself septicaemia, and still rock up for work on Monday to write my top games mag column about what I can remember of my clubbing exploits. Nowadays it's all fooking websites and YouTube and lists and shit. Well fook off! Because get this - I'm better at doing games journalism than any of these fooking four year-olds with their tunnel earrings and trendy fooking glasses that they've got now. And to prove it here's the best list you'll ever read. Seriously, you're gonna want to share this with your fooking mates, because they'll literally piss themselves thrice. It's Cyber-X's 10 Things That Couldn't Look Less Like That Bloke out of The Witcher 3. WHAT THESE 21 STUPID KIDS STUCK IN CLAW MACHINES CAN TEACH US ABOUT THE PURSUIT OF MATERIAL WEALTH15/10/2015 Our pursuit of material wealth is a crass, if not false, value system induced by the spell of commodity fetishism, void of more noble and worthy values. A joyless economy, it offers little to no effect on the well-being and happiness of the individual. As we raise a generation of those who put abundance and property above the spiritual, here are 21 stupid little idiots who climbed into claw machines to get to the toys, and got themselves stuck. Today is a big day for the mainstream acceptance of gaming: from now until Sunday, BBC Three is going to be streaming the League of Legends Championships live from Wembley. Of course, they're streaming it online - still there remains a reluctance to show any sort of gaming coverage on proper TV - but it's an important and significant step nevertheless. It's the first time a major broadcaster has filmed any sort of gaming content in aeons - unless you count the GTA drama on BBC2 last month. You know: the one that didn't quite have the confidence to show games development as it actually is, almost as if it was trying to paraphrase or sex-up everything for people who don't really understand gaming. More pertinently, the League of Legends thing is a collaboration between BBC Three and BBC Sport, giving it some degree of real mainstream legitimacy. It's long overdue... but for the sake of the BBC, I sincerely hope it's the start of a trend for the corporation. For those of you who couldn't make it to the Play Expo in Manchester last weekend, here's the entirety of Mr Biffo's chat with Retro Gamer's Paul Drury, courtesy of Retro Unlim. It's slightly better quality, sound-wise, than the one we put up... I confess that I don't read VG247, so I don't really have an opinion on it. There are just so many games websites out there vying for space that there isn't time to consume everything. And the general impression I get is... well... as I've said previously, a lot of them just seem to repackage the same information. This might not be the case with VG247, but... as I say, I have no opinion on that. Anyhow, some of you may be aware - as it seems to be becoming a bit of a thing on the social media - that VG247 recently wrote up an unflattering preview of Uncharted 4, following a hands-on session at the Tokyo Games Show. Except... the game they actually played wasn't Uncharted 4, but the remastered version of Uncharted 2. Cue embarrassment. Cue the lobbing of firebrands and venomous orbs. The article was removed once developer Naughty Dog pointed out the error, and VG247's editor Matt Martin has since come out to apologise... though, inevitably, the original article still exists online. As you'd expect, the site's now coming in for some serious flack. But is that fair? Ah yes... yes... Lord Alan Michael Sugar, you see. From the discovery of sugar - the edible talc - to the invention of Amstrad computers, to his starring role as the face of The Apprentice (which returns to TV screens this very day)... is there nothing of which he isn't capable? We believe there is not. To celebrate this noble executive's reappearance on our televisions, we have gathered ten naturally occurring items which look exactly like him. They say that travel broadens the mind. Certainly, I've been on a few holidays that have broadened the sphincter. Ha ha. Do you see? Of course you do. Be that as it may, what is your choice of holiday reading? Something heavy? Something light? A biography of a notable count? Or are you far too modern to read anything at all, and prefer to take a 3DS and a wallet of games with you? Well get this, everyone in the entire world, and their daddies: 80 Days is holiday reading, a video game, and a holiday all in one. Whaaaaa...? How is this even possible? I'll tell you how it's possible: magiii-ii-i-ic-c-c-c... co-COUGH! Today's the day! Let's get in the car and head down to the giant car boot sale to grab some bargains! Maybe we'll find an original PlayStation 1, with a copy of Battle Arena Toshinden, or some mystery SNES games with the stickers peeled off. We've only got £12, though, so let's hope it's enough to buy everything we want. Come on, everyone. It's car boot sale day! In the summer of 1983 I sold my entire collection of Star Wars toys for fifty pounds. That fifty quid was earmarked as spending money for a trip to America to visit my sister, who'd inadvertently married an American called Jim-Bob (not a joke - he grew up in a swamp, drove a pick-up truck, took a pair of shotguns camping with him, and wore dungarees). Visiting American shops - full of Star Wars toys you couldn't get back home, and which I would've desperately loved to add to a collection I no longer owned - was the sort of deep irony Alanis Morissette could scrawl a song about. But there weren't just Star Wars toys on those American store shelves. There was something brand new jostling for space - a new range of toy robots that turned into cars and planes and Sony Walkmen. Transformers. Over the next couple of years Star Wars faded away, while those transforming robots became The Next Big Thing. Meanwhile, I was busy struggling to be a teenager, only tangentially aware of kids buying those toys, enjoying those cartoons and comics... Yet somewhere in my subconscious I linked Transformers with the abrupt end of my childhood. Somehow... it was to blame. "Transformers killed your innocence", whispered the little voice. "You hate Transformers". So. As some of you know, I was at the annual Play Expo in Manchester this past weekend. I've been to a few expo/con-type things in the past - chiefly, the MCM show that they have in London a couple of times a year. I went to the Doctor Who 50th anniversary event in London, and was lucky enough to visit to the Star Wars Celebration in Florida a few years back (although, regrettably, that happened to coincide with the worst holiday of my life). Beyond trade shows, though, this was the first time that I'd ever attended a thingy that was purely about the gaming. Naturally, the geek lines tend to get blurry at these sorts of occasions. As well as the games, there were celebrity guests from the worlds of Star Wars and Doctor Who. The ubiquitous Dave Prowse was there of course. Alas, given the slightly distressing lack of queue to meet him, it was hard not to feel he might've signed all the "Dave Prowse Is Darth Vader" autographs the world might ever need. Seemingly, there was about as much clamour to meet him as there was for the bloke who stood immobile as Bossk in Empire Strikes Back for a memorable three seconds of screen time. And he was naked from the waist down! |
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